If you think advertising has gone mad, you ain't seen nothing yet

Sunday mornings should be a relaxing time, when you can enjoy having your breakfast and reading the Sunday papers but our capitalist system and commercialism have other ideas.

I’m not opposed to companies wanting to sell us stuff, after all it’s what makes our economy tick but all I want to do when I get a fresh newspapers is open it and read it, but can I?

The most annoying commercial activities ever dreamt up were the supplement, the mail shot and the bloody insert. It takes two hands to carry the Sunday papers from the shop to my house. I have to limp along like I’m dragging a rolled up carpet and when I get home and filter out all the crap I don’t want to read there’s just a few pages of news left. Who dreamt up this scam? And what was the reason? Why can’t the people who insert B5 sized leaflets sell their products in the usual manor? Is it because their products are so crap that they have to hide them inside a popular newspaper or magazine to suddenly ambush the reader. "Ah ah, here are the new pet wellies for only £2.99, winter is approaching and you can’t let you dog or cat go out without their wellies’. Order 2 pairs and get a free doggie brolly free" Most of the stuff in those ads are just crap inventions too shit to get on tomorrows world? They never insert them in the first page. They are always lurking inside the paper for when your really into an article. When you turn over the page, BAM! the bloody thing leaps at you in full colour screaming its crappy product.

Believe me it isn’t going to stop there. The idea will soon catch on with other entertainment providers out to maximize profits. You’ll be sat watching an episode of Friends and instead of the usual scheduled adverts, all the stuff too crap to have a full blown advertising budget will hit you when you least expect it. In a tender moment when Ross and Rachel are about to make up their relationship and Ross leans over to Rachel, WOLLOP! there’s a 3 second onscreen poster advertising Hemorrhoid cream, no sound just the same style badly designed poster you get in your Sunday paper.

Right in the middle of Kate Aidie's report from war torn Iraq another ad will burst on screen showing a silver haired pensioner in a walk in bath with a forced smile on their faces that says ‘I’d much rather have a proper shower this thing is so undignified’. The worst one of all will be a night out at the Theatre and right in the opening of Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the opera two actors totally unconnected with the plot will leap on stage and demonstrate a new revolutionary dust pan and brush and then leap off again whilst the rest of the cast carry on like nothing happened.

Just like the supplements we get now, we’ll toss it aside because we are so used to it. We are so used to going to the letter box and picking up the mailshot crap and transferring it straight to the bin. The same thing will happen once we’ve got used to having our entertainment interrupted. At the pictures we’ll be watching the latest Star Wars movie and when the Jedi Knights have at a crucial point in the battle against Darth Vader a poster designed on a PC with Microsoft paint brush will appear for a few seconds advertising Miracle stain remover. We won’t even bat an eyelid, just reach for another mouthful of popcorn and wait for the movie to continue.

If you think advertising has gone made, you ain't seen nothing yet.