Super out of focus

By this point, you've read everything about Super Bowl XXXVIII -- except for my random thoughts about it.

* If exposing a nipple is the way Janet Jackson livened up decade-old material, then let's just say I'll be missing Meat Loaf's next tour.

* And don't believe that stuff about "Wardrobe malfunctions." I hear during the post-game show, Justin Timberlake pulled the same stunt with Ted Washington.

* It was a bad year for kickers named John -- Carney missed the extra point against the Jags and Kasay kicked the ball out of bounds. Why the "Farmer's Almanac" doesn't list these things, I'll never know.

* For all the talk about the Columbia disaster in Houston, people sure threw the word "courage" around a lot in regards to a stupid football game.

* Out of all the touchdowns scored, Greg Gumbel called all but one prematurely. It finally caught up to him in the fourth quarter, when the alleged touchdown pass on a fade pattern was called "incomplete."

* While we're on the subject of Gumbel, if at any point announcers want to look up the definition of "irony," fine by me. Ricky Proehl catching two game-tying touchdowns is not ironic -- it's coincidental. In fact, him catching it twice lessens the irony.

* Change Proehl's name to No-hands McDroplots or Jackie Smith, and then you might have irony.

* Speaking of Proehl, has anybody spent his entire career more under the radar? He has over 600 catches, and he's a lot like Robert Horry in big games --the third or fourth option that doesn't matter until the last two minutes.

* It should make it interesting when he's eligible for the Hall. I don't think he deserves to make it, but he's been as clutch as Lynn Swann when it counts, and he has 300 more catches and 2500 more yards -- and Swann is in the Hall. Proehl just needs to make some friends with some 1970s Steelers.

* I didn't know why Phil Simms harbored such hatred towards squib kicks, but after some research, I found out that squib kicks killed his brother. Sorry, Phil.

* Reliant Stadium -- Beautiful, state-of-the-art football facility or renovated Ikea?

* If it's the latter, did the teams have to build their own benches?

* Turns out, I'm two players away from being a Pro Bowl alternate. Who knew?

* Better yet, I'm listed ahead of Kordell Stewart.

* "Brady takes the snap, TOUCHDOWN! Hands off to Smith, HE'S IN! Brought down at the 45, gain of three."

* With the "Starsky and Hutch" movie coming out, it must be nice for Tedy Bruschi to know that when he retires from football, he'll have a spot for him playing Ponch in the "C.H.I.P.S." movie if he wants it.

* Frankly, I'm thankful that the commercials were pretty poor this year. It's nice to have a game that isn't better suited for bathroom breaks than the ads.