Sorry Dad, Robbie

As time counts away the days
I look back on life through a haze.
Remember hunting, roofing, church and friends,
In childlike gaze that never ends.
The laughter in a game of catch,
Shall memory ever attach...
To innocence in youthful eyes,
Catching the ball to Dad's surprise.

I recall my first bike, first wreck,
Who picked me up, said,
"Robbie buddy what the heck?"
Convinced me to give one more try,
While, knees skinned, I forgot to cry.
Just the joy knowing he was there,
Making dad proud was my only care.
There was nothing I couldn't do,
My heart held fast that to be true.

Though teenage years were rough,
I sure wasn't too big but I thought I was tough.
You taught me to defend what's right
And never back down from a fight.
So I learned the hard way to stand,
Still, with each lump, I missed having your hand.
Drawing from you an inner strength,
And stubborn pride of equal length.

I’ve questioned the line of fate that was drawn,
Was it God, Satan or me?
All I did was blink and you were gone.
I found myself alone facing the sun,
Not yet a man, not boy, fatherless and alone.
Eyes blinded and heart broken by a void inside,
I could not live because you had died.
At last finding it to be true,
I did not want to live without you.

Dad, I wish you could hear my call,
I'm sorry that I dropped the ball.
My life is wrecked, my knees are skinned,
I’ve given up, My life belongs to sin.
My emotions are shattered and I am undisciplined.
I can't get up although I try,
Please don't be upset if I cry or sometimes want to die.
Though I can't fight what I can't see,
Sorry Dad, I wish you could say you were proud of me.

Sorry Dad, Robbie