Sports Media: The genius of the Swimsuit issue

I was not around when this meeting took place, but I can guess how it might have gone.

In February 1964, Sports Illustrated was facing a crisis. There was nothing going on in the world of sports. What to do?

Someone had to step up to the plate with a fresh idea, or the fledgling sports magazine would go under.

The meeting grew tense, as more and more bad ideas were thrown on the table. Then, someone in the back of the room suggested perhaps the most testosterone driven idea of all time.

"Why don't we just have an issue full of chicks in bikinis."

Genius!

The first Swimsuit Issue was a tremendous success, even though it was full of swimsuit pictures the boys at Sports Illustrated had cut out of a Sears Catalog.

These days, the Swimsuit Issue is a huge production. Top-named models are paid millions to fly to exotic locations and pose in the skimpiest of designer bikini bottoms. Apparently, these designers do not make bikini tops, so the girls have to cover as up best they can.

The genius of this issue is in its timing. Why? Because nothing is happening in February.

Football season is over, baseball has not yet begun, basketball and hockey are right in the middle of their endless seasons, and in late February, most men are single, due to poor boyfriend performance on Valentine's Day.

This is the perfect time for a magazine full of bikini chicks to arrive on newsstands.

But, let's be honest. Men would go buy this magazine if it came out during the first half of the Super Bowl or the reception of their wedding.

When I realized I would be writing an article about the swimsuit issue, I went to my local bookstore to buy a copy. I repeatedly told the cashier that this was for research purposes only, although I do not think she believed me.

I took the magazine home and began to gawk... er, do my research for the article.

The first thing I noticed, well, the second thing I noticed was the outrageous price of these bikinis. Swimsuit bottoms, the size of washcloths, cost over two hundred dollars. Why did I go to business school instead of swimsuit bottom design school?

The next thing I noticed was the large contingency of foreign girls in the Swimsuit Issue. Now, one of the more appealing things about Swimsuit Issues of the past was models with the "girl next door" look. Today, unless you live in the former Soviet Union, these are not the girls next door. Is it too much to ask for girls with vowels in their last names?

As long as there has been a Swimsuit Issue, there have been women's groups protesting it. These groups claim the issue is degrading to women who wear cheap bikini bottoms. They also have raised the question -- what does this have to do with sports?

A spokesperson for Sports Illustrated is on record as saying, "We are a sports magazine. Swimming is a sport. Swimmers wear swimsuits."

All very good points, but let's be honest, these girls are not swimmers. Although they do have certain features that aid in floating.

So, three cheers for those masterminds of print media at Sports Illustrated. Only you can get away with calling pictures of foreign girls, filled with silicon, covered with oil, wearing $200 bikini bottoms, a sports magazine.