Pats and fans get ready for a Colts' stampede

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This week out at the Razor, the Pats get ready to face a stampeding Indy Colts team. A team that hasn't punted in two games, and a QB in Peyton Manning (1st in post season) who has thrown for almost 700 yards in two games. But it doesn't stop there -- RB Edgerrin James (2nd in post season) has run for 203 yards, and WR Marvin Harrison (2nd in post season) has racked up 231 receiving yards.

Those are impressive numbers, but you can't fairly compare those stats to what the Pats have accomplished because being the number one seed they were blessed with a bye week. So all of this talk about the Colts being a powerhouse is null and void from my perspective. Especially when they leveled two teams whose defense doesn't even come close to the Patriots. And speaking of defense, the Colts are ranked last in the playoffs for defense since the Chiefs and Broncos have been eliminated. So what does that say for the Colts?

Don't get me wrong they have talent, they have a good game plan, and they have a good coach in Tony Dungy. But to me, this Colts teams is boring. Yeah, they had some interior squabbles at the end of last year between Dungy, Manning, and K Mike Vanderjagt, but overall they are boring with an emphasis on the BORE. To others dismay, this statement may contradict with what some other writers are writing about our team.

Let's take the Indianapolis Star's Bob Kravitz who wrote "America needs, deserves a Colts-Eagles Super Bowl" earlier this week. An article my cousin Josh had e-mailed me making some comments about the writer's intelligence. I won't go there, but I must say he was wrong when he made some comments about America being "bored to tears" with the Pats. He also said head coach Bill Belichick should be declared a fire danger because he is so dry. The criticism didn't end there, as he then went on to take pops at RB's Antowain Smith, Kevin Faulk, LB Mike Vrabel, and also lashed out at QB Tom Brady because he's tired of hearing his wife say how cute Tom is. Well Mr. Kravitz, I think it's time for moi; the Sinista1 to dissect what they have over there in Indy, and see how exciting they are.

Who are the Indianapolis Colts? The Colts are a team that was once the AFC East doormat, and if it wasn't for the NFL's realignment and the creation of AFC South they would never be getting this much attention nationwide because they are so boring, and play in a dome with artificial climate. What fun is that?

No matter home many home games the Colts win, their owner will never see such fan appreciation as Bob Kraft did this year during the "Brrr Bowl" against Titans, or with the spontaneous throwing of snow to "Rock and Roll Pt2" during the Dolphins game. Pats fans get the MVF award there.

Now Bob, what is so wrong about Smith and Faulk? Neither of them have nappy dreads, but they did out rush James with a combined 1280 yards for the season on 360 carries. I'll give James some credit though, he did hit the end one more often, but he didn't get in on four freakin' tries from the one yard line on November 30th did he?

Ouch, that had to hurt.

As for our QB... Since the Super Bowl win, Tom Brady has been to the Playboy Mansion, judged Miss USA 2002, received a bundle of marriage proposals, hung out with Mariah Carey, got a personal invite from Britney Spears to see her Fleet show right after her breakup with Justin Timberlake, threw out the first pitch on opening day at Fenway, and dated party girl Tara Reid who provided us with her own share of stories at Gillette Stadium.

What's the most exciting thing Manning has ever brought into the RCA Dome? His dad Archie and brother Eli.

Wow, I'm speechless, ooohhh here come the Mannings... Sorry, I'll take Tara Reid in low cut jeans, and a peek a boo thong any day.

As for Tom Brady being cute, Tom reminds me of those toothpaste ads in the late '70s where the model would look at the camera and the teeth would gleam. But, when I put Peyton Manning in that situation, I keep hearing the "Mr Ed" theme song in my head for some reason.

Actually, here's a thought...

Separated at Birth???

Oh well, I guess I'll just let the female fans speak their part on why the Pats will beat the Colts using the dreaded "cute factor".

Now I know there are quite a few women out there that understand the game, but I really wanted to see the responses from the other side. So, if you don't know what the cute factor is; it's the same factor that allows your spouse or co-worker or girlfriend to hit on her football card or the office pool more than you all season by picking the teams that has the best looking players...

Theresa aka Garbanza of PatsFans.com: Tom Brady could quite possibly be the best looking QB in the league... Wait... Actually, he IS the best looking QB in the league. I met him once, and spoke briefly. Jesus, he is beautiful, but in a 15-year-old baby-face. I could go to jail for thinking this kind of way.

Christian Fauria could quite possibly be the best looking TE in the league...Wait... Actually, he IS the best looking TE in the league. I met him too, and spoke briefly. Jesus, he is beautiful, in that... Oh yeah baby! Kind of way.

