Are you ready for some football?

Anyone can sit through the Ravens-Broncos or Rams-Titans games, but only the true football fan can sit through Monday Night's game between the Dallas Cowboys and Washington Redskins.

It is the first time ever this late in the season two winless teams will meet on Monday night. The geniuses at ABC who thought this game had potential should be beaten -- severely.

Anyway, it is pointless to complain now. The game is set and both teams enter with zero wins and four losses, and besides that, both teams are really bad and should be that way for some time.

These are two teams with great histories and legacies that are both being destroyed by two evil, ultra-rich geniuses.

Dallas has won seven in a row overall against the Redskins since a 21-16 loss on October 13, 1997.

Here is everything you need to know about the game:

Venue

Texas Stadium

An older stadium, recognizable by the large hole in the roof, put there as if the builders couldn't decide if they wanted it to be a dome or not a dome. Also known for providing no discernible home field advantage for its home team. Fans are extremely quiet and need a NFC Championship game to get close to being described as "noisy."

Teams

Cowboys (0-4)

Also known as "America's Team." Famous for winning Super Bowls. More famous for various forms of criminal behavior that began in secret in the 70's and was enjoyed by the public in the 90's. Most famous offenders are Hollywood Henderson and Michael Irvin.

Did you know? Cowboys' players in the 90's had a house called the White House where they did drugs and whored around after practice. Clever.

Redskins (0-4)

Famous for snazzy names of their positions like the Hogs (linemen) and the Fun Bunch (receivers). More famous for winning Super Bowls with guys who make Trent Dilfer look like a Hall of Famer -- Mark Rypien, Doug Williams.

Did you know? A group of men dress up in drag pig outfits, call themselves the Hogettes and cheer on the Redskins. Interesting.

Owners

Jerry Jones, Cowboys: He made his loot in the oil industry and decided to take the helm of America's team late in the 80's. Infuriated fans when he canned legendary coach Tom Landry. Won the fans over by winning three Super Bowls in the 90's, but then became so full of himself that he thought he was the reason he won three Super Bowls, fired his ego-maniacal equal, Coach Jimmy Johnson, and took control of personnel matters. "Jerrah" is currently in the process of breaking some kind of record for being the worst GM in the history of the game.

Key Fact: He is the only man in the United States who thought Quincy Carter was starting QB material.

Bonus Points: Cut QB Tony Banks before season began.

Danny Snyder, Redskins: "Boy Wonder" who made a ton of jack building a marketing empire. Bought the Skins for an exorbitant amount then went out and tried to run them like his Snyder Communications by acquiring expensive pieces in order to build up the organization (i.e. Deion Sanders, Bruce Smith, Jeff George, etc.). Fired Norv Turner when his team was still in playoff contention in the 2000 season, then promoted a man with no experience as head coach. Of course, the team did not make the playoffs.

Nothing Lasts Forever: This Marty Schottenheimer-Dan Snyder relationship is just waiting to implode. Should be fun to watch.

Key Fact: He is not tall enough to get on most amusement park rides.

Penalty Points: Signed QB Tony Banks within 48 hours of being cut.

Coaches

Marty Schottenheimer, Redskins: Known for militaristic coaching style, which is referred to in the media as disciplined and by players as insane. Also known for his ability to produce 12 win seasons, yet lose at home in the first round of the playoffs. Has had successful stints with both the Browns and the Chiefs, and he really, really hates John Elway. Believes that nepotism is healthy within any organization. His brother and son coach on his staff. Also, his wife is head cheerleader, his mom is GM and his grandma makes cookies for the players in which she charges 50 cents a piece after practice. His other son does detailing on the players' cars in the parking lot.

Dave Campo, Cowboys: Not really sure how he became head coach, and I'm not either. He has a variety of unpleasant nicknames, my favorite being Mr. Magoo. Always looks confused and you know what they say, "If it looks like a duck -- well." Actually, is a figure to be pitied. He, in essence, is wearing the headset for "Jerrah," but we all know who calls the shots. Is keeping the seat warm, so to speak, until "Jerrah" either a) coaches the team himself or b) can convince the recently canned Marty Schottenheimer to coach the Cowboys back to prominence.

