Catholic Prayers: A Mystic’s Journal Entry February 6, 2005: The Hail Mary

Sunday, February 6, 2005
2 a.m.

The work of the day is finished, & I reflect on the day’s events. A beautiful, warm & sunny day. A walk in the sun, some shoveling of the driveway, errands ... I regret that I did not pray more during the day, but I quickly put that thought aside, knowing & trusting that my regret makes up for the lack of conscious prayer.

I spend a few moments trying to best decide on the prayers to say before and after I meditate tonight. Often prayers will just arise, & no decision is needed. But tonight I decide that I will concentrate on the "Hail Mary" as my prayer. I will say my nightly ten for Her seven Sorrows; I always say three extra because I am sure that She has more than only seven Sorrows. Then I say three more, one for the Father, one for the Son & then one for the Holy Spirit. And then my decade of the rosary, with the Mystery of the Nativity, that I have agreed to recite every day for the rest of my life for the Living Rosary Association. Fourteen other people who I have never met are saying the other fourteen decades of this rosary, and I do not wish my decade and mystery to be a blank space in the prayers said to Her today.

I begin to think of the opening words of the prayer, "Hail Mary."

For me, the invocation in prayer is very important. In "the Prayer to Saint Michael" (that I just finished writing for choir & orchestra), I spent many of the opening pages having the choir just call his name.

This is to, in a sense, get his attention. As with a friend, we will softly call to them when we need them, hoping they will hear us.

Even though, in my experience as a clairvoyant, I know that angels and Divine Beings generally come immediately when called. However, I also know that sometimes an inner conversation & prayer is needed, at least before I can clairvoyantly see them. (Then again, sometimes a saint will appear before me even when I haven’t called them.)

But to call Saint Michael’s name in page after page of the score is more for the choir and the audience than for Saint Michael. Just as when I begin the prayer to Mary, the repetition of "Hail Mary", or "Hello Mary" - is more for my own inner state than for Her Divine ears. I assume that Our Lady heard me the first time. But to repeat "Hail Mary" slowly and deliberately - begins a meditation of sorts for me. Then, "Hail Mary" becomes more than a mere "hello". After repeating this greeting long enough & deeply enough, it is as though I stand before Her. Then to say "Hail Mary" means that realms no longer stand between us; we are then meeting in a shared space, no matter which realm it might be.

No matter that She has been near me since my first breath on earth - this repeated invocation is so that I am aware of Her Presence in my life. For until Her Presence is real to me, She remains a mental construct, just another idea in my mind, like all the other fleeting and intangible ideas that fill my consciousness each day. No, I wish this prayer to be a true meeting. So I repeat "Hail Mary" until I can inwardly see & feel Her standing before me & I before Her.

However, if I clairvoyantly see Her as I begin my prayer, or feel Her Presence - then I do not repeat this phrase, there is no need. In fact, She might think it a bit strange ... Calling Her name repeatedly when I am aware of Her Presence!

"Full of Grace". I generally will stop after these words & meditate, reflect on them. I imagine what it would be like to be full of Grace. I picture Her inwardly, radiant & shining, full of Light. "The Lord is with Thee" ... I ask myself: what would it be, to have "the Lord with Thee"? Would it be like the Divine angels, who never forget God, never forget where their Power & Being come from? That the Divine Presence surrounds and fills Her always? In other words, I dwell on these words, until they have meaning for me. If needed, I will go through the entire prayer in this fashion, until the prayer is a living expression of my own thoughts & understanding and heart. Whether my understanding of the prayer is entirely accurate, is not the most important thing. We humans might never fully understand all the mysteries written into a single short prayer. What is important, is that they are not just meaningless words recited to a Being that feels a thousand miles away in another realm. Whatever meaning we assign to them is valuable, because they come from our own understanding & heart & life. It is similar to when a child, in his or her excitement & love for us, hands us a bedraggled dandelion taken from the lawn - we do not then wish that it were a bouquet of long-stemmed roses ... No, we see the dandelion through the eyes of the child. And so it is with God.

I continue in this way, throughout the prayer. When I reach the final words "Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now & at the hour of our death" - this is our request. And it seems to me, that if I have truly stood before Her during this prayer, & as I state this request humbly & simply - surely more souls will be helped than if I had just said the words without deep feeling & intent.

In any case, these are my thoughts.

Once I have prayed in this way, then I can repeat the entire prayer, without stopping after every few words. If I say the prayer enough times, & long enough, it will begin to repeat itself in my Heart, and continue on its own. This is how one develops continual prayer ... Tonight I will do this, so that hopefully the prayer will continue as I sleep.

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