SlamBall: Everything is better on trampolines

You never see them coming, the days that change your life. They start just like any other day, but something special happens, and your life is forever changed.

On February 1, 2003, my life was touched by something amazing. Something that now I wonder how I ever lived without, like air conditioning or Anna Kournikova.

What ever could I be talking about? SlamBall, of course.

You may ask, "What is this SlamBall you speak of, and is it painful?"

SlamBall is everything you could ever want in a sport, apart from leggy blondes in body suits. It is a strange concoction of the NBA, NHL, and MTV's "Jack Ass." It is a high wire show of unmatched proportions. It is a showcase of athletes equaled only by the Olympic Games. It is a fast paced frenzy of highlights that will leave you breathless. It is basketball on trampolines!

SlamBall, which translates into Greek as "Sport of the gods", is brought to you on Saturday nights by the new TNN. The new TNN replaced the old TNN, which stood for The Nashville Network. The new TNN stands for The "Blind Date" and "Cops" Channel, although the letters don't quite fit.

SlamBall changed my life eight days ago. I walked into my apartment, after a night out with my lady, and my roommates, JT and Russ, had the television on TNN. Their mouths were hanging wide open.

I assumed that an episode of "Blind Date" had led to nudity in the hot tub. However, when the commercial break was over, I saw something that sent chills up my spine.

It wasn't "Cops" chasing stolen cars through suburban neighborhoods, or perfect strangers getting intimate on the first date. It was the greatest sport, involving trampolines and basketballs, ever!

This new-fangled sport is a lot like basketball, in the sense that it uses a basketball as its ball of choice. Score is kept in a similar fashion to basketball. There are two point and three point field goals. A dunk, however, is worth three points instead of two. Dribbling is allowed, but not encouraged. Tackling, fighting, and forearm shivers have become a vital element of the game. But these are just the petty details of SlamBall. What SlamBall is really all about is trampolines!

The SlamBall court has four trampolines on each end of the court. Players use these to catapult themselves dozens of feet into the air. Then they return to earth, throwing down thunderous dunks on their opponents. This is the sport that Dr. James Naismith wanted to invent. If he had only had rubber and springs instead of peach baskets, the world would have known this joy so much sooner.

You don't know the players of SlamBall, unless you are related to one of them. They are no-names who play for the love of the game, not the money. They do not cruise Los Angeles in their pimped out Hummers, smoking weed and listening to their own horrible rap albums. They don't retire to go play baseball on trampolines. They probably drive old Chevy Celebrities and live in apartments. I doubt they can even afford weed.

This wonderful marriage of poor athletes, a shady cable network, and trampolines has led to the most entertaining hour on television. In my opinion, this is the future of sports. If I had money, this is what I would invest in. If I had children, this is what I would force them to play, so I could play vicariously through them. But until I win the lottery or procreate, I'll just have to watch SlamBall with the rest of the nation, Saturday nights at midnight on the new TNN.

For more information, follow this link: SlamBall.