NBA: Smaq attack

What things do Shaquille O'Neal and Sentinel Sports Columnist Brian Schmitz have in common?

1 - They are both paid entertainers

2- They both seem to get great joy at saying things that will draw a reaction from others and inordinate attention to themselves.

3. - It is hard to tell the difference between something said honestly and something said sarcastically

Well at least #3 is what both of them would have you believe.

Somehow Orlando, the land of dreams and make-believe has come in to play as part of the ongoing soap opera that is "As the Lakers Burn". And why not? Orlando plays the role of the spurned ex-wife - the virginal flower that was once dominated by Shaquille - only to face the harsh cold reality of divorce via free agency.

But fans in Orlando still love Shaq - How can you not? He is a charming, funny guy and he is still one of the most powerful and entertaining reasons to watch basketball, outside of our own home team.

And now in this soap opera Brian Schmitz, an Orlando Sentinel Columnist who has a penchant for reporting items as if they were hard news, when in reality they were off handed remarks to try and draw some reaction... plays the role of the Virginal Wife's bitter and admiring suitor. He is the guy who Orlando never really loved, always just tolerated on the side lines - while he whispered as many disparaging remarks in her ear as she could stand..

Schmitz is an entertaining columnist. He has put the feet of the few superstars that the Magic have every had in town to the fire, and rightfully so - It's his job and it gets us all talking. We hate Schmitz at times, and the more we hate him the more we talk about how much we hate him - and that is why we keep reading him - not unlike the famous line from Howard Stern's Private Parts - "To see what he will say next"

This time - it is the stuff dreams are made of. At least here in Orlando. The injured Shaq, casually sitting around courtside in a $3000 suit, while the alleged target of his contempt, Kobe Bryant bounces around like the king of the Western All-Stars It does not seem to be a secret any more that Shaq and Kobe have a problem sharing the court. There has been enough speculation and suggestion on the possibility that Shaq has asked for a trade - either of him or Kobe - to piece together that all is far from well in Hollywood West. In fact, on the court there is a definite mark that stands out which is the Lakers inability to pull forward in the standings without the big man in the middle.

What a great opportunity Shaq must have seen when a pumped up Brian Schmitz came up for some words of wonder from the self appointed Big Aristotle of the NBA. Shaq went on to tell Schmitz that he would not be opposed to land back in Orlando, even suggesting that Schmitz both look in his eyes for the truth, check in with a few of the boyz in his posse AND the icing on the cake - take a whiff of jargon from the Crown Prince of Darkness himself - Lenard Armato - the man who single handedly orchestrated Shaq's jump from the dried up pond to the current river of rhetoric....for validation of the off the cuff bomb shell.

Shaq went on to talk about Tracy McGrady - praising our young hero as the type of unselfish player that potential NBA players should role model themselves from. WOW!! How true Aristotle was in his assessment. But the statement was designed more to rip Kobe than it was to praise T-Mac.

This discussion, combined with commentary from Armato perpetuated a Schmitz Column that now has the championship-starved Orlando fans in a state of murmur. And the rest of the country wondering what we are sniffing.

The subsequent 180-degree turn by Shaquille has essentially turned Schmitz's column into a major gaff Armato, who has no credibility among Orlandoans, may have spoken the most candid response you'll ever get from Slick Lenny:

"I think Shaq and myself feel like we owed it to (Orlando Sentinel columnist) Brian Schmitz to tease him a little in light of all the negative publicity he chose to promulgate while Shaq was in Orlando,'' Armato said.

So O'Neal did not mean anything he said?

"That's true,'' Armato said. "We were trying to tweak Brian Schmitz,'' Armato said. "Don't make this more than it is.''

Of course Schmitz fired right back on Monday as could be expected. He pointed out several things, not the least of which was that GM John Gabriel confirmed that he had a brief conversation with Armato, who according to the report broached the subject with Gabe.

From the Sentinel: "Gabriel was taken aback, but he also has heard for some time about Shaq sending vibes back to Orlando"

Of course, Gabriel always tells the truth...(ahem)

The side of this though that only true fan/observers of the Magic can appreciate is that in the wild world of modern basketball and the off the court drama that is pro sports - anything is possible. Shaq is the ultimate media, marketing tool - who seems to be destined for a career in movies and music beyond basketball. In short, the man has a flair for anything dramatic.

What better scenario could there be for Shaq, than to return to Orlando, the conquering hero - riding across Lake Eola to join forces with T-Mac and charge up the hill to win a championship? The sacrifice to bring him here would more than likely be - beyond huge - but with T-Mac still in place - it might be worth it.

The conventional wisdom says that the way this drama actually plays out is for Phil "Merlin" Jackson to sit down with King Arthur and Sir Lancelot and work out a way they can co-exist. They than have a media press conference, hold each others hands high in the air, and with "Flyin High Now" (The Theme from Rocky I) playing in the background they run out to the court and beat the Washington Nationals 105-34...

Magic fans should ask themselves at this point if this same scenario would be playing itself out now, If Shaq and for that matter Penny, had remained on the team. In this scenario - Brian Schmitz would have to be working as the Food Critic for the Palatka Daily PrunePit or something...

Magic fans have to wonder, knowing the ultra egos of both of our fallen superstars - How far away do any of us thing Shaq and Penny were to this type of situation like he has with Kobe? There are a number of local accounts that have Shaq remarking on some of the very same things about Hardaway. Having said that, I think most hard core fans would agree - that had it all resulted in an Orlando NBA Championship - they would be able to put up with whatever...

But that is all a part of some wax museum in our mind. We Orlandoans have our own realities to face.

As Magic Fans Heads continue to spin - from a serious 3 week run from the basement to the middle of the pack, media drops about Chris Webber and now the Shaq drama unfolding - It is all too much and fans would be wise to not get too worked up. These ARE the things that dreams are made of - and we would be best to take hold of what is right in front of us - and what is tangible - like T-Mac and Darrell and a revival of a Heart and Hustle run for the playoffs - than a battle of smack between our ex-patriot big man and our own local Peter Vescey Wanna-Be.

Maybe Schmitz is finally convinced that Shaq and Armato would never play him that way - never feed him something that they knew would cause a coast to coast stir, during a game which all the focus might end up on Kobe Bryant.

And Brian has reason to trust the guy. After all, he is only repeating what he said to us about 5 years back - Orlando is his first option.