Oakland 21 - 48 Tampa Bay

Pre-amble

Do you remember your first time?

For me it was back in 1986. In the hit-parade, poodle-rock reigned supreme as Europe and Bon Jovi traded soft-rock riffs and Dynasty-style perms in the battle for the No1 spot. But on the (American football) field one man ruled supreme: William 'Refridgerator' Perry; 360lbs of pure lard, a player who could knock a whole defensive line down just by exhaling. He was unstoppable, and so was his team, the Chicago Bears. That year they thrashed the New England Patriots 46-10.

Sixteen years on, American football isn't nearly as popular with the UK masses. That's a shame, for this game promises much; as the Oakland Raiders - the NFL's best offense - take on the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the NFL's best defense.

Sadly, before then the crowd will have to endure a Celine Dion and Carlos Santana medley (yes, really) - and the Dixie Chicks singing the national anthem. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

For what it's worth, my money's on Tampa tonight. It's piping hot in San Diego and the Raiders' ageing offense - quarterback Rich Gannon is 37, while 40-year-old star wide receiver Jerry Rice (whose Snoop Dogg-look does him no favours) might just struggle in the heat.

'Singing':

Celion Dion, who's wearing so much make-up she looks like a pantomime dame, gets us underway with a painful chorus of 'God Bless America.' (A bit rich considering she's a Canadian, methinks). It's quickly followed by the Dixie Chicks' Nutra-sweet rendition of the national anthem. The crowd love it though - and you should have heard their gung-ho whoops as the US airforce jets flew over the stadium.

The toss:

Tampa Bay win the toss and elect to receive. After yet another advert break we'll be underway...

First quarter - Raiders 0 Bucs 0: 13.37

What a start! The Bucs spring a surprise by opting for a no-huddle offense. After two quick plays it's 3rd and 5 and Tampa Bay are looking smooth. Then, suddenly, the Raiders apply some pressure, Brad Johnson pops one up and it's INTERCEPTED! Charles Woodson, who was out of position, takes the catch and the Raiders will start their opening drive in Tampa Bay territory!

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 0: 10.40

The Raiders get the first points on the board! After making one first down, Gannon is sacked on third down. But Janowski drives a 40-yard field goal through the posts to get the scoreboard ticking along.

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 0: 10.32

Yet more drama as the Bucs seem to fumble away possession on the kick-off return. But the TV replays show that Stecker had his knee down - thus ending the play - and the Bucs are able to successfully overturn the umpires decision. Cue deep breaths in Florida.

Meanwhile Greig Aitken says: "I know that when it comes to daft names American golfers are in a league of their own. But what about football players? Can I start proceedings off with a rather obvious one: Boomer Esiason, erstwhile QB of the Cincinnatti Bengals."

You certainly can, Greg. I like the Bucs' fantastically monikered Joe Jurevicius - but I'm sure you lot can do better.

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 3: 8.40

A great response from Tampa. Successive 23-yard plays take them deep into the Raiders' red zone - but then they're unable to plunder maximum booty (oh dear, I'm resorting to pirate-related puns already). Instead, they have to settle for three points - which they get when their brilliant-named Argentinian kicker Martin Gramatica (not bad, eh, Greg?) slots over a 31-yard field goal.

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 3: 6.36

Who would have thought it? Oakland's much-vaunted offense is firing blanks. On third down, Greg Spiers - a Mount Everest of a man - crashes through and sacks Rich Gannon for a second time, forcing the Raiders to punt.

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 3: 5.46

Both teams are struggling to get any momentum. Tampa go three and out which means yet another ad break, which Channel 5 are filling with an argument between two has-been musicians, Seal and MC Hammer (or is it just Hammer now?) about the merits of the Raiders' attacking prowess. Surreal. Meanwhile Phil Mannion says: "If you're looking for daft names, surely you can look no further than Fuamatu Ma'tafala, the running back for Pittsburgh. Although I believe his first name is Chris."

