The Main Event -- Yankees and Red Sox in a cage match

Last week, in my column entitled Yankees/Twins: A lesson in baseball economics , I made some comparisons between Major League Baseball and professional wrestling.

After Saturday's base-brawl game between the Yanks and Bo-Sox, I am thinking of starting my own psychic hotline.

Instead of playing out the rest of the series, these two teams should just lock themselves in a steel cage, and whoever is left standing moves on to the World Series.

Think of the possibilities...

Yankees' Jeff Nelson and Karim Garcia vs. The Red Sox Ground Crew

With a name like the "Ground Crew," the advantage in this one goes to Boston. Nelson and Garcia would fight valiantly, but in the end, they would be done in by a shovel and rake that the Ground Crew had slipped under the ring before the match. Red Sox lead the series, 1-0.

Boston's Manny Ramirez vs. New York's Roger Clemens

This one shapes up as one for the ages between two great actors. Ramirez almost convinced a national audience that a pitch, which was actually over the plate, almost hit his head, while Clemens attempted to convince everyone that he thought a broken bat was a ball. That's why he threw the bat at Mike Piazza a few years ago. He also must have thought he was playing dodge-ball, because last time I checked, hitting the runner with the ball does not bring an out in baseball.

After a thrilling match, Clemens pins Ramirez by throwing a punch that misses by five feet. Ramirez feels that was way too close and falls to the mat in shock. Series tied 1-1.

Now for the main event...

New York's Don Zimmer vs. Boston's Pedro Martinez

This one is a true classic, as Zimmer plays the role of loveable lunatic and Martinez serves as the "hit and run" villain. Everyone knows there is no acting in this match. Zimmer has to be a little removed from a logical thought process to actually go after a young professional athlete like Martinez.

Martinez has taken the role of bad guy for throwing Zimmer to the ground, but this was actually his best move of the day. He could have done a lot worse. Martinez's actions on the mound are what really make him the true wrestling villain.

First, Martinez has no problems throwing at people as long as he is not batting. I'll bet if he was coming up to face Clemens in the next inning, his approach to pitching to Garcia would have been much different given the fact that Martinez makes at least a stop or two to the disabled list every year.

Second, Martinez has displayed a selfishness that only true wrestling villains can appreciate. Why was he throwing at Garcia anyway in a close game with no one out in the inning? Intimidation? Maybe, but intimidation only works if you can follow it up with success. Drilling someone and watching every other batter hit rockets all over the ballpark is not really a from of intimidation. It's stupidity. When you are struggling as a pitcher, you don't put more people on base. You try to keep people off base.

Anyway, back to the match. Zimmer vs. Martinez ends in a draw. Martinez has Zimmer ready to be pinned, but gets distracted by the crowd each time and starts shouting at the crowd instead of focusing on his opponent. Zimmer manages to last until the bell rings, which signals that time has expired. Series still tied 1-1.

After all this it's still tied. Nobody wins! Get it Yanks and Red Sox? When you act like thugs, nobody wins!