A long day of football

By Vikram Mohan Sports Central Columnist

When I first saw the schedule of NFL games on Thanksgiving, I was actually happy. I always appreciate watching the Lions play, because they are one of the few "scrappy" teams left in the league, especially when Mike McMahon plays.

Also, I had been waiting all season to have an opportunity to keep a running diary of watching a Kordell Stewart game, which has not worked out, but keeping a diary of a Quincy Carter/Jay Fiedler match up seemed promising in terms of laughs. The following is what transpired on what turned out to be an uneventful, lackluster day of football.

Green Bay Packers vs. Detroit Lions

11:01 in first quarter -- I realize I hate this game and want to go play Madden ... and by "Madden," I mean Madden '94, because that is all I have.

8:05 -- Shawn Bryson scores on another nice run although he is hurt ... I add him to the list of good Tennessee backs in the league, which already includes Charlie Garner, Jamal Lewis, and Travis Henry.

Since when is losing RB James Stewart for the season a big blow to a team, anyway? He is definitely not on the list of good Tennessee backs. Speaking of Tennessee, whatever happened to Jay Graham?

5:50 -- I hope that I have not missed the segments that show what Gilbert Brown and Jerry Ball eat on Thanksgiving. The recurring image of the two of them waddling into a Shoney's breakfast buffet creeps back into mind. Wait, is Jerry Ball still in the league?

3:03 -- Joey Heisman completes a 30-yard pass. I expect to see him sprint downfield in jubilation as he always does, but he shows remarkable restraint and only flexes his eyebrow and looks to the sideline.

End of first -- I cannot believe that Joe Buck has not said anything idiotic yet. Is the Lions' run defense really this good?

14:50 second quarter -- Wesley Walls breaks free in the middle and makes a nice catch. I still cannot believe that the Panthers let him go. The Panthers basically have a tight end by committee now, which definitely does not help QB Jake Delhomme.

Letting Walls go was definitely one of the worst moves of the year. The Packers should use Walls more often. I just saw that Bubba Franks is only 25. That cannot be right, because I swear that guy was in Green Bay way before Mark Chmura.

12:50 -- I am stunned to see Dan Wilkinson hit Najeh Davenport in the backfield. Joe Buck calls Wilkinson a "wall." I have not heard this much praise for "Big Daddy" Dan Wilkinson since June of '94 when I visited my cousin in England.

Instead of asking me if I had seen Michael Jordan or even Cecil Fielder play, he asked, "Oh, have you ever seen the Big Daddy play? ... He's my favorite player." He even had Wilkinson's SI cover posted on his door.

10:40 -- Chris Collinsworth says that Green Bay has a luxury because Davenport gives them a back with a "north-south" style of running to complement Ahman Green. I am amazed that neither he nor Buck says the word "change-up." I think I just found the first thing I am thankful for this Thanksgiving.

10:00 -- Buck calls Heisman's start to the game "precious." What a sap.

5:40 -- Collinsworth talks about how the Lions have exploited the Packers up the middle all day, because S Darren Sharper and LB Nick Barnett are not playing. Yet, at this point, the Lions have only run up the middle one time, and Olandis Gary was stuffed on that run.

Halftime -- I go outside to wash all of our cars.

8:13 fourth quarter -- I just got back from washing all of the cars. Dre Bly just had an INT. I am surprised to see that he has had another good game. I also cannot believe that he did not fumble the ball considering the way he was carrying it.

7:20 -- Collinsworth says that Green Bay has to "start thinking about the clock now," even though there are over seven minutes left in the game, it is third-down for the Lions, and Green Bay has three timeouts.

7:00 -- Az-Hakim makes a first-down catch.

5:30 -- Corey Schlesinger has a sweet block that is replayed. I love watching Nebraska fullbacks.

2:40 -- Big Daddy makes another great play by sacking Brett Favre.

Lions win 22-14.

Dallas Cowboys vs. Miami Dolphins

Before kickoff -- Why the hell would Miami elect to receive? They should let the defense start out and give the offense good field position and momentum. Let Quincy Carter make the early mistake that you know he is going to make on the first possession of the game to take the crowd out of the game before your offense even gets on the field.

14:50 first quarter -- Fiedler underthrows a ball so badly that the CB covering Chris Chambers inadvertently interferes.

12:40 -- Fiedler underthrows another ball, but the receiver makes the catch.

10:24 -- I guess that receiving the kickoff worked out, because Miami just scored. Who knew their offense would show up for once.

10:10 -- Troy Hambrick is stuffed for a loss. Is Hambrick protecting the "young, unpolished" Quincy Carter with his legs or is Carter protecting the "rough around the edges" Hambrick with his arm? Jesus.