The Horse faces, (I mean Colts players) should go DOWN BIG if your only source for judgment and prediction is the "Cute Factor" factor. No contest, Pats win!

Kerrina & her sister Stacey: After carefully analyzing the..uh.."matchups"..it is very obvious that not only will the Patriots win but they will win in a blowout. Here's the reasoning...

Peyton Manning v. Tom Brady:

This comparison is no contest. The best you could possibly say for Manning is that he has a vaguely endearing farm-boy quality to his features. That's if you're being kind. A better way to describe him would be "droopy." He's lanky, awkward and looks half asleep most of the time. Brady on the other hand, is by far the best looking quarterback in the league. He's a GQ model in a football player's body. If the MVP voting was based even remotely on appearance there would be no tie. Brady runs away with it.

Marcus Pollard v. Christian Fauria:

On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being Jeremy Shockey and 10 being Tony Gonzalez), Fauria ranks somewhere in the 9.75 range. He's incredibly handsome and comes across as funny, intelligent and charmingly self-deprecating in interviews. I've even caught a female Jet fan admiring him. Any player that can bring Pats and Jets fans together with his looks alone is a very special guy indeed. Pollard isn't an unpleasant looking man by any means. He's actually fairly attractive. But he doesn't hold a candle to Fauria.

Walt Harris v. Ty Law:

Not much to say about Harris. He's just not particularly handsome. His Patriot counterpart leaves him far in the dust as far as appearances (not to mention talent) go. Law is exceptionally well-groomed but you never get the sense that he's vain or silly. He's well-spoken and articulate and has a keen sense of fashion. He does justice to a sweatshirt and baseball cap as well as a suit and tie. He's always the height of class and you could just as easily see him in a corporate board room as you could working out in a gym.

Mike Doss v. Rodney Harrison:

The common opinion among female fans was that the loss of Lawyer Milloy was a major blow to the overall "cuteness" of the Patriot secondary. But over time we've grown as fond of Harrison's looks as we were of Milloy's. Part of his appeal is his aura of complete confidence. His reputation as a "dirty player" may have hurt him in Pro Bowl voting but it doesn't hurt his level of attractiveness one bit (women love bad boys). By comparison, Mike Doss is as unspectacular in the looks department as his Colt secondary is in coverage.

Mike Vanderjagt v. Adam Vinatieri:

Vanderjagt is about as dopey looking as his quarterback. In all fairness, he's not completely unattractive but his foolish comments last year on Canadian television following the disappointing Colts playoff birth completely takes away from any appeal he might otherwise have. Embarrassing oneself in public is never sexy. He is a kicker through and through. Vinatieri is not a kicker, he's a football player, and he's every bit as cute as he is competitive. The perception that most women have of kickers is that they're all short, plain, and wimpy. Adam is as rugged and manly as they come in the NFL. He's definitely the most attractive kicker in the league.

Sue, Amy, Jackie & Theresa of the May Institute of Brockton: If the Colts believe they can gallop into town and lasso our Patriots... Sorry guys, with our team's talent, strength and good looks you don't have a chance. So when we are walking away with the AFC championship all you'll leave behind are horse patties.

As far as coaches go Bill B has it going on because the monk look is in. That Dungy guy, when you look into his shiny head on game day the only thing reflecting back will be the faces of his players in tears.

Us sex crazed nurses have a lot to say about the whole "cute factor" and the players starting with why would they give Tom Brady the number 12 when he his is clearly a 10.

Ty Law: With his breaking the law looks he can "ty" us up any time, just as he will the Colts.

Tedy Bruschi: If there is as much power and strength behind those teddy bear hugs as we nurses have assessed then the Colt players have no chance.

Adam Vinatieri: Although feet are not the specialty here with us nurses, those are some golden toes we would love to measure!!!!!

Willie McGinest: What can we say about Willie? We love him braids and all.

Matt Light: Before the Fab 5 (Queer Eye) gets their hands on him I would like to light the way for him as he lights the way for a Patriots win.

This is our story and we are sticking to it. We are happy to help and hope that we can give more cute factor tips when the Red Sox pick up some cuties next season....

So there you have it Mr. Bob Kravitz, the Patriots Nation of female fans has let their voices be heard, and if the Pats make it to the Super Bowl maybe I can schmooze my way into the Maxim Party, and let you know how it was.

Comments: Email me at Sinista1@msn.com

* Player's stats and AFC Banner are from NFL.com

* Manning Pic is from NCAA.org

* Droopy Pic is from Pemberly.com

* A special thanks to those women who e-mailed me with their suggestions on a short notice.