Key Players

Redskins

Tony Banks: Famous for fumbling the ball and an apathetic attitude. He holds the record for most fumbles in a season by a quarterback. In 61 NFL starts he has a 25-36 record. The Cowboys brought him in and they cut him two weeks into camp, and cut him because of his attitude. He occasionally can make a play, but usually screws something up. Last week, he pretty much gave the game to the Giants with his fourth quarter blunders. He deserves a double lashing for throwing two interceptions to Jason Sehorn, therefore, further continuing the perception that Sehorn is actually a good cornerback. In two starts with the Skins he is 31 of 72 for 320 yards with one TD pass and three INT's.

Interesting Fact: Two of his former teams, Rams and Ravens, won Super Bowls after they either cut him or benched him.

Michael Westbrook: A a classic "ready to have a break-out season" guy. Although he has never broken out in his seven seasons. Has 14 receptions for 102 yards and no TD's this year. Most famous for sucker punching Stephen Davis during practice a few years ago.

Interesting Fact: One half of the jinxed Colorado tandem (the other being Kordell Stewart) who defeated Michigan on the last play of the game a few years back. Call it The Curse of the Wolverine.

Darrell Green: In his 19th and final season as a Skin and possibly the only player on the team with heart. Famous for being the long time NFL's fastest man. However, he doesn't start and has been pretty much treated like crap by the organization. Last year, they brought in Deion Sanders to start over him and this year they are starting rookie Fred Smoot over him. Get this, he never complains about it. Hey Marty, it's his last year and you suck, let the guy play!

Cowboys

Anthony Wright: Will make his third start of the season at quarterback for Dallas. Wright has completed just 47.1 percent (33-of-70) of his passes this season for 352 yards with five interceptions and four touchdowns. He actually has shown glimpses of having some talent, but that hasn't resulted in much for the Cowboys. His career QB rating is a paltry 49.1. Emmitt Smith Maybe the only worthy football player on the field for the Boys. He's in his 12th NFL season and close to breaking Walter Payton's all-time rushing record. He has 15,374 yards rushing and 156 TD's. His bad team will probably stop him from reaching that pinnacle this season.

Key Question: How much do you think he hates Jerry Jones?

Joey Galloway: Another one of Jones' brilliant personnel moves. A trade with the Seattle Seahawks brought the wide receiver to Dallas last season. Galloway was supposed to team with Raghib Ismail and prolong Troy Aikman's career. Instead, both Aikman and Galloway got hurt on opening day 2000. Galloway sat out for eight weeks in 1999 because he was unhappy with his contract. His team did worse when he returned. Apparently, Jerry was the only guy who thought he was worthy of trading first round draft picks and a hefty contract. He has 10 receptions in four games this season.

Key Injuries

Quincy Carter: This rookie is Jerry Jones' answer to the whole "how do I replace Troy Aikman issue?" He began the season as the starter and suffered a thumb injury that forced him to miss two games. He returned last week, but suffered a torn left hamstring late in the first quarter and will miss the next four to six weeks. Not sure if his injury is a good thing or a bad thing for the Cowboys. Many people think he would have had a hard time winning the starting job at Georgia if he had stayed in college.

Bandwagon versus Fair-weather

The Cowboys are the original inventors of the bandwagon. Most of their fans from the 90's have already dispersed themselves among the Rams, Ravens and Titans fans. The remaining 25,950 will have a serious bone to pick when the Boys eventually win again. "I was with them when they were 1-15," is what they'll say to the huge "lifelong" fan from Los Angeles.

The Redskins have really pioneered the fair-weather fan. This fan only attends when the team is winning. Slightly different than the bandwagon in that the bandwagon jumps from team to team. The fair-weather fan will root for only one team, but only when said team is successful. Fair-weather Redskin fans has been spotted occasionally in Baltimore when the Orioles happen to be winning.

Side-Note: The most annoying fan is the die-hard who actually will sit and watch his 1-15 team play against a 3-12 team in 20 below weather. Also known as Packer fan.

What will happen

A tight battle decided in the fourth quarter. With the game tied 10-10, Tony Banks will be driving the Redskins to the game winning score with under a minute to play. From the Dallas 25, Michael Westbrook will run a reverse, even though that is not the called play, and collide with Banks causing him to fumble. The Cowboys' Dat Nguyen will scoop up the ball and run into the end-zone as time expires. Following the game, Banks will offer this pearl of wisdom, "It happens." Westbrook refuses to comment, and Schottenheimer pledges to stick to his coaching plan.

Final Score: Dallas 20 Washington 14