General: Gifts for all

By Stephen Baker CPKSports.com Senior Writer

It's Santa Steve, with gifts for all of the good (and bad) boys and girls.

To Randy Moss: the desire to play every weekend.
To George O'Leary: the head coaching job at New Hampshire.
To Bill Gramatica: some ice and some sedatives.
To Dan Issel: a six-pack of Corona.
To Bud Selig: a soul.
To Northern Virginia: the Expos.
To Montreal Expos fans: a baseball team.
To Philadelphia fans: Cleveland fans.
To college football: a playoff.
To Michael Jordan: one pint of water from the fountain of youth.
To Nate Newton: 300 pounds of Twinkies.
To the Detroit Lions: another win, go ahead, you've earned it.
To Eric Lindros: more padding for the helmet.
To Doug Flutie: Flutiemania, just for old times' sake.
To Billy Beane: $100 million in unmarked, non-sequential bills so he can go out and replace Giambi.
To Shaq: bikini wax for those short-shorts.
To Dominic Hasek: a Stanley Cup ring.
To the US hockey team: a nice hotel room
To tennis: another John McEnroe. Heck, another Stefan Edburg, they need all of the help they can get.
To the NHL: bowling's TV ratings.
To NFL officials: TiVo.
To the World Cup: good press, great games, and no riots.
To the Winter Olympics: real alcohol in Salt Lake City.
To the BCS: a computer virus.
To Cal Ripken: nothing, he already has everything.
To the Clippers: a playoff spot.
To Tim Floyd: a nice fishing trip with Fredo.
To Jarome Iginla: a spot on the All-Star ballot.
To Ball State and Pepperdine: spots in the Big Dance, they've earned it
To the Palestra: immortality.
To Fenway Park: a wrecking ball.
To George Steinbrenner: a lump of coal, but he'll probably turn it into a diamond.

Merry Christmas and Happy holidays, everyone! It's been a great year for sports and I'm already looking forward to next. My Christmas stocking is already full of gifts for the World Cup, the Winter Olympics, a Lakers possible three-peat, a hotly contested NFL playoff, bowl season, the Big Dance in March. I've got an over abundance of gifts; I hope you do, too.

Article courtesy of CPKSports.com