What have I done

Well this has been a great year.

I had my first drink in over 3 years on Tuesday- Fat Tuesday which was also my first day without cigarettes.

If I follow my usual self-destructive tendencies I will be drinking like a fish, and coming up for smoke in no time.

I have been really good about not being a couch potato; I catch an hour of news in the morning and vedge in the evening

I certainly get more done with the radio on; thank God it has a remote.

Lately people have been telling me they are amazed at my transformation over the last 3 years.

From stopping work, 10/2001with Hep C and pancreatitis, enduring chemo-therapy while looking like a cadaver unable to rise out of my grave. To performing stand-up comedy, working promoting myself as a corporate humorist in the clinical trial industry and giving up all those negative habits and traits that have held me back.

Look out world- I'm on borrowed time and I'm going to make the best of it.

Maybe it's my age, my circumstances or just my self-induced hysteria, but I am comfortable where I am.

42, bald, bi-polar and using a camp-stove to cook doesn't matter anymore. I just want to laugh- speak the truth- and have a live that’s free of self-imposed struggles and walls.

Is that so wrong?

Most people I know cannot believe I am willing to get onstage and make people laugh, hopefully.

But I have learned that thru all of my struggles if I could laugh at them then I can accept them much easier.

Sure we can all cry about our dysfunctional relationships, upbringing and life, but why???

Everyone has suffering, it is meant to bring about change.

If God created everything, then God is the biggest joker of all.

He put it on auto-pilot and just watches us like he's watching TV.

Hey, what ya watching JC? Animal Planet Dad.

That's my feeling about it.

So lets make the best of it.

Let's laugh along with God.

Or just laugh, because life is funny.

Sure my Dad was a drunk but it was sure nice having that full bar under the kitchen sink. He wasn't made because we where drinking the booze, he was pissed because we watered it down.

Life is funny- if you can't find funny- just look at it backwards.

Sure the early bird gets the worm Or is it the early worm gets the bird?

So what am I doing to myself.

I am trying to move forward with laughter and acceptance in my heart. I am going to smile and say "Hey sure it could be better, but it has been a whole lot worse.

I'm going to get onstage an share my life so others will feel better about theirs.

I am going to use each day the best I can and accept that that occurs less than I would like.

I am going to accept that the only one I can change is Me.

And admit I am human and will never be perfect (at least not until my hair grows back).

I am not going to give-up, give in to negativity or give nothing but my best attitude to every person and situation I encounter.

What am I doing to myself - probably more work and effort than what I'm worth?

In my opinion it's worth it.