What to Say About ... The Oscar Nominations

The Oscars may be touted as the world's most important arts award, you say, glancing up from Christopher Goodwin's words in the Daily Express, but, "in fact, they are the culmination of a long war, mainly fought out of sight of the general public by armies of publicists and marketing consultants launching nasty whispering rumours to try to derail their opponents' chances."

And this year will be no exception, you say, confident that none of your entourage reads the Sydney Sunday Telegraph. It "pits the obsessive-compulsive pilot against the female boxer" in a showdown between The Aviator, directed by Martin Scorsese, and Clint Eastwood's Million Dollar Baby. The Aviator has soared in front with 11 nominations; Million Dollar Baby isn't far behind on seven.

The most interesting battle, you declare, borrowing from Sean Macaulay in the Times, is between Eastwood and Scorsese for best director. Scorsese has never won and "there would be no greater look of devastation than on Scorsese's face if the award went to Eastwood, who has already won best director and best picture Oscars for Unforgiven." In any case, you add with the Independent, "the Academy's ability to get it wrong with best director is almost a standing joke among cinephiles."

Pulling out your copy of the Washington Post, you chide the Academy for failing to nominate Paul Giamatti. "His snub for the critical and commerical hit Sideways is unforgivable," you thunder. "Lumpy and balding, Giamatti is just the type of actor likely to be overlooked by Oscar."

One of the biggest surprises was Vera Drake, which received a nomination for its star, Imelda Staunton, and two for its writer-director, Mike Leigh . But Staunton's astonishing performance is certain to be overlooked, you say, echoing Henry Fitzherbert's indignation in the Sunday Express. "As far as Hollywood is concerned, Staunton will be history; a middle-aged actress who served her purpose in lending integrity to the awards but who will be on nobody's A-list afterwards." Still, you sigh, "some of the most memorable performances of the silver screen were never nominated" (Independent), among them Judy Garland for The Wizard of Oz, Orson Welles for Citizen Kane and Peter O'Toole for Lawrence of Arabia.

But at least Jamie Foxx should be rewarded for his effort in Ray, you say. As blind bluesman Ray Charles, "Foxx nails it all", you gush, joining Jenny McCartney in the Sunday Telegraph. The film has six Oscar nominations, but "Ray is cert for only one: best actor."