Spykiller

Warning. Discretionary Content. This article may contain material that is either inappropriate or offensive to some audiences.

I paid him his money for his day watching the house. That was all I hired him for. But oh no, he couldn’t leave it at that could he. Was it greed born of the fact he knew too much now, and had to know more through obsession his own profession?

He turned up at 6 this morning in my face. Just invited himself in as I was halfway through curling a log. "Developments! More news!" his urgency came at me with lightspeed as he burst through the toilet door led by his nose. Hearing him the log left me in a flash, and then made its enviable escape as I flushed it seaward. "Fuck off," I told him bluntly: "Just leave me bloody well be." If it had been simply a question of money I owed him, then he’d have had to wipe my arse with his hand first. Though he assured me I did not, as he shook his head and laughed, as if I was the best joke out, and then to my dismay he continued to carrot dangle me with things concerning that fucking gold digging bitch, my ex-wife. "Developments. Defuckingvelopments." He knew how to wind me up. And I did say knew.

So fair guy that I am, I asked him if he’d ever woke up with a crowd staring down at the carrot sticking out his arse. He said he didn’t fancy the idea, and by 6.20 he was gone, as I followed behind him with my baseball bat. Of course I was stupid enough to believe that that was the end of it, until this evening...

This time he definitely went too far, showing me that his methods know no boundaries. For all the help he was, he may as well have picked up my old school cricket bat from beside my bed to swat a fly from my forehead as I slept.

I was with Tina my new girlfriend. Up until yesterday evening, she knew nothing about that fucking bitch, my ex.. There we were at it like jack rabbits on the kitchen table, Italian food everywhere but on the plates. I was on the vinegar stroke at last when he came crawled through the open window knocking pots and pans everywhere with his cry of ‘Developments.’ Tina screamed and my manhood slipped into reverse instead of overdrive. She didn’t wait around for introductions as he ignored her, and went on to sketch out the evening movements of my ex. Still driving the car that was once mine. Tina glared at me and I think "You can fuck off, Dave," meant goodbye before she took the door with her. So Let me tell you this ladies and gentlemen until an hour ago I’d never known what it was like to kill another human being in cold blood. But what with a skin full of red wine and the smell of all that Italian food lying around I was compelled to remember something of an essence from a gangster film. Yes I can tell you now as I drive toward the forest to dig a hole, the essence of what that hoodlum said was right. For I am no longer a virgin to committing murder. In fact I have within the short space of two hours killed two of the most hated people in my life. The kitchen knife was a simple but effective tool for my first job when I plunged it deep into his heart cavity. My temper swift, hot, and decisive, like the Italian, as I put to work the weapon which he’d so helpfully passed to me from one seat covered in meat sauce. "Developments" I was sure I’d heard him gasp his dying word through bubbles of claret. The ex was easier. I’d heard just enough ‘Developments.’ to join the dots of female habit. Fact being I’d already done a 15 year stretch with the cold hard bitch to know how she ticked. So I smashed the back of her skull in with six of the best using that old school cricket bat. Simple yet effective. Taken by surprise as she reached inside the glove compartment of my BMW for her trusty black latex cock.. I was pleased she still took it everywhere with her, even more so to find her evening journey to the car was still an unbroken habit. I was amused to see the seven inch dildo still clutched within her fist. No longer will she torment the office clerks with her cockteasing ass wiggle. Nor will she spend another 15 years spying on some poor bastards bank accounts waiting until it ripens so she can cut it loose. So they you have it two spies down in two hours. Who knows when or where or who I will strike next? But I will tell you this I know you’ve been reading this, like the spies you all are.