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 3: 4.14

Again Rich Gannon can do nothing against Tampa's meaner-than-Labour-with-our-firefighters defence. It's three and out, and the Bucs will have the ball.

Incidentally, the daft names continue to flood in. "There's a guy out there called Lincoln Kennedy, covering two centuries of political assassination," says Ben Rawlinson. "By that token, there ought to be a British football player called Spencer Spencer. (Yeah, it's late - and if you've got your head round that one I expect it'll now be feeling later.) Keep up the good work and enjoy the game." You too, Lee...

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 3: 1.35

This game has had more punts than Michael Owen at the races. This time Tampa can make no headway and are forced to kick it away. Darian Gordon takes the catch and returns it 18 yards, giving the Raiders decent field position. They'll be looking to do something with this.

More of your daft names. "You can't beat Kendrick Office from the Buffalo Bills, he sounds like a surplus staple company," says Matthew Davies. Meanwhile Andrew Price says: "My input to the best NFL name debate is Peerless Price of the Bills. I can't really say much more than that, after all, he is peerless."

First quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 3: 0.00

A nervy first quarter ends with Rich Gannon attempting to force a pass into central-London-traffic on 3rd down and 2. It's a huge mistake and Tampa's Dexter Jackson makes the interception!

Second quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 6: 11.15

Apologies for the delay: computer problems. Where's a techie when you need them? (Answer: playing War Hammer and eating Monster Munch). You've missed a decent Tampa drive which ends with Gramatica making a 31-yard field goal to put the Bucs ahead.

Thanks for your emails, incidentally, which continue to fly in at a fair rate. "Singling out Americans for silly names isn't entirely fair," reckons Mark Betchel. "It's not like English footballers aren't daftly named on occasion. (Rio?) Having said that, there is no denying that the greatest name in the history of sport belongs to former Cleveland Browns wide receiver Fair Hooker."

Second quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 6: 10.23

Another interception by Dexter Jackson!

Just as Oakland look like they're getting their act together (well, having made their first first-down since their opening drive) Gannon goes stir crazy. Despite having plenty of time in the pocket, he tries to find Jerry Rice in double coverage - only to find Tampa's lightning fast defence picking off his pass. Again.

More daft names. "How about Alge Crumpler of the Falcons?" says Charlie Warman.

Second quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 13: 6.16

Touchdown Tampa Bay! After the teams trade punts (insert your own England card-school joke here) the Bucs find themselves in great field position. And, for a change, they capitalise on it: MIke Alstott battering-rams in from two yards to put them 10 points ahead.

So far the Raiders have made just 39 yards on offense - they desperate need to start firing soon.

Meanwhile my colleague Scott Murray writes: "without wishing to go on too much of a Craig Ferguson/Stuart Maconie hey-does-anyone-remember-spangles retro tip, have you noticed that the musical stings on the Sky coverage are a total rip-off of the theme to top 70s BBC sportsfest Superstars?" he asks.

"I'm only waiting up in the hope of seeing a sweaty and determined Brian Jacks squat-thrusting furiously just behind Jerry Rice. Actually, I think it's time I went to bed."

Second quarter: Raiders 3 Bucs 13: 3.46

Oakland's attack is, like a Greyhound bus leaving station, slowly spluttering into life: they make a couple of first downs before failing on a 3rd and 7. Still, Jerry Rice is yet to make a catch, passes are being dropped, and Tampa's defense is completely dominant.

The omens aren't good for Oakland: the biggest deficit a team has overcome to win the Super Bowl is 10 points (the Redskins in Super Bowl XXII) - the exact number they're behind.

Finally, is this the last word on daft names? "Football names, from a column a while back by Steve Rushin of Sports Illustrated," writes Mark Mravic.

