Capital punishment?

A conversation: "Well, it's all over," my brother Warren sighed as he was trying to get over another post-Super Bowl hangover. "Football is gone, and now all I got to look forward to is Dick Vitale running his gums about Duke or watch those lame announcers on NBC for the next two months. Hey, what are you reading?"

"Not too much," I retorted, trying to do anything to get away from hearing about another Tom Brady story or anything football. "Just found out that they're keeping baseball in Minnesota and Montreal this year. Looks like (MLB Commissioner) Bud Selig won't be getting his wish and be able to contract them like he wanted to back in November."

"Baseball? Baseball? In case someone forgot to tell you, it's February," Warren said defiantly. "No one thinks about baseball until like what, September? Besides, I thought they got rid of those teams anyway. No one cares about them, so why are they keeping them around?"

I had to quickly give him a brief synopsis of what had happened since the World Series ended.

"Well, since Selig made public his plans that he wanted to get rid of both Montreal and Minnesota, it seemed like everyone and his mother came out of the woodwork from Duluth to Edina to save this team."

"I remember now. Didn't their governor, that Ventura guy, raise some big fuss about keeping them? Ok, so they had one good season in like what, the last 15? Big Deal!" Warren retorted.

"Apparently, it was a big enough deal for the Twins fans, because the state legislature said that they had to keep playing in the Baggy Dome for next year. Who knows, they had a successful season this year, their first in 10 years. They have some talent on that team, so they could make the playoffs this year," I explained.

"We both know what's going to happen," my brother said, quickly trying to see if his Iverson jersey still fit after one too many burritos during the NFL season. "The Twins can win 100 games, and no one will still show up, and we'll be visiting this all over again. It's ridiculous. And speaking of ridiculous, what's up with Montreal? I mean, at least the Twins had some kind of reason to stick around?

"I don't even know how they're going to handle that situation," I said. "Their goal was to sell a grand total of 2,500 season tickets. Do you know how quickly a football team can sell out that much in ten minutes?"

Warren was perplexed. "You mean to tell me their owner is just gonna hope that a few guys named Pierre come by and watch? He should use a promotion to let them manage for a game or something."

"Actually," I responded, "their owner (Jeffrey Loria) is going to take over the Florida Marlins, and Major League Baseball will be taking over the Expo's operations for the next season."

"You know something, bro, that's not a bad idea," Warren said. "But wouldn't that mean they can do crazy trades, like send that Vlad Guerrero guy to the Yankees if they want to, and suspend their opponents' superstars if they want? That's not so bad if you think about it." It was apparent that my brother was digging the idea of baseball in Montreal, unlike the rest of the baseball population.

He paused over a break in burritos, and then said, "But if things are so bad there, why can't they just move the team here to DC?"

"In other sports that would be the easiest solution," I answered back, "but this is MLB, who got rid of the World Series cause they couldn't figure out how to satisfy some millionaire crybabies. There was some talk that they'd move a team here, which was something considering that this was the first time since they left in 1972 that there was talk about bringing them back. Remember there have been so many efforts to do it in the past, but this area was just being used as leverage for current teams to get better stadiums." I think he was beginning to get my message.

Suddenly, he went on a rant that only Dennis Miller would be proud of. "First, the Washington Padres, then the Washington Astros, and now this mess. I think that baseball contraction is just a marketing gimmick to sell tickets. Every friggin' time the idea of moving a team to the D.C. or Northern Virginia area comes up, it is delayed for another year. Either the team wanting to move here gets stuck with a new stadium, or (Baltimore Orioles' owner) Peter Angelos gets all territorial and cries that they'll lose their fan base. I ask you, what fan base?"

He continued as I hung my head, "It is so obvious that the D.C. metro region is a haven for owners wanting revenge on their current teams so they can drain them dry for a new stadium. If they move a team here, everyone will come to watch them play, and players will want to come here. It is insulting that in the 21st century the so-called 'National Pastime' refuses to have a team in the nation's capital! Why does baseball continue to screw us over?"

Now I had to reason with him, because he was actually making sense. "My dear naive brother, you've got to understand the one thing that makes baseball so problematic: it's run by the players' union instead of the owners. Selig actually wanted this to go down and many felt it was the right idea, but not the players' union. They only care about the bottom line, making as much money as possible.

"The saddest part of this is that they know the best thing to do is move the Expos here to D.C. It can stay in the NL East, it can have a myriad of talent come here, and it'll be good for the game. Then again, when has baseball collectively done anything right for the game?

"You wanna know what's worse? They may not even have a baseball season in 2002, if they don't take care of the collective bargaining agreement problem. Warren? Bro, are you still there?"

"Leave me alone," he snapped, slamming down another burrito, "and pass the remote. What channel is NASCAR on?"