New England Patriots 0 - 7 Philadelphia Eagles

Pre-amble: Good evening everybody, and welcome to Super Bowl XXXIX from Jacksonville, Florida (writes play-by-play reporter from his London bunker). New England should win this, but Super Bowl history is full of shocks and surprises. Will this be another one?

Gossip from NFL party in London: Most of my colleagues are at the Hippodrome, Leicester Square, where Britain's finest D-list celebrities are enjoying free cocktails and listening to Girls Aloud mime their latest single. Arsenal footballer/soccerball player Ashley Cole is also there, although there's no sign of Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho. Erm, I'm guessing that means nothing to anyone reading this. Oh well.

Pre-match music: Here are three words to strike fear into right-thinking individuals everywhere: country music medley. Meanwhile the first email of the night is in. "Sean, is it really wise to announce that you're in a bunker?" writes Michael Hills. "Before you know it, George W's F-16s will be overhead trying to smoke you out." Bring them on, Michael.

It gets worse dept: The Black Eye peas are now dancing around on stage, asking the crowd "Where's the love". Not in this bloody office, that's for sure.

Political incorrectness gone mad: Alicia Keys, accompanied by Ray Charles (back from the dead for one night only), is warbling about how wonderful America is. Meanwhile the choir next to her is full of deaf, blind and handicap kids of all colours and creeds. Which, even for this liberal Guardian hack, is overdoing things somewhat.

Military salutes: Come on, this is America. To an appropriately gung-ho drumbeat, Michael Douglas introduces the Band of Brothers veterans, US miltary folk from warzones around the world, and George Bush senior and Bill Clinton (still making daggers at each other 13 years on). And then comes the national anthem, sung by soldiers and accompanied by a huge flyover. Next stop Iran?

The toss: Philadelphia win the toss and choose to receive. Meanwhile, Leslie L.Kossoff - a lady who is "one of the most perceptive voices on managerial leadership today" according to John Reh of Management Guide About.com/ her email sign off - writes in to say my commentary "is far better and funnier than anything that actually happens." You're too kind, Leslie. Much too kind.

First quarter, 14.09 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: We're off! Rod Hood fields the kick and scampers to the Eagles 38-yard line. It's a good start but it doesn't last: on 3rd and 3, Donovan McNab is tackled, fumbles the football, and the Patriots recover the football! Still, the Eagles successfully challenge the decision, pointing out that McNab's foot was down in the tackle, and are able to punt it away on fourth down.

First quarter, 11.31 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: The Eagles are blitzing early, trying to hassle and harry Tom Brady off his game. So far it's working: after one first down, Brady's bomb on 3rd-and-long comes to nothing, although the Patriots maintain the pressure when Josh Miller's punt lands deep in Eagles territory.

First quarter, 9.55 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: The Eagles, who start from the seven-yard line, again go three and out. Meanwhile Luciano Howard writes: "Which are you most looking forward to? The TV spots for the summer's blockbusters or the actual Super Bowl?" Oh, the former definitely, although we don't get them here in the UK, alas.

First quarter, 7.30 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: A booming punt from Dirk Johnson soars into Patriots territory. The Patriots have a reasonable position, but despite Brady making two passes, a false start penalty on second down costs New England as they go three and out. Defenses on top at the moment.

First quarter, 4.59 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: McNab, who's had about as much rhythm as your Dad at a wedding reception so far, connects on 3rd and 9. That's the Eagles second first-down in a row, and they're on the move...

First quarter, 4.18 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: ... and they continue to gain yardage on 3rd and seven. Terrell Owens makes a 30-yard catch-and-run before the Patriots are docked further yardage for unecessary roughage. It's first and seven, Eagles!

First quarter, 3.14 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: Another big dollop of luck for the Eagles: McNab, the adrenaline still charging round his body after being sacked for 16 yards, throws what looks like an end zone interception. But the officials rule there's been illegal contact, and the Eagles get the ball back. First down and 19!

First quarter, 3.06 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: Now there's an interception for real! Rodney Harrison reads McNab like the proverbial book and makes a brilliant, brilliant catch.

First quarter, 2.05 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: Another three-and-out for the Patriots, whose much-vaunted offence looks about as deadly as the household spider.

First quarter, 0.00 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: Still, at the Patriots defense is stepping up to the plate: another turnover - this time a fumble from Smith - means the reigning Super Bowl champions end the first quarter with possession, and decent field position.

Second quarter, 14.42 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: But once again, they can't do anything with it as Brady is sacked on 3rd and 7. The Patriots are punting more than a Cambridge undergraduate.

Second quarter, 10.11 - Patriots 0 - 0 Eagles: What a catch from Todd Pinkston! McNab, who's beginning to find his feet, launches one deep, where it's expertly held by the Eagles' wide receiver. A 10-yard run from Brian Westbrook takes them to first and goal. Can they take advantage this time?

Second quarter, 10.11 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: Touchdown! McNab is given an age in the pocket, and is able to look this way and that before finding LJ Smith down the middle. It's what they've deserved; they've dominated this so far.

Second quarter, 8.15 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: At last the Patriots are on the move. Two first downs in row takes them into Eagles territory. Can they take advantage? Meanwhile James Dixon is unhappy man. "Why do Americans continue to insist all their major sports are world championships, when they're the only ones who play said games " he asks. "It myself declaring myself world air guitar champion just because I do a rocking AC/DC impression."

Second quarter, 6.15 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: More drama as Givens fumbles the ball away. The Eagles recover, but after review it's declared that his knee was down.

Second quarter, 5.49 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: Brilliant run from Corey Dillon, who jinks this way and that and makes 25 yards. It's 1st and goal now, and the Patriots will be looking to level the scores.

Second quarter, 4.59 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: Disaster for Brady as he fumbles the ball on the play-action. He falls to the floor, desperately trying to grab it, but it squirms away and the Eagles recover.

Second quarter, 4.25 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: And once again it goes straight back: Dirk Johnson's 29-yard punt gives the Patriots the ball on the Eagles' 37.

Second quarter, 2.56 - Patriots 0 - 7Eagles: At last, the Patriots make a 3rd down. Can they kick on? "Tell James Dixon that he'll have to get in line with everyone else if he wants to be world air guitar champion," points out Thomas Illingworth. "That honour is currently held by Tarquin 'The Tarkness' Keys of New Zealand. So there."

Second quarter, 2.00 - Patriots 0 - 7 Eagles: Patriots have the ball on the seven. Can Brady do something with it this time? Speaking of which, Philip Malcolm wants to know: "Who greased this ball before the game? No one can keep hold of it". Too much hair grease on the umpires, perhaps?

Second quarter, 1.10 - Patriots 7 - 7 Eagles: Touchdown! A brilliant Brady throw finds David Givens right in the corner for a four yard touchdown catch. Brady was 5/6 for 34 yards on that drive.

Second quarter, 1.04 - Patriots 7 - 7 Eagles: Don't worry, you're not missing anything: Patriot's safety Eugene Wilson seems to have injured his shoulder, which could costly in the second half.

"What is the 'Bowl' part of "Super Bowl' anyway?" asks Brian Buckley from Australia. "And why can't Americans not call stadiums stadia as is popular the world over?"