Believe it... or Not -- Cubs win playoff series and Schwarzenegger is a Governor

I think it was prophesized by Nostradamus that when Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected governor of California and the Chicago Cubs win a playoff series, you can take it to the bank that the Apocalypse has arrived.

A year ago, if I had called up Miss Cleo (before her little scrap with the Federal Trade Commission) and she said to me: "A year from now, Arnold Schwarzenegger will be elected governor of California and the Chicago Cubs will win a playoff series." I might have giggled a little bit, but heck, Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California, so why not "The Kindergarten Cop?"

But the part about the Chicago Cubs winning a playoff series? As soon as I picked myself up off the floor, my response would have gone something like this: "C'mon Miss Cleo... I know you were right about finding my sock behind the couch... but do you realize the Cubs haven't won a playoff series in 95 years? That's 1,140 months. That's 34,675 days, not counting leap years. That's 18 presidents. That's two world wars. That's 30-something bad Arnold Schwarzenneger flicks."

Glad I saved my money by not calling Miss Cleo. She might have been able to nail the Arnold thing, but no way she could've predicted the Cubs thing. Luckily for Cubs fans, Nostradamus was waaaaaaay off when he predicted that it would be 100 years between postseason wins. Hey, at least the Cubs made it to the World Series during the 20th Century. The Tampa Bay Devil Rays can't make that statement.

Speaking of postseason futility, the Boston Red Sox haven't been so hot the last 80 years or so either. I hope the Chicago Cubs and Boston Red Sox make it to the World Series for two reasons. First, it would be the warm, fuzzy, "feel-good" story of the year. And secondly, it would force the fans of one of those teams to stop whining and shut up about how pathetic their teams have been the last few decades.

As a neutral party out here in the Oregon Territory, I think I'm entitled to say that I've heard and read enough about "goat curses" and "The Curse of the Bambino." Year after year after year, we've had the postseason failures of the Cubs and Red Sox shoved down our throats every time they are eliminated from postseason contention. Please God...please let one of these teams win the World Series this year. I can't go another year having to hear about goats and Bambinos (what is a "Bambino" anyway?)

I'm not saying that these two teams don't deserve our sympathy, if not our pity. During a Cubs game in 1969, a black cat actually walked in front of the Cubs dugout. Now that's what I call horrendously bad luck. I live across the street from two black cats, and I've never crossed paths with either one of them.

And it's not like one of these two teams didn't bring the bad luck onto themselves. The Red Sox management actually sold Babe Ruth to the New York Yankees. I'm guessing these dolts must have been distant relatives of the ESPN management team that hired Rush Limbaugh.

At least the Cubbies only have a goat to blame their postseason failures on. Although, if I'm not mistaken, the Red Sox have a little history with goats too. Anybody remember the 1986 World Series? Bill Buckner, are you listening?

Oh by the way, speaking of the California recall election-do you think Groper-Elect Schwarzenegger cast his vote for adult film star Mary Carey?