Avoiding Holiday Pressures

Plump turkeys, pumpkin pies, Christmas trees and family gathered round. All these images are imbedded in our psyches. TV barrages us constantly with evocative scenes of picture perfect moments in pristine homes. And viscerally, we react. Deep down inside the pressure to be part of these Kodak type families, builds hard and fast. We HAVE to have everything our children want. We have to have the perfect Thanksgiving meal, the perfect tree and so on.

But gee, lots of us don’t have Kodak families, pristine $300,000 homes, or happy families, do we? No, of course we don’t. And trying to compete, to provide more than we can, is insane. Why put ourselves through it? It’s not necessary. There are some things you can do to help ease the pressure.

1: Recognize that you can only do what you can do with what resources you have. If you have a limited budget, stick to it. Talk to your children, lower their expectations. If you can only afford one present, have them decide what they really want. Make the whole season Christmas, from December the 1st on. Each day, bake or celebrate some feature in your children you admire. Just being together this year, is more than the over 6,000 families in NY, and our fallen soldiers will ever have again.

2: Christmas is a season of giving and sharing. Share your family with friends who are in similar circumstances. Pool food and activities. I remember one year, 25 years ago, we lost our home, and my husband was disabled by a job injury. We ended up, 2 days before Christmas in a motel, with our 7 year old daughter. I remember how we felt like utter failures as parents.

On Christmas Eve day, my husband went out and found a very sick little sprig of a tree and brought it to our room. Other people there got together and between us, shared Christmas dinner and sang carols out in the courtyard. Through my tears, I realized the magic of Christmas had crept in and filled this dismal time with unexpected gifts of love and hope.

3: Try and resolve any outstanding family grievances, before the holidays get fully underway. Give the gift of forgiveness to family members.

4: If by going to a relatives home for the holidays, you always end up stressed and angry-DON"T GO! Stay home and make your own traditions. Life is too fleeting and precious to throw away.

Remember Christmas is the celebration of the birth of a Child, who gave His life for us. It is so important that children are given the opportunity to share in the knowledge and belief. This year, the feeling of being connected to something bigger than ourselves is so important to our children. Now, more than ever they need to see and feel the love and hope that faith brings. Watching others show belief that good will triumph over the monsters who hurt us so deeply, will help them feel more certain about tomorrow.

There is only one person who can control the stress in your holiday season-you. Only you can decide what’s truly important to your family. You are only human and can do so much with what you have. Recognize this, let the expectations go, and relax. Your best is good enough. Your love is what really matters.

Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping
Tips from the Mayo Clinic