For some, this Bowl's not too Super

Alright, I cannot be the only one that's not very pumped about this Super Bowl.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking: "But Athletic Supporter, this should be just like all those other Super Bowls your team hasn't made since 1992. And since the Redskins have only made the playoffs once since then, you should be used to adopting a surrogate team."

That's a great point, but this year is different. Forget "Gruden Bowl." This year's big game should be called the "These Guys Are All (Insert Expletive Here) Bowl."

But, hey, it is the Super Bowl, right? A great reason to get tanked, eat a boatload of chicken wings and get absolutely nothing done at work on Monday, so my complaints stop here.

Yet I can't help but feel cheated this year.

It's not that my Redskins failed once again to even resemble respectability (I was expecting eight wins, it's more of who I am going to be forced to watch this Sunday.

It's more than Keyshawn. More than Warren. More than even Romo.

What's really going to light my fire is seeing Brad Johnson in a Super Bowl. (I'm still in shock that those words I just typed are a reality. Absolute shock.)

The only thing in sports (outside of the games, themselves, I guess) that would be more entertaining than Super Bowl Media Day is if the NBA schedule happened to coincide with Father's Day. Alas, it does not.

So we're all forced to wait for that one magical day every year when guys like Jerry Porter (Jerry freakin' Porter) completely overestimate their self worth as they ride their far more talented teammates' coattails all the way from obscurity to Media Day, where, they make brash and ignorant comments about everything from the game to the state of the nation.

And, I love it.

Where else do you get to hear guys such as Tampa Bay's Simeon Rice say things like, "When it's time to shine, I want to glisten." Hemmingway who? There's a new bard in town, and his name is Simeon Rice.

But, this was all torn away from me this week. Just like most American males, I sat down the morning after Media Day, bowl of Cheerios in hand, and couldn't wait to read what this year's batch of geniuses had to say.

However, much like he did during his less than illustrious time with the Redskins, Johnson took something I love and ruined it.

Like metal to a magnet, my eye instantly surpassed all Sapp-isms and quips from Keyshawn and went directly to a quote from Brad Johnson.

"All I do is win," Johnson said.

What?!? In his five seasons as a starter prior to this playoff run (which must have been the result of him selling his soul to the devil, there's simply no other way), Johnson's team made the playoffs four times. Impressive enough, but to call yourself a winner, you should probably win in the playoffs, and that's where Brad, well...

In those four playoff performances, Johnson has two wins (one of which was against Wayne Fontes, which means it doesn't count), and four losses, three of which were by a total of 63 points. That's an average of three touchdowns per loss if you subtract his (I need a scotch just to even mention this) one-point loss to his current team in 1999.

So you see, no matter how many times Bill Romanowski has sold drugs to his teammates or spit in J.J. Stokes' face, he still has four Super Bowl rings. That's twice as many Super Bowl rings as Johnson had playoff wins before this year.

So if you're looking for my prediction, I think the facts speak for themselves.

Winners (i.e. Jerry Rice, Romo) always beat losers (Brad Johnson) and that means Oakland's Tim Brown is going to get his ring Sunday night.

Raiders 24, Buccaneers 13.