"Zeron Flemister, Cletidus Hunt, Emarlos Leroy, Armegis Spearman, Sulecio Sanford, Flozell Adams, Shockmain Davis, Antico Dalton, Tebucky Jones, Peppi Zellner, Cheston Blackshear, Wasswa Serwanga, Laveranues Coles, Na'il Diggs, Mondriel Fulcher, Amani Toomer, Dermontti Dawson, Lawyer Milloy, Earthwind Moreland, London Fletcher, Jammi German, Stockar McDougle, Errict Rhett, Lemanski Hall, Olandis Gary, La'Roi Glover, Alshermond Singleton."

Not bad, Mark. I particularly like Armani Toomer...

Second quarter: Raiders 3 Bucs 13: 2.00

As David Bowie and the late Freddie Mercury would put it, Oakland are under pressure (dun, dun, dun, dunnner-ner-ner, dun-dun-dun, dun dun-dun) as Tampa enter their territory just as we arrive at the two-minute warning. Another score here would make things very sticky for Oakland.

Meanwhile Sally Rowen writes in to say: "Everyone's disappeared! It's been like every England World Cup match put together - I'm in Tucson, Arizona and despite the glorious 83 degree sunshine the place is like a ghost town, everyone's inside watching the game."

Don't expect any sympathy here, Sally. London is grey, wet and miserable and I'm knackered. I haven't slept for 22 hours and I'm beginning to feel it. Has anyone got any tips to keep my eyes open?

Second quarter: Raiders 3 Bucs 20: 00.35

Touchdown Tampa! Another great drive from Brad Johnson ends when Keenan McCardell takes a speeding-bullet-of-a-catch. We're less than halfway through this match, but it looks very nearly game over already...

Meanwhile Matthias Ammon reckons: "The best story concerning unfortunate names surely belongs to former German football international Franco Foda.

"The poor bloke played his only two international games on a tour of South America, where he was the cause for some merriment among the locals whenever his name was read out over the tannoy. Small wonder, since his name apparently translates into Spanish as "Free f***ing".

HALF-TIME

OK, I feel like a break. So it's over to you. Send me your thoughts on the game so far, the half-time show, or anything else you want to get off your chest and I'll stick them up in between trips to the water-cooler. Yes, it's a glamorous life I lead...

Let's kick things off with Steve Spencer from Tokyo, who says: "Morning Sean, Nice to see a Guardian play-by-play where the writer isn't complaing about a hangover!"

"I heard that the MVP of the Superbowl gets his portrait on a breakfast cereal carton and wins a trip to Disneyland," he adds. "Can anyone confirm this?"

Oh God, Shania Twain has just got the half-time show underway. And I think we've just arrived at Miming Central.

That can't be said for pop-punksters No Doubt however. The lovely Gwen Stefani (who, so a friend tells me, lives close to me in Kentish Town, London) lets rip with "I'm Just a Girl".

And she's quickly joined by tantric-shagger Sting (who looks like he's been at the gym and at the peroxide since he last appeared on our screens) for a barnstorming duet of "Message in a Bottle."

Meanwhile my colleague Matthew Cunningham, who surely has better things to be doing than reading this at 1.20am in the morning, is in reflective mood.

"Won't that pogoing mass of choreographed It girls ruin the pitch?" he asks. "I tell you, it wouldn't have happened in Sir Alf's day."

Another email, this time from Ted Lee in California.

"The University of Arizona's (American) football team had a receiver named Olatide Ogunfiditimi a few years ago," he says. "The team's quarterback was Frank Malualu, and passes from one to the other caused announcers problems.

"In the early 70s, the New Orleans Saints had a receiver named Jubilee Dunbar. Since then, I've yet to hear of anyone named Jubilee.

"And one of the professional basketball teams had a European player try out who didn't quite make it - named Gregor Fucka. Americans unfamiliar with the proper Eastern European pronounciation were eagerly anticipating his arrival.

