Brendan Behan Quotations

1. He was born an Englishman and remained one for years.

2. When I'm talking to people I like to stop and quote myself. My quotes have a way of spicing up a conversation.

3. I'd rather be dead than think about death.

4. I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

5. Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.

6. It's not that the Irish are cynical. It's rather that they have a wonderful lack of respect for everything and everybody.

7. I value kindness to humans first of all, and kindness to animals. I don't respect the law; I have total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper, and old men and women warmer in the winter, and happier in the summer.

8. Ah, bless you, Sister, may all your sons be bishops.

9. I am a drinker with writing problems.

10. New York is my Lourdes, where I go for spiritual refreshment... a place where you're least likely to be bitten by a wild goat.

11. The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of mattress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.

12. Ninety-seven saint days a year wouldn't affect the theater, but two Yom Kippurs would ruin it.

13. I say myself no depressed words just depressed minds.

14. If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks.

15. To get enough to eat was regarded as an achievement. To get drunk was a victory.

16. Shakespeare said pretty well everything and what he left out, James Joyce, with a judge from meself, put in.

17. I saw a notice which said, 'Drink Canada Dry' and I've just started.

18. Other people have a nationality. The Irish and the Jews have a psychosis.

19. There is no such thing as bad publicity except your own obituary.

20. The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you.

21. What the hell difference does it make, left or right? There were good men lost on both sides.

22. Pound notes are the best religion in the world.

23. I am a daylight atheist.

24. The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

25. There were few Catholics in this part of the world and the priest had a forlorn sort of a job but Walton had cured me of any idea that religion of any description had anything to do with mercy or pity or love.

26. I have never seen a situation so dismal that a policeman couldn't make it worse.

27. The English always have their wars in someone else's country.

28. The great thing I have discovered about Orangemen is that they have feelings.

29. The world is a madhouse, so it's only right that it is patrolled by armed idiots.

30. There's no one . . . no one, loves you like yourself.

31. I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.

32. So many belonging to me lay buried in Kilbarrock, the healthiest graveyard in Ireland, they said, because it was so near the sea.

33. A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles. It takes your mind off the cost of living.

34. I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.

35. I smoked my way half-way through the book of Genesis and three inches of my mattress. When the Free State came in we were afraid of our lives they were going to change the mattresses for feather beds. ... But sure, thanks to God, the Free State didn’t change anything more than the badges in the warders’ caps.

36. An author's first duty is to let down his country.

37. Compliments pass when the quality meet.

38. I always carry gelignite; dynamite isn't safe.

39. I’ve always thought T. S. Eliot wasn’t far wrong when he said that the main problem of the dramatist today was to keep his audience amused; and that while they were laughing their heads off, you could be up to any bloody thing behind their backs; and it was what you were doing behind their bloody backs that made your play great.

40. I am married to Beatrice Salkeld, a painter. We have no children, except me.