12 Tone Music: A Composer's Journal Entry December 15, 2004

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

1 p.m.

The early results from my latest poll is very encouraging. 96% of the people who voted say they are either first time readers or that they read all the entries or intend to read them. (12% said they read all of them & print them up & send them to friends.) 4% said some entries were enough & no one said one was enough, thankfully.

So I will continue posting them.

Over a thousand people have read some of the entries. Judging from the numbers (we can monitor how many people read each posting) it does seem as though most people read all of them - which is many pages to read, especially the interviews. Perhaps my next poll question should ask if people read the Journal Entries from beginning to end - or if they work backwards. I suspect they read the newest one first, & then go back to the first entry & work their way up to the present chronologically.

12:30 a.m. Finished all the corrections to the score. Wrote Bob a quick e-mail: "Done!. We had better work on the corrections together soon, before I forget what all my squiggles & arrows mean." The score, at this moment - is pretty much a mess to look at.

I am pleased with the result, however.

Even though Movement I was written before dear Cindy so suddenly & tragically died, the first movement was always intended to be a slow movement, an elegy - which is an unusual way to begin a three movement piece. Ordinarily, the slow movement is placed second, between a faster first & last movement. Now I understand. The first movement was an elegy for her, & reflects all the personal, human grief that the people who knew her are feeling. And it does hover, stylistically, between Heaven & earth. Some of Movement I is very human, almost Baroque in nature; the rest is in my more recognizable sad, fragile style & not very earthly.

The human & the angelic.

The other two movements are the unfolding of the soul’s journey - Mt. III is entirely in another realm, angels or sprites dancing. Interesting, even before Cindy’s death I had decided that this quintet was the unfolding of the soul’s journey.

All of us that knew & loved Cindy, on some level of their being knew that she was leaving for other realms soon. Even though I am clairvoyant & often see into the future, this information was hidden from me consciously - because I was not supposed to prevent her accident. Coming & going, incarnating & "dying" are well planned in advance, before we even incarnate. So to put the Elegy first makes much sense. It is only the beginning, the grief that follows the apparent separation from someone we love, a separation that does not truly exist. Being clairvoyant, I saw her in other realms even as I heard the news of her "death".

I do not experience these realms as being "separate". Other realms are not a million light years away across the galaxy. The realms all coexist, they ARE. They are not "here" or "there", there is no here or there in true Reality.