Another New Year’s Resolution

So I thought giving myself nicotine gum for Christmas would have a deeper impact than to make a New Year’s Resolution.
It's the 21st of January and I am still smoking cigarettes like I am going to die tomorrow.
Perhaps it's knowing that there is a healthy pair of lungs out there running marathons, just waiting for my need and personal tragedy to occur.
I wish no harm on anyone- they say it comes back three fold
So this year I no longer say I wish (s)he would just die
now I say
"I hope they get the flu"
because I know I can handle 9 or 10 crappy days
But still it all comes back
all my bad habits from pre2005
The holiday depression started a week before Christmas and ended 1/20/2005
I thought it would get easier as I get older
I careless about things I should care more and vice versa
I realized in my black haze that I may be unique-
like snowflakes- and that people will pee on those snowflakes without a second thought.
It seems those of us functionally-dysfunctional people appear that we don't about what happens
We do- just so long as it includes us.
Don't rain on my parade
don't pee on my snow
That's my job
I can screw up my life on my own
But that's my choice
and I can choose to enjoy it all
the depression, the rain and the snow.