MLB: Please Stop The Joke That Is Baseball

Thank you sir, may I have another?

-classic Kevin Bacon line, adopted by baseball owners and repeated to players

Stop The Insanity!

-not-so-classic Susan Powter line, adopted by baseball fans.

Alex Rodriguez is a fine player and a nice guy. But there is no way in any stretch of the imagination, however warped the mind of agent Scott Boras might be, that he is worth $252 million.

Nor is Manny Ramirez worth $136 million. Nor is Kevin Appier, a fifth-line starter, worth $55 million. Not one single player in baseball this offseason has signed for what they're worth.

They've signed for more. And you can add that description to every player in the game today.

Baseball has now once again ruined whatever gains it made since the 1994 strike with its outlandish spending, egomanical owners and even more egocentric players and agents.

Just stop the game, please. Just stop baseball right now, make it take a year off, and re-establish some ground rules. This is getting ridiculous.

A few years back, Boras client Kevin Brown was signed to a huge deal by the Los Angeles Dodgers, despite the fact it was later revealed that the Dodgers were basically bidding against themselves. Now, it is said, that the Rangers' deal was more than twice what was offered by any other team.

Not only that, but the opt-out clause gives Rodriguez the chance to end the deal midway through his contract, such a clause that only the Rangers were agreeable to put it in writing. Add it all up (a lot of adding, mind you) and it smells like bad business.

But that's baseball nowadays. The same sport which brought you the Subway Series will bring you the real-life version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" a thousand times over.

Rodriguez signed for more money than Rangers owner Tom Hicks had to put for up the team itself a few years ago. It makes you laugh, but it's true. And there is no conscience, as least visible, seen by Hicks that would make anybody think he's disturbed by this.

And now, when baseball commissioner Bud Selig calls for a work stoppage, he cannot be trusted when he says that the owners want to stop the outrageous spending. If owners wanted to stop giving players money, they would be able to do so without hiding behind the cover, the cower, of a work stoppage.

Selig is hurt in this, of course. He went up to Congress last month and promised change. He spoke big words, now he sees his owners come up with the big money. Alex Rodriguez doesn't need his own merchandise booth or private jet or public relations office. He's got more than enough money to pay for that. And a matching set for all his teammates.

Say what you will for the New York Yankees, but getting Mike Mussina for $88 million has proven to be a steal. And as one of its representatives made vocal fact of, when the Texas Rangers and Boston Red Sox and Colorado Rockies complain about inequal revenue during the season and then sign free agents, they don't deserve sympathy if it doesn't work out.

Mike Hampton goes to Colorado, when you would have thought that Darryl Kile's episode at Coors Field would have made him think twice. But Hampton insists this was not about money. It didn't matter that Colorado offered him the most money. It was all about the family.

Then you hear Boras talk about Rodriguez feeling comfortable with the Rangers' commitment to winning. Texas this year has picked up two players, Andres Galarraga and Ken Caminiti, who both are coming over from the National League and don't have more than a few years left in their careers.

Then you look at the Texas pitching, led by the un-legendary Kenny Rogers. You wonder how, with that being the top pitcher for the Rangers, they expect to win games.

Yes, Oakland used bash-ball to advance to the playoffs. But Oakland also has Tim Hudson, Gil Heredia, Barry Zito, Mark Mulder, four young arms that can dominate on a good night. Texas, with Rogers and Sele, don't have a dominant arm. They have a nice team. They don't have a championship team.

But that wasn't one of the requirements for Rodriguez. He had said during the season that the determining factor would be money, not titles. He said that at this stage in his life, being in his mid-20s, he wanted to set his family up for financial security. There we go again with the family card. But it's used too much now, used to the point where fans are immune.

Fans are sick and tired of being lied to, of being told that it's about family when it's about money. Fans are sick and tired of seeing players ask for the moon. Fans are sick and tired when they see owners give someone the moon, stars and sky as a signing bonus. Sooner or later, it will all come down to fans saying they've had enough. It might not be this year. Or the year after next. But it will come. Then what does baseball do?

Alex Rodriguez, who has not won one thing in his professional career, has nothing more than some guady stats and a nice smile, is now supposedly worth $252 million. Anybody care to take a shot at how Derek Jeter, who has nice stats, a nice smile and wins titles, will be looking for at his next contract talks?

Sooner or later, it has to stop. Fans sit by and shake their heads in amazement, in anger. They see a sport being slowly wasted away. Make no mistake, with money being tossed around like Monopoly, baseball is dying in front of our eyes.

And when the owners finally decide to stop, when they've run out of money and can't spend any more, when they see players still with open hands, wondering when their payday comes, it will end. We'll see a big tombstone, reading "Baseball: Negotiated to Death."