101 Uses For a Sainthood

One of my favorite things about running my gift business (which allow you or someone nominated by you to become a saint of the Church of reformed Unimentalists) is that I get to see all the different ways that people tailor the personalized package to their needs, creating something entirely unexpected and new. Some of these ideas, together with some brainstormed ideas are listed here.

Reasons to buy a Sainthood
It is a highly personalized gift that can be tailored to the personality of the person you want to make a Saint.

Value: The saint pack includes an Audio CD recording of the canonization ceremony, a "I am a Saint Key-ring", the Certificate of Canonization, Some further information on the patron subject / Official Saint’s Day etc, A newsletter from the Church of Reformed Unimentalists (the organization that gives out the Sainthoods) and Free Postage and Packaging.

Have you ever needed to show someone exactly how and why they are special to you? A Sainthood is ideal for this.

Imagine the feeling that your nominee will get when they discover that they have been made a Saint, an example to us all, and spiritually in charge of an important patron subject.

Join the ranks of many satisfied customers.

Special Events
These are times when you really need to get a special present.
Your son/daughter passing their GCSEs; AS levels; Degree; PHD; Driving test; Music Grade.
A gift for a new mother; wedding anniversary; Birthday present; a retirement gift or a gift for a work colleague who is leaving; a gift for a close friend who is moving away; Mother’s Day gift; Father’s Day present; A gift for the ‘Secret Santa’ Christmas Office party; New Year’s Day; Halloween (All Saint’s Day’s Eve); House-warming present; Baby shower gift (for the mother or the baby-to-be)

Rewards
For a local hero, for the sales team for reaching this year’s target, a thank you to someone who arranged a great holiday; Party; Class reunion; Village fair;
A reward gift after a long period of continued hard work; a present to say a thank you for a great time. A acknowledgment that a tough time has now finished and that you can move on; Offer as a prize in a raffle; A Wrap Party gift; A Television or Radio game-show Prize; a magazine/internet competition prize

A Big Thank You
For saying ‘Yes’; for neighbors who looked after your pets and plants when you went abroad; thanks for the lovely meals you have cooked; Great Sex; a friend who has always been there for you; a Sainthood for someone who has bought you a sainthood; a donor

Business
A joint team Sainthood that will bond the team together even further; Get publicity for your Business by telling your local Newspaper "Rob Smith, managing director of Rob’s Rolls has been made a Saint"; make your actual business a Saint, e.g. "Saint SuperWindowDoublePlus, the patron saint of quality double glazing"

Professions
Sometimes a person acts above and beyond what is needed of them to just do the job and for this reason they should be deeply thanked, such professions include: Your Barrister; Doctor/Surgeon; Nurse; Fireman; Police Officer; Your Builder; Baby-sitter; Your Accountant; A good teacher; Your Postman.

Feeling Adventurous?
You and your partner could get a joint Sainthood, a romantic gift that binds the two of you together; Offer Saint Parties where you can meet up with some of the other people who have become Saints; Connect yourself to your patron subject, for example the Patron Saint of Lucid Dreams found that he actually had many more lucid dreams (which are dreams that you have some control over) after he became their Patron; A new area of scientific research – study whether subjects who are given sainthoods become more peaceful / happier / healthier; A gift to inspire someone to do something amazing

How to use your Sainthood
When you have become a Saint see if you can: Ask the shop assistant if they can offer you a ‘Saint Discount’; use it as part of a chat-up line "Hi there, By the way, I’m the Patron Saint of Silver"; learn new things about your patron subject; get better service at hotels by giving you name as "Saint Jane"; ask your boss if you can get the day off work on your designated Saint’s day; get the chance to appear on the Testimonials page of our website and tell your inspirational story to thousands of would-be saints

Perfect People
Give a Sainthood to someone who supports Southampton Football Club (a.k.a. The Saints); Give to a fan of the Roger Moore television series (or Val Kilmer film) "The Saint"; DJs or MCs can add the ‘Saint’ to their stage name, e.g. Saint Big Frank ; a gift for someone who has just got a new job; If you want to buy Sainthoods for a lot of people you can get a bulk discount (email us for more details)

Uses of the Component Parts
The audio CD recording of your Canonization Ceremony – DJs can take samples from the CD and could perhaps make a dance music classic; Play it as background sound to your morning exercises; use as a make-up mirror; attach it to the ceiling with a length of string to make a 2D disco glitterball; trace around the outside to create perfect 12 cm circles; trace around the inside to make 1.5 cm circles; the reverse of the CD looks like rainbows – pretty!

The "I’m A Saint" Key-ring – holds your keys, use as a quick form of ID to show that you are indeed a Saint; convert it into a unique, if fairly bulky, earring.

Certificate of Canonization – Use the reverse of the certificate to jot down this week’s winning Lotto numbers (NB: odds of getting winning numbers are 1 in 14 million); Use the reverse of the certificate to jot down an Einstein-beating theory (NB: Einstein-beating theory to be provided by yourself)

In an emergency you can use the Saint Pack as a survival kit – use the CD as a signal mirror and use the certificates as kindling, it really could save your life(!).

What about me?
Get a Sainthood for yourself as a status symbol; Show off at your Class reunion / Friends Reunited listing "well, yes, I am a Saint now, actually"; Your friend is a Saint, so why not me; you are obviously a smart and open-minded person if you have read this far! Of course you deserve to be made a Saint.

Abstract Ideas
Get your pet canonized; Visit St. Ives or St. Lucia and feel like a Local; Buying or receiving a Sainthood will increase your score on the "How Saintly Are You?" Quiz on our website; Buy a Sainthood for your arch enemy – maybe it will bring them round to your side; Make your poor old reliable Car a saint for getting you to work on time every day (just!); Make your house a Saint, a sanctuary to dwell in; Make your computer a saint – to say sorry for the thousands of times you have sworn at it when it crashed; Listen to band such as ‘St. Etienne’ and ‘St. Germain’ with a warm feeling of smugness; Watch films like ‘St. Elmo’s Fire’, ‘Saints & Sinners’ and ‘Saint-Ex’ with a warm feeling of smugness.

Well there you go, 101 uses for a Sainthood, I hope you have enjoyed at least some of them. If you can think of some more of your own please email them to me, maybe we can make this 1001 uses for a sainthood!

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