Larrisa: The Girl Who Didn't Want To Be

"I’m sorry, there was nothing we could do to save her". The cries echoed down the corridor of the mother, she had just been told her only daughter was dead. She and her husband stood holding each other, as if never to let go, their perfect life had been torn apart and turned upside down.

"We will do the autopsy tomorrow, Mr and Mrs Williams, once again can I say how deeply sorry I am", the doctor said, then he shook their hands and scurried away down the long corridor. Days came and went, Mr and Mrs Williams sat in their house silently and remorseful for these days, desperately awaiting the results of the autopsy, it was extremely agonizing. They thought they had been forgotten until the telephone rang, one bright May morning, "Hello" Mrs Williams spoke with pain. "Mrs Williams this is Miss Rutherford, I have the results of your daughter’s autopsy, would you please come down to the hospital as soon as you can, please go to my office. It is on the fourth floor and we can discuss the details of your daughter’s disastrous death and also please bring your husband.

The journey to the hospital was the longest, most anxious experience both parents had ever experienced, on the one hand they wanted the results but on the other hand they also were nervous at what it would reveal to have happened to their princess. They entered the hospital in silence and mourning, Miss Rutherford was standing at the elevator waiting patiently for the couple.

"Come on in", she requested while enquiring if they wanted a cup of tea. "I hate to be rude Miss Rutherford but my wife and I would just like to know what happened to Larrisa so we can lay her to rest, can you tell us that? Please?" "Ok", Miss Rutherford began "I’m afraid your daughter took her own life, we have rechecked everything because it is such a sensitive circumstance, we have support groups for both of you which you should feel free to go to". Mr and Mrs Williams stood up both as white as a ghost as their hearts had just been broken, had they failed their daughter? What had they done wrong? They were determined to find out why a faultless girl would be unhappy and what made her take her young, unlived life away.

Their princess was everything any girl wanted to be, that is anyone but herself and no one noticed until it was too late. Her name was Larissa and she was fifteen years old. She was always with someone and everyone wanted to be her friend because she was like a bulb that light up a room. Larissa was the type of girl everyone wanted to have as their daughter, the girl you would be proud to know, the whole world thought they knew her but how could so many people be so wrong? Larissa lived in London in a beautiful house, which was like a castle but yet it was almost more elegant, with her mother Alice and father Joshua.

Alice was the most knowledgeable woman in the world she was always doing this, that or the other for her community. She was one of the most genuine women and Larissa’s aim in life was to be like her mother. Joshua was the main surgeon in the nearby hospital; everyone admired and adored him, he was the idol of the community and the soul of it. Everyone had deep respect for Alice and Joshua Williams, they were everything a good couple should be, as now they had everything they wanted. They were very strong believers in God; compared to before Larrisa was born, because you see before they had Larrisa they were heartbroken because they didn’t think they would ever have a child let alone such a gifted one. When Alice found out she was pregnant with Larrisa she had never been so pleased in her life, so it was no wonder that they treated Larrisa they way they did. Larrisa was their world, their rain of sunshine on a cloudy day, their princess and everything to them.

In school all the teachers enjoyed teaching Larrisa. She had grave respect for every member of staff and all her fellow pupils. Her two closest friends were an ambitious young girl and a very friendly young boy; they were called Erin and Barry. Erin was, when she first came to the school the new girl in her class. She came about two years ago and Larrisa helped her settle and made her very welcome and in return the shy girl offered Larrisa her friendship. Barry was the little boy who lived round the corner, he and Larrisa had been friends from they could talk; they had been through everything together. He felt especially heartbroken when the tragedy happened. Larrisa also had one other person close to her, her Granddad Hughes. He was the only one she could really talk to but unfortunately she hadn’t seen him in a while because he was on a holiday with her Aunt Claire, so poor Larissa felt completely shut off from the world when she discovered how she was actually feeling.

So why did Larrisa take her own life! The other day in her form class they were learning to love themselves and as per usual Larrisa was at the front desk taking down notes. "Now girls", the teacher’s shrill voice ranted. "Today we are going to talk about loving yourselves. This is a very important topic". She began reading an article from a magazine analyzing teenage children’s behavioral patterns. She read out an article on a teen pregnancy, a run away, a binge drinker and a drug addiction. She then picked up the newspaper and read two other articles one on pressure on teenagers and the other was on a suicide. At the end of the lesson the teacher said, "Now think about if you are happy with yourself and if you aren’t try and change your life." "Am I happy with my life? Who does she think she is? She should be put in an asylum", muttered Barry to himself as he and Larrisa were walking home. "Ok Barry, whatever you think", Larrisa sarcastically remarked. "See ya tomorrow" Larrisa waved goodbye and off she went down the road to her house. The whole evening she thought about was she happy with her life and she immediately realized she wasn’t, what was wrong? What had changed? Larissa went home that day very confused, as she couldn’t understand why she wasn’t satisfied. Her parents loved her, her family worshiped her, her teachers admired her and her fellow schoolmates respected her. She was accepted wherever she went and never had any real problem in life, she didn’t know what sadness was like to feel or what pain was like to endure as Larrisa always had everything she wanted. That is except one thing, the one thing she really wanted, a boyfriend.

