Funny New Year Resolutions

Gone are the days when New Year's Resolutions meant garnering an adhesive quality towards your goals. Gone are the days when the act of dragging one's feet was deemed sinful. Painting the town red and living the life of Riley is the nouveau mantra. The day and age of staunch resolutions has dived into deep waters only to re-emerge as a malnourished thought that could never hyperbole into a successful end. Come New Years, and we ought to hoot the trumpet with our long-winded plans, all anticipated but never chalked out. The plan reads 'Epilogue' before it reaches 'Prologue'! Without landing on any erroneous conclusions, let the highly motivated souls strive for their resolutions while the happy-go-lucky one's may write a few hilarious often pithy bloopers to enjoy a few fits of laughter!

However embarrassed I feel in letting out an (open) secret, I am always curious about other people's New Year's Resolutions. It's always interesting to know the way other minds work, and often enough it serves a psychological testimony of what I truly believe in - that the world is indeed a funnier place than we ought to think. Here, I share some resolutions, in no particular order, that I came across and found, well, very entertaining. After all, sharing is caring, is it not?... And so, we take off!

1. I will not look at boys. - 13-year-old girl

2. I will not tell the same story at every get together. - Incorrigible bore

3. I will eat ice-cream at midnight - every midnight of the year, I mean, not just this one. - Ice-cream Connoisseur

4. I will not let the dog hog the pillow, growl at me from the sofa, and snatch the bun from my plate - this year she's going to learn that I'm the Alpha of the house and only I get to do certain things. - Owner of untrained dog.

5. I won't worry so much. - Fuss Budget

6. I need to start worrying a little. - The Merry Spirit

7. I will cut my hair. - Long-haired person

8. I will grow my hair. - Short-haired person

9. I will shave my head. - Hairy person

10. I will polish my pate. - Bald person

11. So many men, so little time... will make more time. - Young Woman

12. This year I'm going to be kind. - Unkind Person

13. This year I'm going to stop being so nice. - Person who overdid it

14. I will quack like a duck first thing in the morning and last thing at night. - Donald Duck Fan

15. I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. - Lazy and Smart Fellow

16. I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine; if that unwashed fellow sits next to me again, I'll TELL him he stinks! - Diffident classmate of Lazy and Smart Fellow

17. I'm going to learn cusswords in different languages. - Expert Cuss(er) in Own Language.

18. I don't need no STINKING resolutions! - Resolute Stinker

19. If I see a UFO I won't tell anybody about it. - Spoilsport

20. I will remember that Muffin Day is on the 29th of every month. - Muffin Lover

21. I will not tell lies. - 10-year-old liar

22. I will be more imaginative. - 30-year-old 'Creative Person'

23. I will rename my dog something really strange and long. - An Obtuse Thinker

24. I resolve to be nice to people without bringing Jesus into the equation. - Secular Person

25. With that cloned cow having given birth and everything, I resolve to pay more attention to where my food comes from this next year. - Organic Eater

26.I hope to be able to make people think happy thoughts when they think of me. - Goody Good Two Shoes

27. I will go on long ego trips. - Honest Egoist

28. I will prognosticate that I will probably procrastinate engaging in all the objectives I have premeditated for this approaching twelvemonth. - Honest Wordsmith

29. I will have noble thoughts. - Impure Thinker

30. I will not puff my entire body to twice its size and screech in her ear after my human has finished watching a horror movie. - Pet Cat

31. I will not bite the children of lawyers, no matter how much they chase me or how hard they pull my tail.- Pet Dog

32. I'll help the Green House Effect and stop throwing my rubbish into the school drain. - Tween boy

33. I will stop throwing water down from the top floor at our school at the people passing below. - Tween boy

34. I will not hang around girls - they think you love them and that sucks. - Tween boy

35. I will not let lose my bodily functions right when somebody is walking underneath. - Crow on the top branch of the tree

36. I will flit gently into the night. - Fruit Bat

37. I will never squat again with my spurs on. - Cowboy

38. I will never again smack a man that's been chewing tobacco. - Cowboy

39. I will remember that life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. - Experienced Bouncer

40. I will remember it isn't worthwhile wrestling with pigs - you get all muddy and don't the pigs just love it! - Experienced Mud Wrestler and Pig Keeper

So, after an exhaustive list of funny new year's resolutions, I am thoroughly inspired to create one for myself as well... And my resolution is that I, in all my sensibility and sanity, would take neither myself, nor any of the above, seriously! Now, you have my resolution on platter, where's yours!