Olympics: Citius, Altius, Fortius

Citius, Altius, Fortius.

The direct translation of the Olympic motto is Faster, Higher, Stronger. Maybe the International Olympic Committee should keep that in mind!

The 114th session of the IOC convened last week in Mexico City. Among items on the agenda was the debate over whether or not to reduce the number of sports currently being showcased at the Summer Games.

Heads on the chopping block included baseball, softball and the modern pentathlon.

The final decision was postponed and these particular sports organizing bodies can rest easy until the completion of the 2004 games in Athens, Greece.

However, I decided to take the whole process a step further. I've decided that only sports that meet the motto requirement will be allowed to participate in any future games.

I have grouped the sports into the following categories: "Stronger," "Higher," "Faster" and, my personal favourite, "Exception to the Rule."

Obviously I don't have the space to list all of the prominent events that should be included like the different swimming disciplines or the various cross-country skiing events. This is not intended to be an exhaustive list. Use your imagination!

"Stronger" sports include weightlifting, triathlon, boxing, decathlon and wrestling. (The latter will only be allowed to continue if they decide to drop the Grecko-Roman moniker. I think it has been long enough!)

"Higher" sports include the high jump, pole vault and ski jumping. Ski jumping also has an additional clause that the only winning criteria be distance. I personally don't care if you do your best "agony of defeat" impression when you hit the side of the mountain. Just go further than the next guy! Personally I think that snowboarding should remain simply because they're so stoked about their category!

"Faster" sports include alpine skiing, the marathon, luge (except doubles!), bobsled, skeleton, speed skating (long- and short-track), bike racing and the vast majority of track events. (You're cut Steeplechase!)

"Exception to the Rule" sports include the following: soccer since it is the most widely played game in the world, ice hockey because it's the best game in the world and curling because it's my last great hope at ever earning an Olympic berth.

Other than these previously listed the remaining sports are fair game for cheap shots and possible oblivion!

First to go are all "judging sports." Gymnastics and figure skating are SO cut.

Shotput is also banned until someone proves to me if you "put the shot" or "shot the put." Ditto for hammer throw unless they start using real hammers.

Synchro, cut. Synchronized diving, also cut!

Fencing is banned until they use real swords and draw real blood.

Frisbee (a.k.a. "Discus") is cut.

Triple Jump, cut.

You've already been cut archery.

All the horses practicing in dressage and show jumping, I'm sorry but you've all been cut. And feel free to kick your riders in the backside on your way out the door. Think of all those medals you've worked so hard for and some human want to be has them on display in their trophy case!

Softball, cut.

Basketball is cut because apparently, after their debacle at the last world Championships, even the Americans don't care anymore.

Cheesy "recognized" demonstration sports seeking official status include: climbing, golf, roller-skating, surfing, dance sports and bridge. (I am not making that last one up!) Sorry, but you're all cut.

Badminton, handball and table tennis should have been cut years ago!

There are, however, a few past sports that might be worthy of future consideration including rugby and tug-of-war! I swear that tug-of-war is on the IOC's list. Feel free to check it out sometime! (And I have a small gift for the first person that can explain to me what "korfball" and "wushu" might entail!)

I could go on and on about this for days.

Before you get too mad at me I recognize and admit that most of the sports cut require years of hard work, dedication and skill in order to compete at an Olympic level.

But, I don't care.

Besides, anybody who disagrees with me is unreservedly cut!