IKEA! Bargains, bargains, bargains

Is there something weird going on at IKEA or is it just me?

Why is it on a Sunday my wife and I sometimes feel drawn there for no apparent reason. We join the myriad of others who have come with offerings of cash to the God of IKEA in exchange for armfuls of tat we don’t need.

As a result of our last visit we came away with a frying pan we didn’t need, a chopping board, we didn’t need and an ice cube maker in the middle of a cold spell. You’ve got to hand it to the IKEA marketing department their ability to draw you in with incredible bargains is amazing. Sometime we go there to buy some of those low energy bulbs. We always say ‘right we aren’t going to buy anything else. Lets just go there, get what we need and get out’ Does it ever work like that? No! As soon as we get in the door we instantly loose our powers of rational. Instead of spending £3.99 on a few light bulbs we end up having to re-mortgage the house to pay for a whole new bedroom suite, some aluminium kitchen utensils and a wheelbarrow full of T light candles. It’s insane!

Of course we have to make a day of it so we have lunch in the restaurant. Despite saying ‘we will just have a sandwich and a cup of coffee eh!’ we just can’t help having those meatballs with that lovely gravy and red current jelly. It’s so tasty and cheap they get you every time. Bastards!

After negotiating the labyrinth of the bargain packed warehouse and finding enough will power to make our way to the checkouts, we still can’t break free from the IKEA value for money onslaught. After the checkout comes the Swedish food shop where you can purchase, at a very reasonable price, frozen meatballs and gravy and loads of foreign stuff you just have to try because it’s so cheap.

Why is IKEA so popular when their furniture design is so crap! Everything is so square! It’s like they’ve only just discovered right angles. Up until 1987 everything in Sweden was round. Then a bus driver called Ulvik Johnsson, while on holiday in Castleford, purchased a box of Yorkshire tea bags. Once back home people came from miles around to see Ulvik make a cup of tea with strange square shaped tea bags. The fascination with this new geometric wonder became a national obsession in Sweden. Abba’s greatest hits where reprinted on square CD’s. Footballs where manufacture in the new format but this policy was reversed when not a single Swedish team made the UEFA cup finals for three consecutive years. Also too many players where getting injured trying to head the ball.

An alarming fact is that the Swedish newspaper Östran recently carried the front page headline "Triangles discovered" which means it won’t be long before the old square look at IKEA is swept aside for the cool three cornered appearance. Out with four legged chairs and in with three. Lovely!

I wonder if they’ll change the shape of their meatballs?