8:41 -- Dallas' first three-and-out. I think I'll start a tally.

5:10 -- I missed some of this drive, but I notice that the Cowboys are punting ... I'll just assume that its their second three-and-out.

5:00 -- A close-up of Dexter Coakley reveals that he looks like a turtle ... Even more so than Mike Doss does.

1:15 -- Travis Minor runs over everyone and gets five yards on third-and-two. Dallas' defensive line sucks. I think Minor is listed as 5-2, 120 lbs.

Greg Gumbel says that Miami offensive coordinator Norv Turner is "emptying the bucket," because he just called a play-action pass.

CBS Skating Promo -- Brian Boitano looks exactly like Spurs guard Manu Ginobli.

15:00 second quarter -- It is third-and-two again and Turner calls for a trap to the outside with Ricky Williams. Did Travis Minor not just run over the Dallas D-line a minute ago on third-and-short? Turner needs to put this play back in his bucket.

The Cowboys gained an awesome 10 yards in the first quarter.

12:50 -- Carter floats one out to Joey Galloway and avoids another three-and-out.

12:04 -- Carter finds Terry Glenn for a nice gain. I guess that is what happens when Junior Seau drops back into coverage.

8:04 -- Fiedler throws a nice TD pass, but why in the world would Dallas bite on two back-to-back play-action passes, especially since Ricky Williams has not done anything yet?

3:10 -- Phil Simms is impressed by Carter for checking off and throwing to his second option. This is the worst case of gratuitous Quincy Carter complementing since the Sunday night game two weeks ago.

I still cannot believe that Joe Theisman said that Carter was "putting on an offensive clinic" against the Patriots even though the Cowboys had not scored a single point at that time in the fourth quarter. Carter's QB rating at that point was under 40, and he had already thrown two of his three INTs. Awful.

2:37 -- Fiedler is 9-for-10 for 128 yards and 1 TD. Maybe he is a good QB after all.

0:16 -- I come back into the room and see Fiedler miss a wide-open Chambers in the endzone. That is more like it. I wonder if in the two minutes that I was gone, I missed two Cowboys' possessions.

Halftime -- Somehow, both teams have combined for 37 points at the half.

14:00 third quarter -- The Dolphins finally get some pressure, and Carter does something stupid -- he fumbles.

10:40 -- Turner just called for a run on third-and-seven, even though Fiedler has been beating the Cowboys' secondary all day. Norv Turner could potentially replace Brian Billick as the worst offensive guru in the history of football. The Dolphins are playing well offensively for once today, but their fans should not get used to it.

What has Turner done well in his career? After he failed miserably as a head coach with the Redskins, the consensus feeling was that he would always have a job in the NFL as an offensive coordinator. Yet, during his seven-year tenure in Washington, only twice did his offense rank in the top-10 in points and only once in yards.

Of course, people point to his stint as coordinator for the Cowboys during their dynasty, but he does not deserve much credit for this. He had one of the best offensive lines in history and Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin, Emmitt Smith, and Jay Novacek. That certainly makes play-calling much easier. Even if he did have something to do with their success, one cannot give him the benefit of the doubt of being a genius after seeing what he has done in the past 10 years.

Besides getting virtually nothing done in Washington, he also did little for the Chargers and now the Dolphins. And I hate it when people bring up the lack of talent on the Chargers' and Dolphins' offenses. Stop making excuses for Turner, he is the one not getting the job done. Eventually, shouldn't a coach have to actually improve a team (or, in this case, his part of the team) or at least exceed expectations? For how long can getting by get you by?

There is hardly any talent in the league right now anyway, so why are his offenses so bad when they actually have some of that talent (Stephen Davis, LaDainian Tomlison, Curtis Conway, Ricky Williams)? If I were in the Dolphins' front office, I would be on the phone trying to get Chan Gailey to come back from Georgia Tech.

6:30 -- The Cowboys just had their fourth 3rd-and-out, although I probably missed a few. Great way to counter the Dolphins' score and get back into the game, guys. Way to help your defense out by giving them some rest, too.

6:22 -- Simms says that Leon Lett was one of the dominating defensive lineman in recent memory after a replay of his Thanksgiving Day blunder. No, he was not. Stop feeling sorry for him.

0:58 -- I am finished watching. This game is awful. Dolphins win 40-21.

Here is a bonus snippet.

Three Things I Am Thankful For

1. That neither Joe Buck nor Chris Collinsworth said the word "change-up" during the Packers-Lions game.

2. That Mack Brown will never have a head coaching job in the NFL.

3. That they still sell Eddie George jerseys at stores -- not that I want one, but I can always appreciate a good laugh.

Article courtesy of Sports Central.