Road woes continue for Blazers

Whew. I never thought I'd get through another one.

No, I'm not talking about the tumultuous Christmas season, I'm talking about sitting in front of my television set suffering through yet another ugly Portland Trail Blazers road loss.

Can we get Dr. Jack Kevorkian to hook up his assisted suicide machine to the 2003-04 edition of the Trail Blazers and just end the pain and suffering right now. It would sure be a lot less messy than watching the Blazers stumble and fumble their way through the rest of the season.

Just what is it about the long and winding road?

Just when things start smelling rosy in the Rose Garden with wins against the Minnesota Timberwolves and Dallas Mavericks, the Blazers take to the road and step in dog manure.

And hoo boy, that manure smelled something awful in Cleveland Sunday night, especially during the fourth quarter. The Blazers scored a grand total of eight points in that final period. The manure stench was so bad that I heard Blazers coach Maurice Cheeks made the players check the bottoms of their sneakers.

The effort was so horrendous in the fourth quarter, the Blazers played as if something was on the bottoms of their sneakers, either glue or manure. I'm pretty sure it was manure judging by the look on Cheeks' face after the game. The odor didn't affect LeBron James, who dominated the Trail Blazers with 32 points, 10 rebounds and nine assists.

The score was 72-72 with 7:48 to go, but the Blazers fell asleep and the Cavs outscored Portland 14-2 to close the game, sending the Blazers on to New Jersey still looking for their first road victory of the season.

Don't get your hopes up Blazers Believers, they won't win in New Jersey either. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the Blazers continue to pile up losses on the road. For whatever reason, the Blazers seem to put out as little effort as possible when they play games on the road. Portland is now 0-10 away from the Rose Garden.

There is no simple explanation for the Blazers' ineptitude outside the Portland city limits.

It seems they play fine for three quarters, and then disappear in the fourth. And it seems Rasheed Wallace is honing his Harry Houdini impression, disappearing from games on a regular basis. After scoring 15 points in the first half, Wallace shot just 1-for-8 during the second half of Sunday night's loss.

Wallace is making a habit of disappearing. Houdini would be proud.

Maybe the players aren't that fond of coach Cheeks. They certainly don't put forth the kind of effort one would expect a well-liked coach to inspire. The players have said they like Cheeks, but if the proof were in the pudding, I'd have to surmise that Cheeks wouldn't win any popularity contests.

Maybe the Blazers will play better after the holidays are over. I know that I was stressed out during the Christmas season. I expect that I will function much better when January 2 rolls around. Maybe the Blazers will, too. Then again, probably not.

Maybe the Blazers just aren't that good. A lot of people picked them to make the playoffs, including me. I think I jumped the gun a little with that prediction. Who could've anticipated that, two months into the season, the Blazers would be 0-10 on the road? I don't think anybody saw that coming.

And I don't think anybody thought the Denver Nuggets, Golden State Warriors, Memphis Grizzlies, Utah Jazz, or even the Los Angeles Clippers would be vying for Western Conference playoff spots.

Nostradamus wouldn't have seen that one coming.

With the new year just a couple of days away, maybe the Trail Blazers should make one very important New Year's resolution -- to play at least one full 48-minute NBA game on the road.

At this point, it may be better for the Blazers to make a trip down the yellow brick road to see the Wizard of Oz, because they need something that Paul Allen's money can't buy.

They need a heart.

And they need to stop stepping in dog manure every time they leave Portland. Because pretty soon, that manure is going to find its way into the Rose Garden on the bottoms of some very rich millionaire's sneakers.