"Shania Twain seems to have forgotten that the first cardinal rule of lip-synching is moving your mouth along with the words," he adds. "Can't say she looked all that comfortable up there on the crane either. But if the Raiders don't make it any closer, maybe they can stop the game early and drag out the half-time show again?"

SECOND HALF

Third quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 20: 14.53

We're off again! Oakland have possession and surely have to score quickly to force themselves back into this. But once again fail on 3rd down and are forced to punt.

Meanwhile Jonathan Bass says: "As I am probably the only American in this forum, I can answer Mr.Spencer's question. The Wheaties brand cereal sometimes uses sports personalities as part of its marketing plan. As does Walt Disney World.

"This is interesting for me to experience England's take on the game. You are doing a really good job. I am actually suprised to see so few jabs at America, though."

Well, we can remedy that, Jonathan. Any left-wing firebrands out there fancy taking a swing at US Foreign Policy? This forum is yours...

Third quarter - Third quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 20: 8.12

Tampa are playing clever football now. They're getting first downs and running down the clock and I can't see Oakland getting back into this. I can, however, see my eyelids creeping downwards by the second.

Repeat five times:
"I should not go to work after 20 hours without sleep"
"I should not go to work after 20 hours without sleep"
"I should not go to work after 20 hours without sleep"
"I should not go to work after 20 hours without sleep"
"I should not go to work after 20 hours without sleep"
"I should not go to work after 20 hours without sleep"

Jonathan Tannenwald says I'd be having a bit more fun "if you all got the commericals we get". "Honestly, no one watches the Super Bowl any more for the game, they just watch the adverts," he adds.

Fair point, Jonathan - any good ones this year?

Third quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 27: 5.30

Touchdown Tampa!. Surely it's game over now. Brad Johnson finds Keenan McCardell from eight yards out to take the Bucs 24 points ahead.

Meanwhile we have an anti-American rant at last. "Does it have to be on foreign policy?" asks Sally Rowen. "Can't I take a few jabs at say, the death penalty, gun control laws (and the lack thereof), the exorbitant cost of healthcare?"

You certainly can Sally, fire away. Let your mouth be an AK-47, and your words armour-piercing bullets.

Third quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 27: 5.24

Another advert break, which allows Channel 5 an extended super close-up on the Bucs' cheerleaders.

Meanwhile Andy Hockley reckons the ads on US TV "Have been as bad as the game".

"Every commercial break seems dominated by ads for "Bud Light", he says. "Bud...Light. Think about that, a light version of the most taste-free beer on the planet. Shudder."

Third quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 34: 4.38

Touchdown Tampa!

It really is game over now. Rich Gannon tries to spear a pass towards Jerry Rice but Dwight Smith picks it off and runs the interception in for a touchdown.

Across the world people you can hear the sound of people turning off their TVs (click, click, brrr) and doing something more exciting. But rest assured, the Guardian will be here until the bitter end.

"For a few years now Budweiser has done commercials with Clydesdale horses playing football," says Jonathan Tannenwald, returning to the US TV ads. "This year theirs starts with a close-up shot of a horse's foot coming down near the sidelines, then it rewinds, and plays again, then it rewinds, and plays again.

"Then the camera pans out to the little replay booth that the referee looks into to review plays when something is challenged (as happened early in the game), then the camera pans out more to show two sets of 11 horses standing over the football waiting for a zebra (black and white stripes mocking the NFL referees' uniforms) to come out from under the little head-cover thing.

Cut to a pair of ranchers. One says, "That referee is a real jackass." The other replies, "No, I think that's a zebra." Best so far.

Hmm, I'll take your word for it Jonathan.

Third quarter - Raiders 3 Bucs 34: 4.33

There's a temporary pause in the play as Greg Spiers recovers after having the wind knocked out of him. Which gives me the chance to dive into my inbox, where a fiery rant from Andy Hockley is waiting.

