General: Sterno's Talkin' Smack -- Episode #58

Sterno's Talkin' Smack. No holding back here. It's all trash, all the time.

Welcome to a wild Wednesday program. On today's show we will discuss Danny Heatley's tryout for "Fast and the Furious" Part III, the crazy story involving a father and son going to a college football game, and the lowly Chicago Bears.

Smack This: Danny Heatley -- This story really makes me sad and I'll tell you why. Hockey is a sport that I think is so unnecessarily underrated by the United States. To me, there is no sport that is more exciting come playoff time. There is no sport with so much action going on, and that includes football. The problem with this sport, at least partially, is its marketing.

Danny Heatley is a bright and very talented newcomer to the NHL world. He has burst onto the scene to make heads spin with his accuracy, and eyes open with his leadership ability. He owned what was a star studded All-Star game last year.

So, all is good, right? Wrong! Of course, in true form, Danny has to bring negative press to himself and to the game. No, he wasn't playing "Airport Smuggler," like Damon Stoudamire, and he was shooting up like Jose Canseco. No, he was charged Tuesday with reckless driving for driving off a road and slamming his sportscar into a wall while going 80 mph. It left him with a broken jaw and his teammate Dan Snyder critically injured with a skull fracture.

How many times do talented guys with zillion dollar careers have to lose it all to stupidity in a car or a motorcycle, before somebody takes a hint? I mean, are you kidding me? We are just two weeks before the season and the only thing on these guys mind should be focusing on how to get their Atlanta Thrashers (especially Heatley because he is the captain) even remotely close to a playoff spot.

Aside from the reckless driving, Heatley was also charged with serious injury by vehicle for driving at the speed he was. Now, I smell drunk driving but obviously nobody can be sure until we see the test results which should be out sometime this morning.

The two guys had attended an event for season ticket holders, and left in Heatley's Ferrari at about 9pm. Two hours later they were on their way out of the car, as they were ejected from it, when Heatley drove into a wall so hard that the car broke in half. Yes, it broke completely in half. As for the players, Heatley broke his jaw and should be okay, while Snyder is still in critical condition as of this report, following a skull operation.

"Nobody's really thinking about hockey," team captain Shawn McEachern said. "We're thinking about the guys."

Yeah, they are for now. Hopefully all will be well so that they can start thinking about how stupid it is that their teammates were out joyriding and putting their lives in danger! Wasn't seeing what happened to Ron Gant enough? Wasn't seeing what happened to Jay Williams enough? Give me a break already. I hope these guys are both okay, but how dumb can you be?

Danny Heatley -- Smacked!!!

Smack This: Crimson Pride??? -- Have you ever heard a story that you know because of its content that you aren't supposed to laugh at, yet still you find yourself cracking up anyway? Well, this is one of those stories. I am not sure if you caught the Arkansas-Alabama game from this past weekend, but it was a great game, with Arkansas winning in double overtime. Alabama looked on several occasions to have wrapped up the upset, but it slipped right through their hands. I am sure that many, and I mean many, of those fans in that stadium in Alabama, were upset. However, not all of them were violently upset!

Get a load of this story. Apparently, during the stadium wide tantrum that went on after the game, a 46 year old man named Joe Logan, who must have been really pissed off, pulled the trigger on his own sun, a twenty year old, when his son asked him about getting a new car. Ha-ha, are you kidding me? That is so funny.

Basically, here is what happened. Joe Logan had been wasted from drinking and started slamming doors, throwing things around and tossing dishes in the sink after the Crimson Tide lost its football game to Arkansas, 34-31.

When his son asked him for a car during the festivities, the Logan father just lost it! He got a 9 mm pistol from his car, took his son by the neck and put a gun to the kid's head. After threatening to shoot and kill his son, this wacko actually pulls the trigger. Somehow his sun gets away from the bullet which flies right by his head.

When the kid ran away and called the police, a SWAT team showed up at the loony bin, to find Mr. Logan with the gun in hand and his thirteen year old son in the room. Oh boy! Before the authorities had to take him forcefully, Joseph Logan turned himself in on his own merit. That's the only merit he's got right now. They should lock this guy up and throw away the key. I mean, are you serious? Shooting your son in the head over the game? What did he bet on it, his house? Even then it would be crazy!

I hate to give the whole "what a bunch of hicks," thing, but what a bunch of hicks! That is the wackiest story I think I have covered all year!

Crimson Stupidity! -- Smacked!!!

One for the Road: The Twins win game one in Yankee Stadium with Johan Santana on the mound? Are you kidding me? I cannot wait for game two!

Hit me up with feedback at eSports (click the Write the Editor link) or on my homepage at http://www.suite101.com/myhome.cfm/theycallmethecloser. Come on and click that link already! You can't possibly agree with everything I say!

See ya' all next time folks! Until then, don't be the one who's smacked!