Survival in Darkness

" How I have wept, during whole nights, over the women of old, so beautiful, so tender, so sweet, whose lips have opened to the kiss, and who are now dead. The kiss is immortal. It goes from lip to lip, from century to century, from age to age. Men take it and give it and die. The past attracts me; the present frightens me, because the future is death. I regret all that which is gone, I weep for those who have lived."
- From 'One Phase of Love', Guy De Maupassant

Depressing, gloomy and disheartening feelings spread in a life when we loss our loved one in a second. According to International T.H.E.O.S. Foundation 'Nearly more than 1.2 million people in the United States and Canada lose their spouses each year'. Life doesn't know the word 'Spouse', 'Friend' or 'Parents', what it knows is loss of loved ones.

A sudden loss of human that we loved a lot leaves great shock on our mind. Parents, Friends, Spouse, Children and Admired - one term loved one's death causes landslides in our nurtured life by loved one. Only one question is left to live life: For whom now?

Charlie Daniels wrote en route to the funeral for his friend, Roonni Van Zant of the band, Lynyrd Skynyrd.

A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last.

Passing a life with anxious, panicky and nervous days differing and disagreeing with feelings compounds and delays the grief reaction. You can deny grief of separation and avoid pain in hearts. However pain, agony, suffering and stress is yet standing in your days. Better is to accept and recognize it.

"Nothing can prepare you for the loss of a spouse. But as one woman found out, with some help you can learn how to work through the grief and start living again." Said Gloria Givens.

There are only two ways to drink separations. Either you live in darkness alone or you search for brightness with someone again and spread it to life. "Grieving persons are best helped by others who have had a similar experience and have successfully rebuilt their lives" was found at AARP's special Widowed Persons Service (WPS).

Life is a journey and never stops. Time takes you away on this path. It depends on you to behave while walking. Although you are in sunlight, you are surrounded with darkness from inside. You still find loved one who has just left doing all the activities in the home according to schedule. You speak some words thinking those will be listened with smile or shout. You feel that you are really kissed by your spouse where in reality you are yearning for it. Shower goes on flowing water and you wait to take a bath to forget all moments. You attend people to forget people. But it is not so easy because you are still in darkness. Stephen King wrote in 'The Green Mile' - "Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again."

Dealing with grief

Definitely these words will not reach to those who are facing it in reality. Still I wish if I can express it. I have not yet it experienced but my reading says it.

- If you want to cry and express grief, do it once completely.
- Keep in mind that hurting you will hurt the soul who has just left this world.
- Cheer up to cheer around you who are worried for you.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe says, " The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone. Take up an assignment to complete deeds left by your loved ones who has left incompletely. E.g. making your child successful in a life in the absence of your spouse and loving completely as father and mother
- Normalize your lifestyle as it was. Play, watch movies, crack jokes with friends, read books, relax with music, etc.
- Care for health. Death is a single. No one die with someone. Don't invite your death as it has taken away someone whom you loved.
- Reduce stress. Surround self with friends and family.
- Instead of being at home alone, try to be in open spaces where you can find friends, people and giggles & laughter
- Energize and enjoy life again