No More Clueless Sex: Ten Secrets to a Sex Life that Works for Both of You

By Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D. and Lewis Wyatt, M.D.
Published by John Wiley & Sons
June 2003; $22.95US/$38.95CAN; 0-471-19485-9

What's Standing Between You and Great Sex?

Has sex disappointed you recently? Do you and your partner repeat the same sex script over and over again? Do you fake orgasms? Do you or your partner need alcohol, videos, or other aids to make sex easier or more exciting? If you said yes to any of these questions, you may be surprised to discover that no matter how much experience you've had in bed, you're still clueless about sex.

Sex therapists Dr. Gail Wyatt and Dr. Lewis Wyatt challenge you to learn more and to think differently about sex by exploring the ten most common sexual patterns that sabotage love, including:

• The trouble with quickies -- they quickly become boring and often mask a   real physical problem   


• Why three out of four women who "fake it" should rethink this dead-end   sexual strategy   


• The big risk of using high-tech sex -- how the pros can quickly turn to   cons with overuse

Based on the authors' decades of clinical experience as well as their own thirty-eight-year marriage, No More Clueless Sex will help you learn how to keep self-destructive patterns from sabotaging your chances for a gratifying sexual relationship.

Featuring dozens of real-life stories from others who have turned their negative experiences into positive ones, No More Clueless Sex will show you how to evaluate a potential or current partner for sexual compatibility, values, maturity, and ability to care about someone other than himself or herself. You'll also learn how to tell where your relationship is going sexually, what to expect in bed if you stay together, and why good sex alone will not improve an otherwise bad relationship.

Whether you have a lot to learn -- or unlearn -- about sex, the Wyatts' customized program will help you achieve greater intimacy and better relationships, and most important, show you how to overcome the sexual obstacles that are standing between you and sexual happiness.

Author

Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D., is a sex therapist and Professor of Psychiatry and Behavioral Science at UCLA. She manages over ten million dollars in research grants worldwide from the National Institute of Mental Health. She is the author of over 100 professional publications and books, including Stolen Women: Reclaiming Our Sexuality, Taking Back Our Lives.

Lewis Wyatt Jr., M.D., is an obstetrician/gynecologist and sex therapist in private practice. He has been active in teaching residents at Martin Luther King and Cedars Sinai Medical Centers in Los Angeles, serving as a medical consultant on television and radio, and working along with his wife, Dr. Gail Wyatt, on grants to investigate STD prevention for women. The Wyatts have been married for more than thirty-eight years.

For more information, please visit writtenvoices.com.

Reviews

"Brings together the physical, mental, social, and spiritual aspects of sexual health as perhaps only the Wyatt team could . . . a tremendous contribution."

--David Satcher, M.D. Former Surgeon General, United States Public Health Service

"Compassionate . . . informed . . . the Wyatts tackle a whole array of sensitive and difficult issues that face young and old alike trying to develop healthy sexuality and healthy relationships."

--Helene D. Gayle, M.D., MPH Director, HIV, TB, and Reproductive Health, Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation

"The Wyatts' conversational style, clear explanations, and sensible directives make this an important book for therapists, physicians, and anyone who wants a healthy, satisfying sex life."

--Diane F. Halpern, Ph.D. President of the American Psychological Association (2004)

"This book reminds us that a fulfilling sex life does not begin in the bedroom but in our hearts and our minds. It belongs on the shelf of every house, apartment, and dorm room in this country."

--Dr. Angela Neal-Barnett, author of Soothe Your Nerves

'The Wyatts have provided all of us with an invaluable service with this priceless road map to satisfying intimate sexual relationships."

--Carl C. Bell, M.D., F.A.P.A., F.A.C.Psych. Professor of Psychiatry and Public Health, University of Illinois at Chicago

"A must-read for everyone."

--Dr. Randall Morgan, M.D. Former President, National Medical Association

"A must-read for counselors, therapists, and anyone interested in having more positive and powerful relationships and sex lives."

--Harvette Grey, Ph.D. Immediate Past President, Association of Black Psychologists

"A respectful and honest exploration of myths about sex and the everyday experiences of real people. Their examples indicate that clueless sex is not limited to people of a certain gender, age, sexual orientation, or race/ethnicity."

--Patricia Arredondo, Ed.D., NCC President, National Latina/o Psychological Association

Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from the book No More Clueless Sex: Ten Secrets to a Sex Life that Works for Both of You

by Gail Elizabeth Wyatt, Ph.D. and Lewis Wyatt, M.D.

Published by John Wiley & Sons; June 2003; $22.95US/$38.95CAN; 0-471-19485-9

Copyright © 2003 Gail and Lewis Wyatt
Rx for Healing Low Desire: Six Homework Assignments

If you have experienced problems in becoming sexually excited, you can actually do a lot to help yourself to sexual arousal with the following program of action steps. If they do not help, it's a sign that you may need sex therapy with a professional to make sex work for both of you.

Here are the six steps to sexual arousal that put Chanté on the path to a lasting and deeply transforming result. These may help you and your partner explore your full potential for interest and desire for sexual pleasure. Allow yourself several weeks to complete the steps. Practice not rushing.

Step One

Learn how to identify pleasant, sensuous, and sexy feelings, and identify situations that make you feel that way. You don't need to go out of your way to create these feelings. Just pay attention to what your brain and body are saying to you naturally during the day and night. You may be surprised to find that you respond a bit more often than you think to pleasant, sexy stimuli.

Step Two

Tell your partner he has to promise to avoid trying to have sexual intercourse with you until further notice. His big reward is coming later. Agree to kiss and hug but not to touch each other's genitals. For now, sexual excitement is your primary goal. You are learning to distinguish between excitement and intercourse.

Step Three

Each night, have conversations with your partner about what you are learning about sexual excitement and how you respond to it. You want your partner to feel a part of your new experience. Share it with him enthusiastically.

Step Four

Search for things that affect your senses pleasurably, Chanté was a visual person. Romantic movies and books and certain magazines made her feel good, sensuous, and sexy. Try different stimuli such as aromas and scents, flowers and candles, running water and hot tubs, pictures, sunbathing, different types of music, even incense.

Many people find that high-protein meals and exercise increase sexual desire. Eventually you'll know a lot more about what does and what doesn't turn you on. Treat yourself to new experiences. Experiment with the feel of soft fabrics against your skin, caressing different parts of your body, wearing sexy lingerie, looking at your body in a mirror, and buying clothes in colors that appeal to you.
Rent videos of general-distribution movies with erotic or romantic themes. Or experiment with quiet lush or exotic restaurants. Try cooking special dinners for two at home. The possibilities are limitless; if you run out of ideas, look for more in magazines.

Step Five

Invite your partner to join you in this process now. Based on what you've learned, teach him how to make you feel good, sensuous, and sexy. Chanté and Jean Claude had weekly dates at home. Chanté had arranged the furniture and lighting in a way that pleased her senses. In her favorite room, they would "make out," including kissing. We had also encouraged them to touch each other's genitals. Chanté loved to have Jean Claude touch her breasts and the lips of her vagina. Remember, no intercourse is recommended yet.

Step Six

In your homework now you can touch each other anywhere, including the genitals, and do whatever you think might stimulate you to get ready for sex.

Copyright © 2003 Gail and Lewis Wyatt

For more information, please visit writtenvoices.com