Analysis Of Bringing Up A Baby

The concept of a family is now becoming drastically different from what it used to be a few decades ago. In our parents' times, being a part of one big, happy family with numerous children was a great idea, as our aunts and uncles like to tell us (and Grandparents never fail to remind us). But urban lives of the current times do not allow those kind of pleasures and luxuries...happy families at mealtimes, praying together, dining together, happy families at occasions of marriages, gatherings or Christmas. Now it's a card or better still, an e-greeting. The younger card is making do with just an abbreviated SMS - MERY XMS...which is expected to carry the spirit of the season, those woolly snowflakes on Dad's jacket, the aroma of turkey in the large kitchen, the Christmas presents under the brightly lit tree...that Star on the top, signifying religious fervor but more of bonhomie and goodwill.

So what happens to the happy family syndrome? Well, the family has just shrunk. In a family of single child, or at best, two children, the relationship between siblings, parents and parents and children has been a subject for much study. We shall try to understand one small aspect of this many cornered relationship rhombus - the reaction of a modern child to the arrival of a sibling in the family.

Here, it will be opportune to say that traditionally speaking, children cannot have any reaction to the arrival of a brother or sister, save some excitement...and in some cases, sibling jealousy. But like everything else in modern times, child-psychologists have complicated even this simple, child-like reaction, by telling parents that planning a second baby needs careful maneuvering and manipulating of the older child.

So how does a three year old react to a new baby? In most cases, with jealousy, since the parents' attention is now diverted from her. What are the parents expected to do now? The best way to control negative feelings is by diverting those feelings into constructive channels. Get your three year old to fetch and carry toys for the new baby, giving her the feeling of being a part of the grown-up crowd. Let her sit close to the child and with you, study who the baby resembles...(and it had better be her). Make sure you never, ever compare her to the new child, and if you do, always make sure she comes out the better of the two. After all, the new baby is too small to bother, but the elder one CARES. Also, never ever ignore the older child, however busy or frustrated you may be feeling. The role of the parents can also be gender specific at this point. Daughters (especially older ones) feel insecure about losing their father's affection to the younger one. So it will be a good idea for the father to take the onus of being with her through the initial few weeks of the birth of her sister or brother. This will reassure her that the new sibling isn't going to take away what's hers, at least till she is old enough to learn to share (though she will never be old enough to learn to share Dad's affection).

For a slightly older child, involvement in the daily chores of the new child can solve a lot of problems. Maybe you can point out to her that she was bathed and massaged exactly the same way as the baby is being done. A five year old can learn to appreciate how tiny the newborn is, and how utterly sweet her tiny hands and feet are. It will never occur to her to harm the new baby if she considers herself as a part of the adult group that's bringing - up-baby (literally). This involvement in the new child will also ensure that as the baby grows up, the older child will feel responsible for her, and the second child will also have a warm and friendly elder sibling waiting for her when she is ready to go out into the world. Uncaring siblings are often a result of apathy from parents when subsequent children are born.

Children six, seven or even eight years old when their siblings are born, react differently to the newcomer. In most cases, they see their mother through pregnancy, have a lot of questions to ask, have a load of anxieties about the mother's well-being, and generally consider themselves are responsible for helping their Mom. In fact this very trait needs to be encouraged. This is so especially in girls, since they are far more caring, and hence, make wonderful elder sisters. It's a good idea to share information about the unborn baby with your elder child, for instance, tell her, see, she is five months old inside Mama's tummy, and the doctor says, she will start growing nails now. Or, the child can hear the baby's heartbeat during a regular checkup. It is an amazing thing, and who can appreciate this better than a child. Attachment to the unborn baby will ensure the older child will love the baby when it is born. Love to care for her, even help the mother in some little, light chores. What better bond can be forged between siblings who will have each other when the parents are no more?

With the change in the size as well as concept of families, it is extremely important that every child (especially in couples who plan to have only two), learns to appreciate the value of a sibling, the joy of shared memories or parents and a homelife that will be their support for the entire life to come. These memories also help shape the child's adult life, since the child of a close-knit, happy family, becomes an affectionate, happy, adult.