"On what passes for US foreign policy at the moment (if they have any natural resources, kill them), we had the distinctly unappetising pre-game image of Brad Johnson going on about how honoured he was to be playing this game knowing that 'our brave men and women' (those would be the ones that sit hundreds of miles away and rain cruise missiles down on cities) were watching."

Third quarter - Raiders 9 Bucs 34: 2.11

Touchdown Oakland! It's too late of course, but at last the Raiders' much-vaunted offense scores a touchdown when Rich Gannon hits Jerry Porter with a 39-yard pass to Jerry Porter. Their two-point conversion attempt fails, however, when Gannon is tackled.

Meanwhile your emails continue to come in. "Ms. Rowen, I recall an article written by David Bamber of the Daily Telegraph reporting that England and Wales had the highest crime rate among the world's leading economies in 2002," says our Voice of America, Jonathan Bass.

"I am for gun control and against the death penalty (I am, however, for life terms with hard labour)," he adds, with a touch of compassion. "Possibly England needs to consider a different approach."

Third quarter - Raiders 9 Bucs 34: 0.00

No surprises here: Tampa are running the ball and running the clock down. Surely it's all over bar the dunking of the coach with Gatorade?

Incidentally, it may be late, but Matthew Davies is still flick-knife sharp. "I have nothing to say about the football," he says, "but I'd like to say that putting war criminal Henry Kissinger in charge of the 9/11 inquiry, is like putting Robert Mugabe in charge of the Department of Agriculture."

Fourth quarter - Raiders 15 Bucs 34: 14.55

Touchdown Oakland! Maybe this game isn't over yet! Tampa's punt is blocked and Eric Johnson runs it in - although once again the Raiders fail to make the two-yard conversion. Surely they can't come back from a 31-point deficit?

Incidentally, Dave is not impressed with the barbs at "US foreign policy and the US military". "Well, I guess our policy is different than Euro policy, which is to have your troops stand around looking all indignant while Serbs massacre Bosnian civilians," he says. "Yes, your policy is much superior."

Fourth quarter - Raiders 15 Bucs 34: 12.06

Apologies for the delay - more computer problems. Don't worry, you haven't missed anything dramatic. Oakland had some defensive pressure, but conceded a couple of penalties which look to have cost them dear, as Tampa are in the red zone again.

"Isn't watching American Football like watching Sunderland?" asks a "tired and bored" Mike Leach. "Predominantly set-piece based with the only excitement occuring when somebody falls over in a comical manner?

"Have spent much of previous hour reading over minute-by-minute (plug alert: read them - I particuarly recommend Scott Murray's piece on US v Mexico - here) reports from he World Cup," he adds. "Still re-reading the quarters over-and-over shouting "Get back on the line you pony-tailed git!"

"More Guns = Less Crime. George War Bush logic if ever I heard it."

Fourth quarter - Raiders 15 Bucs 34: 9.06

It's too early to talk of a Jana Novotna-style choke, but Tampa aren't doing this the easy way. They've just messed up a 27-yard field goal which would have surely put the game beyond reach.

The action may be simmering on the pitch, but it's at boiling point off it. "Mr Bass - there is conclusive evidence that the death penalty does not serve as a deterrent?" asks a fired up Sally Rowen.

Meanwhile Mr Bass is having a pop at Mr Hockley.

"I would not consider Afghanistan to be chock full of anything let alone natural resources," he says. "It is nice, however, to see 55% of their population (female) getting an opportunity to become educated, productive, and meaningful members of society.

"And I do not believe Yugoslavia had much to offer in resources as well. But again, it was nice seeing the Yugoslavs themselves send Milosevic packing."

Anyone else fancy wading in?

Fourth quarter - Raiders 15 Bucs 34: 7.42

To be honest, the Raiders' don't look like a team about to launch a Lazarus-style comeback. They need to score three touchdowns in seven minutes - which, with the short passing game they're currently employing, looks all-but-impossible. So let's concentrate on your emails instead.