Her father and mother had only one rule, no boyfriend until her final exams were done and polished because they wanted her to work hard and they felt a boyfriend would distract her and also they didn’t want her to have her heart broken at such a young age, this fact however they didn’t tell her as they didn’t want to seem patronizing. Larissa often watched Betty in her class, she was a tall, slender girl with long perfect brown hair the color of chestnuts and big blue eyes the color of the sea on a mild day. She always had a boyfriend and not everyone liked her. People were sometimes really mean for example last week Larrisa found her in the toilets crying as some other girl had wrote a horrible poem about her. Everyone liked Larrisa and she knew it. She herself had been asked out a couple of times but on these occasions she had to say no because of her parents rule.

She had seen one guy she was interested in, his name was Ben she talked to him everyday after she walked past Barry’s house. Ben often waited on Larrisa and they would talk for about fifteen minutes and then Larissa would walk up the street home. She was able to do this with ease because she was always the first one home. It felt like something weird to her, something she had only read about in her books, and it was called a crush. When he talked to her, she felt amazing. She felt like she was the most beautiful girl in the world. She felt like this for months and soon it was April and the most exciting thing ever happened to her, Ben asked her out.

He grabbed her arm one day and said, "Please Larrisa, I can not stop thinking about you and it’s driving me crazy. Would you consider going out with me?" Her whole world came crashing down around her. He was the most perfect guy but she had to say no and ever since then she decided not to show any feeling at all and to be numb and lifeless. She wanted to remain his friend but ever since she said no to him, he just blanked her when they would meet walking home.

Larissa began to feel very alone; she could be in a crowded room and inside would feel cold and empty. She didn’t like this feeling, she knew she wasn’t happy and she thought back to what her teacher said, "Now think about if you are happy with yourself and if you aren’t try and change your life." Larrisa wasn’t happy, although that class had happened months ago she could still remember some of the articles. The last one was the suicide. It was written by a boy called Luke he was broken because his girlfriend had been in a car crash. He felt empty like her as she remembered the last line of the article; it was the end of his last diary entry it said ‘I would never want anyone to feel the way I do. You feel lost and I don’t think I will ever find myself. So I am going to give up because that is my only escape.’ The word ‘escape’ kept ringing through Larissa’s head, she wanted to escape, was suicide the answer for her too? After all everyone here didn’t matter anymore, Larrisa had changed a lot but yet not one of them had noticed. Yes she decided one night, I must, and I will escape.

So that was it, she knew what she was going to do but how was she to do it? The boy Luke had hung himself but she didn’t want to do that, Larrisa wanted to feel free when she did it. So Larrisa decided after many nights that she was going to jump from the bridge but she would also take a lot of medication beforehand so if someone did see her, there would be less chance of her being revived. She knew she was going to take her first aid box with her, so that was it. It was all to happen on Saturday night the 7th of May and she was pretty excited. When it came to Saturday she spent ages getting ready. She decided she would wear her white dress which her granddad said made her look like an angel and that what she was going to be. She told her dad she was going to Erin’s house for a sleepover and before she left she wrote a short note and left it on her dresser. It said, "I feel empty and want to escape, so that is what I plan to do and mother and father I am sorry if I cause you distress. You’ll always be in my heart and keep me inside yours, Larrisa xoxox." The guilt of it however got too much so she put it in her bag which she was bringing with her, which contained the first aid box.

She walked out the door and as she walked down the street. She turned to the house and began to reminisce about her childhood and all the things, which had happened to her in fifteen years. She took one last glance and headed for the local river. She sat on a tree stump and prayed to God to forgive her; Larrisa took out the tablets and took a random array of them. She then approached the bridge, stood on the edge, looked up to the heavens and said, "I’m coming God, and I want to be laid at rest". Then she was gone.

"God bless our little lamb, may she rest in peace", her broken mother said this at the funeral as her family and friend walked from the church to her grave. Everything was just right; it was completely beautiful and perfect for a beautiful and perfect girl. The day was very sad and everyone was left a little confused and unsettled but there was nothing they could do to bring her back. They placed the coffin in the ground, said one last prayer and walked away showing respect for the young girl. They left her in peace, just as she wanted.

Larrisa now looks down on them all and often. In her school they still pray to her, some children look at her for help and her poor family look to her for answers to their unanswerable questions. Although everyone was heartbroken they learnt that although it was sad Larrisa was happier this way. They felt guilty for not spotting her grief and pain. Just because something is beautiful outside, it doesn’t mean it feels good inside. This was the hard lesson the people of the town had to learn.