The Dove Foundation Meets Quantum Theory

Just the other day I received a phone call from the Dove D-O-V-E Foundation. That’s the way the caller announced himself. "Hi. I’m calling from the Dove D-O-V-E foundation. May I speak with the lady of the house?" After confirming that he was not calling to sell something or steal my identity, I refused to identify myself as the lady of anything. He finally got to the point: Do I think television programming is a problem? Do I agree it is an even larger problem that parents can’t do anything about it? I agreed that television programming is embarrassingly pathetic, but I most certainly did not think that parents are powerless to do anything about it. After all, it’s their choice to have television in their homes and to subscribe to cable, or satellite, or whatever. For example, I don’t like TV, so I don’t have TV in my home. How simple is that? It’s a choice… And just as I paused for a quick breath, he thanked me and hung up.

I wish he wouldn’t have done that.

Of course, as an advocate of quantum theory, I know that all possible realities exist simultaneously, each in it’s own dimension.

This pleases me.

And not because I just made it up. It pleases me because it means that our conversation did indeed continue in an alternate reality. In fact, in an unseen parallel dimension, the Dove D-O-V-E Foundation is even interested in diverse opinions.

No doubt, there is even a dimension in which I called the Dove Foundation to share my diverse opinion, and, rather than them shut me down, I shut them up. It went something like this:

Tammy: Hey. Is this the Dove Foundation? As in lovey-dovey lovey-dovey all the tiiiiiiime……ooooh baby……gonna show you a good time…..

Dove:

Tammy: I see from the Dove Foundation website that you review movies and videos according to Judeo-Christian family values. What exactly are Judeo-Christian family values?

Dove:

Tammy: That’s what I thought. The interpretation of the Bible and its translation into family values is really quite relative, isn’t it? Wouldn’t you agree that it depends on who’s doing the interpreting and translating? I mean, I look at the Bible and see a whole lot of begetting interspersed with a few crucifixions, some betrayal, and a significant amount of murder and adultery. Since the Bible is a family book, doesn’t everything in it represent a Judeo-Christian family value?

Dove:

Tammy: Why the focus on Judeo-Christian families? Are Jews and Christians the most in need of your guidance, or the most gullible? Why does the Dove Foundation discriminate against Muslim, Sikh, Sufi, Shinto, Buddhist, Taoist, Confucian, Hindu, Krishna, Baha’i, Animistic, and Atheist families? Couldn’t they also benefit from the Dove Foundation telling them what to think?

Dove:

Tammy: Your mission statement says that the Dove Foundation hopes to "encourage and promote the creation, production and distribution of wholesome family entertainment." Again, what exactly constitutes "wholesome family entertainment," and who decides what it is? What exactly are the guidelines for review and approval?

Dove:

Tammy: You asked me about television programming. Does the Dove Foundation plan to start rating television programs, too?

Dove:

Tammy: Aren’t there some studies that suggest a link between children who watch TV and those who are diagnosed with ADD? Television viewing and obesity? And violence? Television viewing and the reinforcement of gender and racial stereotypes? If you really cared about families, wouldn’t it make sense to encourage families to not watch TV, regardless of whether it’s television programming or videos? Shouldn’t children be playing, or reading, or something, rather than staring zombie-like at the stupid box?

Dove:

Tammy: Dove, it seems you don’t really care that much about families. Disappointing. And fascinating. What is it you’re really doing, if not protecting the family?

Dove:

Tammy: Surely you must realize that your censorship of films, videos, and soon television, is not really going to change anything. When Tipper Gore and her cronies forced music CDs to be labeled, music went underground on the internet. Kids can now get any song they want for free and without parental interference. Thanks, Tipper! When Bill Maher became too politically incorrect for network television, he moved to HBO where he is more politically incorrect than ever - and commercial free! Even the notorious Howard Stern cannot be stopped by the FCC and has been picked up by satellite radio, an increasingly popular alternative to the FCC-monitored traditional radio station.

Dove:

Tammy: People will always pursue freedom of speech and creative expression. Institutions like you just help it happen better, faster, and without commercials. Thanks, Dove, and buh-bye.