EXTREME: Plans for new Xtreme hockey league announced

By The IceMan @sportsrumor.com

Sportsrumor.com has learned, through a highly placed unreliable but very well regarded source, that a prominent multi-media mogul is about to announce plans for a new hockey league that will challenge the National Hockey League in the near future. This new league will present a brand of hockey that our sources are calling "XTREME HOCKEY."

"The problem with hockey is that it lacks scoring and violent action," the media mogul stated, "Oh, sure there is action but the League actually discourages the violence that most fans relish. Our League will give the fans what they want and we will go to any Xtreme to provide it."

Our sources tell us that the new League will feature 10-foot wide by 10-foot tall goal nets. Goalies will not be allowed to wear skates; flat bottom sneakers will be the League mandated goalkeeper footwear. Masks will be discouraged, but if a goalkeeper insists on a mask no openings for the eyes will be allowed.

Goalies also can be no taller than five foot eight inches. XTREME Hockey officials are estimating that these rules alone will double scoring.

There will no longer be an offsides whistle and the two line pass will now be legal; both changes figure to increase breakaways and manpower advantages for the offense. Icing the puck (sending it the length of the ice to get the defensive team out of trouble) will still be prohibited, but instead of simply penalizing the offending team with a face off in enemy territory, it will now result in a penalty shot on their goalie.

Just like the NHL, games tied at the end of regulation will result in both teams skating a man short, but an exciting new twist will be the introduction of the clear white puck. This clear puck will be very hard for the goalie to see and should provide an actual winner of most games that go to overtime.

As sweeping as these changes may appear to be, our sources tell us that the rules to increase violence are even more dramatic. Both teams will be expected to initiate at least one fight per period. No longer will the "third man in" be penalized. Players who do not participate in a fight in any three-game sequence will be fined $500 and be suspended without pay for one game.

But the most shocking change of all may be the most controversial: two players on each team, known only to the coach of their respective teams, will be allowed to carry derringer-like pistols. If provoked, these players will be allowed to brandish the weapons in a threatening manner, and if they feel like it can fire the weapons at opponents or, if they deem it necessary, their own teammates. Any time an opponent is wounded, a ten-minute game misconduct will be assessed.

If the wounded victim dies during the course of the game a three-game suspension will be levied. Wounding or killing a teammate will be considered an internal matter and will be dealt with by team management.

Sources close to rival NHL Commissioner, Gary Bettman said that he had no comment about the new XTREME League. Although they did deny that Bettman was considering a clear puck for overtime play.

Sources close to pro basketball player, actor, cross dresser, and WCW wrestler, Dennis Rodman report that he is learning how to skate.

If all goes well with a few very obvious legal issues, XTREME Hockey will be scheduled to launch in the fall of this year.

Article courtesy of Sportsrumor.com