The Holidays

Ahhhh the holidays are here again
Hannukah and Christmas
both festivals of lights
and giving and/or receiving gifts
I think of those years gone by,
cold winters of South Dakota
and all that snow.
Now I think how much snow it would take for me to spend the holiday with either of my parents
If only I could go back
back to a time when everyone seemed to love each other and care
before the days of Mother disappearing into the darkness
and Father disappearing into the closest bar or bottle
And I loved those days
the family around
grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins driving many miles through the snow
just to share the holiday with us
And the constant refrain
"How cute, now Milton try it on and show Aunt Esther
how much you appreciate her gift
I most appreciated the socks and underwear
I received every Christmas
I look forward to them because
I never had to try them on
fortunately Incest was the only bad habit that ran through
the family history
The advantage of growing up without a mother
and an alcoholic father
I was never cold- I really loved vodka
a few years I gave myself the gift of sobriety
Not because I wanted to
but because at 35 my liver was in bad shape
but I still experience Christmas Cheer
the real kind
the feeling that everything is as it should be
beyond my control and all I can control is how I react
I choose to be happy
even without the presents, the family or the holidays "spirits"
Living in Palm Springs I don't miss the snow
it's on the mountains
and I still know people who should be snow-blind
If I could go back to that time
as if it were a present I could give myself
I would not
I would hate to have to relive my life again
I love the present- of the present
God Bless You
Joyous Holidays
and may you realize that every day is a blessing
not just the holidays