General: No Excuses 6

I had a good time at the USC-UCLA football game. Huge crowd, sunny skies, exciting football, blah, blah, blah.

Watching back-to-back kickoff returns for touchdowns was certainly the most the exhilarating three-minute experience since watching the Paris Hilton sex tape (err, not that I would know or anything).

Unfortunately, after the game, all the street vendors were sold out of bacon-wrapped, sweet-onion smothered grilled hot dogs. Oh well, I guess you can't win them all.

Anyway, I thought I'd take some time from my school work to share some of my profound thoughts with you on baseball's MVP controversies, the coolest name in sports and Paris Hilton.

* Was I the only person who thought the World Series had an extremely unsatisfying ending? The final out went something like this: Jorge Posada hits a slow roller to Josh Beckett, who stoops the ball and molests Posada halfway between first, thus clinching Florida's second championship. The Marlins celebrated mildly (at best) on the field, which was followed by a plethora of awkward interviews brought to you by (the masters of crappy television themselves) FOX. Simply forgettable. On the bright side, the Angels should sink back into mediocrity.

* While I'm on the topic of baseball I have a few words regarding the 2003 MVP awards. I'm glad to see Alex Rodriguez (.298 gatting average, 47 home runs, 118 RBIs) finally be a recipient of the award. He should have won in '96, the year when the entire league was on steroids (with secret underground laboratory THG experiment Brady Anderson leading the way). So, it has always been of interest to me to see that injustice be resolved. Fans may argue "Alex plays for the $@^#ty Rangers. He shouldn't be the %^@&ing MVP!" While those people have the Kirk Gibson in '88 argument with Jorge Posada (.281, 30, 101), it should be noted that teammate Jason Giambi received a first-place vote and Dererk is the captain of the team, not Posada. Many would argue Posada not even being the most valuable player on his team, let alone the American League. With eight players from the Blue Jays, Red Soxs and Yankees all in the top 13, there was clear-cut favorite. Thus the door was open for the "may the best man win" scenario, and frankly, I'm happy for Alex. It's not like he has much else going for his career besides individual awards.

* In the National League, Barry Bonds (.341, 45, 90) won an unprecedented sixth MVP award. However Sammy Sosa and A-Rod have contended Albert Pujols (.359, 43, 124) should have won. I find this puzzling. Bonds's defense: 1) best offensive player on the planet 2) above-average outfielder 3) led his team to the playoffs. Pujols's argument: 1) fantastic offensive player 2) average defensive player who lacks a playing position 3) no playoffs. It doesn't appear to be a difficult choice for NL MVP. Maybe I'm just crazy.

* If there was a Greatest Sports Name contest, Quentin Jammer could easily get away with pulling a Larry Bird. He can strut straight into the locker room and proclaim, "All right, who's playing for second place?" and I wouldn't have a problem with it. Although I suppose Moses Malone and future porn star Rocco Baldelli could put up good arguments.

* Once an NFL team is officially eliminated from making the playoffs, isn't it their best interest to tank the rest of the season? Since draft status is based on regular-season standings and not lottery balls doesn't it make sense to try to obtain the highest pick possible? With so much parody in the league every team must be concerned about their draft picks positioning, unless we're talking about the Minnesota Vikings.

Looking forward to Thanksgiving, but then again who isn't? It's the perfect excuse to gorge on delicious food and watch some football.