Monday Night Football

by Duke Livingston ProFootballFanatics.com columnist

Glad this gem was on Monday night, aren't you?

This was without a doubt the absolute worst NFL game I've ever seen. Ever -- as in the history of all professional football anywhere in the world -- Ever. Get it? The "Loser Bowl 2001" to say the least.

Two former divisional powerhouses? Parity and the salary cap have reduced what was once the rivalry of the ages (pitting friends, family and neighbors against each other, forced to pick sides between "America's Team" and the mighty "Washington Redskins") to a pathetic display of ineptitude unequaled anywhere in the western hemisphere.

The new and improved version of the "Jerry Jones Doll" on Monday Night Football, with adjustable face tightener, prowls the sidelines inspecting his troops.

Dave Campo, grunting and chewing on his pencil eraser, still looks lost on an NFL sideline and is probably more suited for the lawn and garden department at K-Mart.

Daniel Snyder still hides his face in shame when the camera pans his way. Defiantly he shouts -- "You're invading my privacy." "I'm the owner." "I own the Washington Redskins." "Stay out of my luxury box."

Marty Schottenheimer is still screaming and pulling his hair out.

But, through it all, Al Michaels, Dennis Miller and Dan Fouts "yuck-it-up" with a plethora of their pre-scripted football dribble.

The Cowboys problem is tired, true and tested: Jerry Jones. The puppet master behind the madness that is Dave Campo. Who ever thinks Campo makes any decisions when it comes to "America's Team" is out of their minds. If you're looking for a good lawn fertilizer, then maybe Campo's your man. If you're looking for the man who calls the shots for "America's Team," then look no further than the infamous Jerry "How do you like my new face?" Jones.

The Redskins problems are worse. Their owner has absolutely no clue at all, they have a head coach who wants everybody to know that he's Marty "By God, I'm the damn coach of this team" Schottenheimer, and a team that seems to be thoroughly disgusted with this whole ugly comedy of errors. At least Stephen Davis is finally starting to get noticed, rushing 23 times for 99-yards (4.3-ypc) during the game, but what about Michael Westbrook? "Can" the Rod Gardner crap and use a real "go-to" guy and crank out Davis for 25 to 35 carries a game and you might get somewhere. However, I don't see it happening.

Left over is Tony "The Drip" Banks. Is this guy a self-absorbed jerk or what? Did you see this guy during the pre-game interview? He's lucky he's even in an NFL uniform this season, let alone as a "by-default" starter. I wonder how it feels to be cut by the Cowboys, only to be picked up by the Redskins, and then in an historic (the only 0-4 teams to ever meet on MNF) match-up, you get beat by the team that cut you. It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. I know, "He wasn't in the right system" at those other teams, even though the Rams and Ravens both dumped this idiot and won Super Bowls. Hopefully, the NFL will purge itself of this cretin before the end of the season.

The best thing about this game was the Richard Simmons cheerleading spots and the "Days Gone Past" game highlights, from when this rivalry really mattered! Oh yes, nice touch with the half-time celebration and the Landry statue. The man you fired and the man who built the dynasty that was the Dallas Cowboys, reduced to a cheap hunk of ugly bronze to be placed in front of Texas Stadium for all the pigeons to admire. I'm sure the Landry statuettes, complete with trademark fedora, were available for purchase before the Cowboys faithful filed out of the stadium at the end of the third quarter.

For the series, the Cowboys own the Redskins. This was their eighth straight win over the Redskins and the last time the Redskins beat the Cowboys was on Oct. 13, 1997. The last time the Redskins won at Texas Stadium was on Dec. 3, 1995.

How 'bout them Cowboys?

Article courtesy of ProFootballFanatics.com.