"Have changed my mind and I think everyone should mellow out and not argue," says a olive-branch holding Mike Leach.

"Instead we should sit back and enjoy what passes for a game between some backward hicks and gun-toting lunatics desperate for every last drop of oil to grease whatever it is they feel like greasing (aside from their cousins?). Or am I missing the point?"

Fourth quarter - Raiders 21 Bucs 34: 6.18

Touchdown Raiders The commentator's curse strikes again! At last Oakland mix it up and Gannon finds Jerry Rice deep and the 40-year-old veteran coasts into the endzone.

Once again, however, the Raiders aren't able to make the two-point conversion. To think: if they had kicked all three touchdowns it would now be a 10-point game.

More emails. Graeme Beasley wants to know: "Is Mr Boss SERIOUSLY saying the Americans invaded Afghanistan to liberate their females?"

Meanwhile Andy Hockley says: "Can I recommend that "Dave" read US journalist Peter Maass's account of the Bosnian war "Love Thy Neighbor". It'll confirm his justified view of European (lack of) action, but it doesn't exactly paint the US (in)action in a favourable light either."

Fourth quarter - Raiders 21 Bucs 34: 4.00

On a big 3rd down and 7 play, Tampa make a crucial first down. To be honest, I think that's it now (although I've said about seven times before). The Buccaneers will just keep running the clock down - and the Raiders have only one time out left.

"As a resident of San Diego I can tell you how the game has affected us," says a trippy Dave Marler. "Not at all!"

"We are only happy that the Raiders are losing," he adds. "Yes we are "Raider Haters!"

Good to see that someone's happy, Dave.

Fourth quarter - Raiders 21 Bucs 34: 2.45

Tampa Bay are forced to punt, but can the Raiders really score twice in less than three minutes? I doubt it.

Fourth quarter - Raiders 21 Bucs 41: 1.12

That's it: game over!

Derek Brooks, who had four defensive touchdowns in the regular season and was the defensive player of the year, intercepts Rich Gannon's howitzer and jogs into the endzone to take Tampa Bay to their first Super Bowl. They might have wobbled a bit in this second half, but they deserved it.

Incidentally, Claude Boucher from New Brunswick, Canada ("Fine provider of talent for SuperBowl XXXVII - Céline and Shania") wants a concise introduction to cricket.

Claude, it's late and I'm tired. But Guardian Unlimited will be running daily over-by-over reports on the World Cup from February 9 - so I'll happily do it then. Deal?

Fourth quarter - Raiders 21 Bucs 48: 0.02

The game is over, but the scoring isn't - Derek Brown runs in another interception for a touchdown (Tampa's five interceptions is a Super Bowl record, by the way) to make the score even more crushing.

One final word from Jonathan Bass, who's sticking up for US foreign policy.

"I do feel that in general, our motivation is just and that the positive externalities of our action greatly outweigh the negative effects," he says. "We may be the bad guys, but the inspectors that Europe so badly wants to give more time to, would not ever be there if not for the US's military pressure."

Perhaps. Either way, I'm too tired to tap the keyboard, let alone argue.

Game over

Well, that's it: Tampa, who had 14 losing seasons when they came into the NFL are the Super Bowl champs. They'll be celebrating deep into the San Diego night, no doubt. Me? Well, I'm just craving sleep, which thankfully isn't too far away now.

Thanks for all your emails - sorry I couldn't use all of them.

A final one before I go. "As someone who has never enjoyed football - and, frankly, never taken the time to figure out what the heck is going on or why I should care - I must say that your coverage is the most understandable as well as the most stimulating I've ever encountered," says Leslie Kossoff (I haven't paid her, honest).

"Regarding the US, UK, Afghanistan, Europe, Bosnia, Iraq and everything else...in the end, not one of us comes out looking very good - only for different reasons. Sad but true."

And sadly this marks the end of Guardian Unlimited's coverage of the Super Bowl. Hopefully we'll see you again soon.