Relationships: Beyond the Happy Ending

The Nothing Syndrome

We've all heard the stories. The princess finds her prince and lives happily ever after. From childhood, girls are led to believe that you find your man and have your own happy ending. Our man will take care of us, adore us, and treat us like the princesses that we are. It's no wonder that our first relationship with the opposite sex seldom lives up to the dream. Here are some suggestions for smoothing the transition from childhood dreams to reality.

I can only imagine the confusion a man must feel when he asks a woman what's wrong and between sniffles and tears, she mumbles, 'nothing'. And women, we all know what we are thinking as we say it, 'If he really loved me, he would know what is wrong.' I am as guilty as anyone, but I've come to realize that loving someone doesn't give them the power to read your mind. His simply asking you what is wrong is a sign that he cares. Ladies, if you are guilty of this one, it's time to stop putting so much pressure on your man and simply tell him. If it's something so silly, you are simply too embarrassed to tell him, (yes this happens), then say, 'I'm just being silly'. Try it, you might be surprised how much men appreciate the honesty and not having to try to guess what's wrong.

Another common problem is the old, 'honey, what are you thinking about?' He looks at you and says 'nothing'. We ask ourselves, 'Good grief, how can he be thinking of nothing? It must be something he doesn't want to tell me.' I've asked a lot of men about this one. Guess what ladies, men really can think of nothing. Don't ask me how, my mind never stops for a minute, but apparently they can empty their head of all thoughts. In any event, getting upset because you think he is hiding something from you will accomplish nothing. Chances are, he really isn't thinking about anything. Men don't think like us so it isn't the same as when we say nothing and it means something, for them, nothing is usually just that, nothing.

The 'Not-the-Same' Syndrome

How often do we complain that our man isn't romantic enough or he doesn't treat you like he did when you first started dating? Come on, admit it, we do this a lot. The way I see it, there are two sides to this. Side one, he really has changed and he isn't romantic enough and side two, he isn't doing what you want him to at the time.

Let's explore side two first. I'll use me as an example because I am guilty of this one. I'm feeling 'cuddly' and he is watching TV. I keep looking over at him with my 'don't you want to kiss me look', but he is oblivious, totally engrossed in the television program. Out of my mouth come the words, 'You weren't this way when we were dating.' He looks at me, obviously confused about what brought this on and mutters something like, 'Neither are you.' Sometimes this leads to the argument over who has changed and sometimes we both just sit there ignoring each other. Either way, I still don't get what I want and am in a worse position than when I started.

Recently, I've tried a new approach and I find that I am getting much better results. It's really so simple, I’m surprised I haven't done it in the past. I simply say, 'Wow, I really feel like kissing you right now.' This works! I invite you to try it out and see for yourself. To make a long story short, skip the nagging, you both will be unhappy with the results, and be direct. Tell your man what you want.

Back to side one, your man has changed and not for the better. To begin with, let's be honest, you have changed too. No one can go through the different experiences that life brings without changing. Relationships in general, change over time. In the beginning, while love is fresh and new, we go out of our way to please each other. Time passes and we fall into a rut. We begin to take for granted the fact that the other person loves us, so we stop doing the special little things we did in the beginning. There are a lot of people out there with tips on how to bring romance back into your relationship and maybe some of them will help you, however, I feel that all the tools we need are inside us. Think back to the way you were when you first started dating. The little things you went out of your way to do just because it would make him happy. Pick out one thing that meant a lot to him and do it. If it's make him an extremely difficult dinner, don't just prepare the dinner, get dressed up, look your best, serve wine or something special with it. Don't tell him in advance, let it be a surprise and when he asks, 'wow, what brought this on, or what's the special occasion,' say, 'I just wanted to remind you how much I love you.'

I realize this is a temporary solution, but go out of your way to do something special every so often. It's not his responsibility to be the romantic one. Yes, he should be romantic occasionally too, but you can't control him, you can only control you. Chances are he will be inspired to do something special for you too.

In conclusion, remember, relationships change. Things will never be like they were when you first got together. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. The relationship has evolved into something stronger and more permanent that doesn't require us to put on an act when the other person is around just so they will keep coming around. We can be ourselves, warts and all, and they will still love us. Just remember to add a little 'spice' to the mix to keep things from becoming bland.

©2005 Patricia Fason

About the Author:
Patricia Fason is a writer and poet. She is listed as an ezine articles expert author, a buzzle author and has provided articles exclusively to websites and ezines. Contact her for information on exclusive articles or visit her website dedicated to romance at http://www.sitesoweb.com. There you will find romance tips, poetry, free greeting cards, love coupons, romantic gifts and more.

Sites O Web Romances You
A website devoted to romance, featuring relationship articles and poetry They also offer romantic gift ideas, free e-cards and other goodies..