Parenting and New Year Resolutions

Well, I'm not a parent and neither do I have any New Year's Resolutions inclined in that direction, but I’m not going to let that stop me from dispensing with the advice. Only a non-parent from his or her safe vantage point, I feel, can have an unbiased perspective on the parenting aspect of the family drama. When you don't have to worry about bringing up any of your own, you have plenty of energy to think about how other people should bring up theirs.

So here are some parenting pointers for the coming year :

1. Please don't try to be a role model unless you're sure you're a stalwart one worth duplicating. If you're not, well, atleast you'll have something to start the New Year's Resolution list with.

2. Children, my grandmother often said, should be seen and not heard - she was dropping a heavy hint in my direction, of course, but I failed to notice until recently - I hope you lot won't be so slow. Children that are heard more than they are seen can be seriously annoying. In fact they tend to be excruciatingly unbearable when seen.

3. Do make sure though that your children are the sort that are heard when it comes to saying 'Please' and 'Thank you' and 'I'm sorry' and things like that. Our society has not progressed to the point where good manners are no longer appreciated, and hopefully it never will.

4. Teach your child to be respectful of other people, races, and cultures by practicing such respect yourself. It is not necessary for either of you to love everybody - probably impossible too - and it's not likely that everyone would want to be loved by you either, so being tolerant is enough.

5. Don't let your child grow into a money-minded market watcher. Take a very firm stand here - no, you CANNOT have such-and-such because so-and-so have it - you MIGHT have had it if you'd come up with a better reason, think about that. They'll hate you for a while, but I don't think you should suffer from any lasting psychological damage.

6. Don't let the food fad experts into your house. Your three year old should eat the apple, not give a learned discourse on how many calories it contains.

7. Do get your children pets. It's not likely to make them responsible citizens, but it might make you a less rigid one.

8. Don't spend 'quality time' with your children, have time available, period.

9. Don't send your pre-schoolers to any creche purporting to teach them the construction of the Solar System. Your child is not going to be smarter than the rest of the human race in later life because he/she can labialize 'Uranus' right now. Before one is launched into outer space, one must have a sound grasp of the launching pad.

10. Before you pack off your primary/secondary/high schoolers off to after-school private tuitions, think of asking why they need it in addition to the long hours at school - I mean, why aren't the teachers earning their salary? Unless the child has any kind of learning disability and needs extra-special attention beyond what the school can offer, it is the Teacher's job to make sure extra classes beyond school are not needed.

12. Encourage your child at all times, but be aware of his or her capabilities and limits and please remember that there is a place in the sun for everyone. Not just for rats from the fast-track.

11. Don't EVER send your children to any art classes where they are required to color inside the lines. Art is about exploring and expanding individuality, not trammeling it.

12. Don't EVER send your children to Art, Music, and Dance Classes that have sarcastic, tear-inducing Instructors. Discipline and firmness is one thing, but sheer unpleasantness quite another, and people, who can't control this aspect of their personality, have no business teaching anyone anything, especially things that are supposed to bring such enjoyment to life.

13. Bringing cultural awareness to your child is a good thing, but for best results let this be by the osmosis process, not the force-fed drip. Visiting Art Galleries, attending Music Programs and Film Festivals, and browsing Book Shops is fine, just as long as it's not a once-a-year pilgrimage with a tired child that is hankering more for the McDonald's around the corner.

14. Keep T.V. and Computer usage to the minimum. That goes for both you and the kids. When you're all grown up you want to have something more interesting to remember than 'that Sunday when we watched six soap operas in a row and then surfed the web for eight hours straight.'

15. If possible, take your children on vacations to far-off places. Let them participate in planning the journey and reading about the destination. Unless they're very young, let them decide what they want to take along and do their own packing.

16. Teach your children to be careful as they move around in the world. It's not a bad old place, but, remember, there are Ogres even in Fairy Tales.

And, lastly, all you parents, congratulate yourselves that you got this far without needing my advise. You're the salt of the earth and you have my deepest admiration. Have a Happy New Year!