7 Ways to Stop Enduring and Start Enjoying This Holiday Season

The holidays evoke a mix of conflicting emotions. While renewing connections can be richly rewarding, it can also be a vivid reminder of old wounds. Jane Straus, author of

Enough Is Enough!: Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life (Jossey-Bass, 2005, ISBN: 0-7879-7988-0, $22.95), says it is important to put those old wounds behind us so that we can enjoy the holidays with friends and family.

"The holiday season can and should be an adventure in joy and inspiration," she says. "If you are approaching the season with both excitement and dread, keep these pointers in mind. They will help ensure that you leave family gatherings with the kind of memories you want to recall."

*Talk to yourself before a family gathering

Remind yourself that you are inherently worthy of respect and kindness and that you don't need to prove yourself at this time of year. Promise yourself that if you slip into defending yourself, your mate, your children, your job, or your appearance, you will stop as soon as you notice you are being goaded. You can even say out loud, "I don't want to spend my time or energy defending myself or others. Let's find a way to talk more productively (or kindly)."

*Keep reminders close at hand of how you are valued

You may need to remind yourself that during the other 50 weeks out of the year, you are often appreciated by those in your daily life. If you are celebrating away from home, bring emails, notes, or letters that contain compliments or loving sentiments, pictures of those who are your support system, and a book that lifts you spiritually and helps you stay above the fray.

*Write a new affirmation every day and repeat it constantly

An affirmation is a positive thought you choose to immerse into your consciousness for a desired result. One example might be: "I appreciate and acknowledge my own strengths." Another good one: "I now give to myself what I think I need from others." This need could be understanding, compassion, respect, or joy.

*Don't talk behind others' backs

Gossip feeds upon itself. If you don't want it done to you, don't participate in it. Make this commitment and you will feel self-respect when you look in the mirror.

*Take some time for yourself

We all need to regroup and get centered again. Most of us aren't accustomed to being surrounded by company 24/7 and our spirits need a break. Go for a walk or drive, read a book, take a nap, or do an errand BY YOURSELF. Take in your surroundings in more detail. While you are alone, don't rehash past conversations. Do an affirmation instead.

*Shop from your heart

Let go of trying to "balance the books," figuring out what to get others according to criteria such as what they got you last year or how much they spent. Let your heart find the perfect gift that reflects their specialness without putting you into the endurance of deepening debt.

*Be generous with what matters

Offering compliments, listening well, giving of your time, helping with chores--all of your efforts will make you not only a welcome member of your group but will help you to keep your heart open.

"No one can guarantee that this holiday will be the best one ever," says Straus. "But you can decide to stop enduring and make this season your lead-in to a new, extraordinary year."

About the Author:

For more than 20 years Jane Straus has maintained a private practice coaching individuals, couples, and families using the principles found in Enough Is Enough!

She also speaks to various groups, provides consulting services for companies trapped in negative cultural patterns, and conducts in-depth seminars for organizations and individuals from all walks of life.

Jane's extensive list of clients has included the National Geographic Society, Environmental Protection Agency, California Department of Health Services, and National Park Service; nonprofit organizations such as the Sacramento and San Francisco AIDS Foundations, Yolo County Battered Women's Shelter, Davis Free Clinic, and Friends of the River; plus numerous hospitals and law firms.

She has been featured in the Sacramento Beenewspaper for her groundbreaking work and appeared as a guest expert on the CBS nationally syndicated program Can This Marriage Be Saved?

Jane has been interviewed on syndicated radio programs such as The Business of Success with Alan Rothman and Out West with Fred Imus and Nicole Cox (KJLL-AM, CNN Radio Network affiliate). She is the proud recipient of an Outstanding Young Woman of America Award.

In addition to Enough Is Enough!, Jane has written and self-published The Blue Book of Grammar and Punctuation (grammarbook.com). This easy-to-use reference guide and workbook--which is often purchased in bulk by executives who recognize that proper grammar is increasingly important in the marketplace--has won numerous awards, including recognition by the BBC.

Jane lives in northern California with her husband, daughter, and dog.

About the Book:

Enough Is Enough!: Stop Enduring and Start Living Your Extraordinary Life

(Jossey-Bass, 2005, ISBN: 0-7879-7988-0, $22.95) is available at bookstores nationwide, major online booksellers, and josseybass.com.

For more information, visit stopenduring.com.