Finally! Baseball is back

As I was driving and cursing my way through yet another East Coast snowstorm on Monday, I heard those six magical words that happily shifted my attention from the snow-packed highway on which my truck was spinning out: pitchers and catchers report this week. Yeeeeeeee-haaaaaaaa!

Thanks to a watered down college basketball season that was stripped of all its marketable talent (even Mike Dunleavy was drafted. Mike Dunleavy!) by last year's NBA draft, this year's sports deadzone has been that much more unbearable to endure.

Relax, though, it's almost over, and nothing says that more than February baseball. And even though the season hasn't even begun to start, let me be the first to give all you baseball fans a few pointers on who and what to look for this 2003 season.

Teams to Watch:

1. New York Mets: Yes, yes, I know. I say this every year: the Mets will win the National League East. However, I've learned my lesson and there's not a chance I'm saying that this year. What team collapses better than the Mets? None. Last year's season was such a monumental collapse that the Mets didn't even have time to instill that false sense of hope that has become as much their team signature as losing to the Braves. But this year will mark the return of that false hope.

Here's my prediction for the Mets this year: Tom Glavine will soar out of the gate until he realizes he's now a Met, at which time his career will take an abrupt and embarrassing turn for the worse. Mo Vaughn will struggle with his weight (yeah, that's some limb I'm going out on, isn't it?), but have a solid season. Steve Trachsel will continue to be the bane of my existence. And Art Howe will ask himself over and over again just what it was he was thinking when he decided to follow in the footsteps of greats such as Jeff Torborg, Bud Harrelson, and Mike Cubbage when he took the job as Mets manager. This is going to be one painful season to watch.

2. Chicago Cubs: Mark my words -- the Cubs will make the playoffs. Despite the best efforts of Eric Karros (who, thanks to Rey Ordonez, is the second-worst value in all of professional athletics) and Shawn Estes, the Cubs will be in the postseason. Mark Prior, Kerry Wood, and Carlos Zambrano are the next Greg Maddux, Tom Glavine, and John Smoltz and the Cubs somehow managed to get rid of Todd Hundley, which makes them an instant contender in and of itself. All apologies to my buddies Mark and Boner (as you saw with the Super Bowl, my predictions are usually a death sentence), but, fellas, your Cubbies are finally going places. Throw in the Dusty Baker factor (he won with the Giants despite the presence of Estes there, too) and the Cubs are my darkhorse World Series favorites.

3. New York Yankees: Absolutely nothing put a bigger smile on my face (other than Grant Roberts taking bong hits in the New York Daily News) last year than watching the Yankees exit the playoffs in the first round. But, as they're prone to do, the Yanks re-tooled, increasing their payroll to $160 million. $160 million! And the best part is, they're not going to win the World Series. Sure they'll win the American League East (believe it or not, Boston, but Todd Walker's not the answer), but they do that every year anyway.

But, they're a team to watch simply because of George Steinbrenner. Watching The Boss explode as Raul Mondesi and his $13 million salary tank a ball to shallow right is what sports are all about: overpaid millionaires with guaranteed contracts (read: Tony Clark) who aren't about to risk personal injury just to catch a soft liner. And George has plenty of Raul Mondesi's on his team this year so crack open a Schlitz and prepare for some big league meltdowns.

4. Cincinnati Reds: Once again, the Reds are pitching-strapped. However, Ken Griffey is long overdue for a big year and he, Adam Dunn, and Austin Kearns are arguably the best outfield (offensively and defensively) in all of baseball. With a new ballpark, don't be surprised to see the Reds trade some prospects for a washed-up pitcher or two (welcome to Cincinnati, Scott Erickson) just to make things interesting when they play the Cubs and Astros. So what exactly will happen this year with the Reds? I'm glad you asked: Griffey will cry and pout a lot as his glass body continues to be as fragile as the psyches of Michael Jackson's kids, and the Reds will finish a respectable third in the best division in baseball. One or two injuries to the Astros or Cardinals (J.D. Drew's hurt again? Nah, can't be.), though, and the Reds could be looking at a wild-card berth.

5. Tampa Bay Devil Rays: This season's over before it even starts, but I'll watch these clowns because I can't wait till Lou Piniella shows up for a game wearing flip flops and a Hawaiian shirt as he sips a mai tai and practices his golf swing in the dugout. Does any team that acquires Steve Parris and Rey Ordonez in the same offseason have any shot at winning? Piniella, Schmoo Piniella. Jesus himself couldn't turn this water into wine. So if you're unfortunate enough to watch a D-Rays game this year and you can't help but wonder why Piniella isn't throwing bases around or screaming at umpires, it's because Sweet Lou is the Tony Clark of managers and this season's already been mailed in.

6. Philadelphia Phillies: When I first heard that Jim Thome joined the Jason Giambi Sellout Hall of Fame, I wasn't too happy about it. But then I realized that Thome joined the Phillies, and things were right with the universe once again. Indians fans can take solace in this: the Tribe was never going to win a World Series during Thome's prime. So allowing him to go to Philly, where he's in for a big and hilarious surprise, isn't all that bad. Am I the only one anxiously anticipating the moment Thome decides to send his family to live in the midwest because Eddie Punchclock from south Philly isn't happy with his own life and has to threaten the Thome family every time Jimbo strikes out (which will be often)? The city of Philadelphia is still stewing over the Eagles' collapse so unless the Phils come flying out of the gates (which they won't), Philly's new whipping boy is named Jim Thome.

7. Texas Rangers: Where to begin? Buck Showalter is a terrific baseball man known for not being able to take a team over the top (as D'backs and Yankees fans will attest). But he has nothing to worry about here. Nobody could take these guys over the top. They're a team to watch simply because of Alex Rodriguez, who will have 55-60 homeruns while batting .330+ as he laughs all the way to the bank. A-Rod and Showalter will be as rocky as O.J. and Nicole and any fan whose excited that his team's front three are Kenny Rogers, Chan Ho Park, and Ismael Valdes must have stock in choke-artists.

8. San Francisco Giants: The only reason I'm putting the Giants on this list is that I'm fascinated watching Barry Bonds' head get bigger right in front of my very eyes. New manager? No thanks. Defending National League Champions? I'll pass. Watching Bonds' head get exponentially bigger as he continues to abuse steroids? Where do I sign?

9. Anaheim Angels: Before I go any further, thanks Angels. Not only did you beat the Yankees in the playoffs, but you then denied the aforementioned Bonds and his bulbous, steroid riddled head a ring. For that, I salute you. Now, on to business. While we all owe the Angels a pat on the back and a beer if we see them out at the bar, let me be the first to say there is no way they will repeat this season. Tim Salmon's body is due to crumble any minute now and on top of that, the Angels did nothing to improve this offseason. I get the feeling that this team is going to turn into Major League Baseball's version of the Baltimore Ravens (minus the murderous linebacker, of course). So why are they a team to watch? Well, the Mariners lost Piniella and right about the time of Ruby Durazo's third trip to the disabled list the A's might realize that he wasn't the missing piece after all. So the Angels could win by default. Sound familiar?

10. Chicago White Sox: The Cubs already made the list, so why not add the Sox, too? Bartolo Colon's a huge addition and it's just great to see a grossly overpaid athlete like Frank Thomas swallow his pride and return to a team that clearly doesn't want him.

So there they are. My picks for the teams to watch during the summer of 2003.

Stay tuned, though, there's more to come. Later this week I'll bring you my players to watch, not watch, and a few more predictions for 2003.