The Gator nation in mourning

As news leaked out about Ron Zook's ascension to the throne at Ben Hill Griffin Stadium at Florida Field early Wednesday morning, if you listened really closely, you could hear two distinct sounds.

First was the sound of thousands of Gators fans' jaws dropping to the ground, followed by prolonged crying, screaming, and Jeremy Foley's name being taken in vain. The second was pure, gut-busting, uncontrollable laughter that could be heard echoing across every Southeastern Conference campus, and from Tallahassee down to Coral Gables.

There are also unconfirmed reports of Phil Fullmer doing cartwheels over Rocky Top, and Mark Richt jumping for joy over the hedges.

We won't even discuss Bobby Bowden's reaction.

In a matter of days, the Florida Gator football program went from a national powerhouse to a national laughing stock.

Ron Zook? Are you kidding me?

This is the same Ron Zook who did such a fine job as Gators defensive coordinator in 1994 that Steve Spurrier demoted him to special teams coach.

This is the same Ron Zook whose New Orleans Saints defense allowed a mere 160 points over its last four games.

When I first heard the announcement, I hoped there was another coach out there named Ron Zook, who was a brilliant recruiter, an offensive mastermind who could step in and continue the Florida football dynasty without missing a beat.

No such luck.

And to make matters worse, the Gators also lost their offensive coordinator Buddy Teevens, who accepted the head coaching position at Stanford.

So, Florida now has a defensive-minded head coach, and nobody to run the offense.

A slew of Gator underclassmen have declared for the NFL draft, and Heisman trophy runner-up Rex Grossman's status is up in the air, as is the status of fellow quarterback Brock Berlin.

Sounds like a recipe for disaster.

What boggles my mind the most is Foley's insistence that he didn't settle for less when he chose Zook.

In the Wednesday press conference announcing Zook, Foley stated that current Denver Broncos coach Mike Shanahan, current Oklahoma head coach Bob Stoops and Zook were the only three coaches who were on his wish list, and after that "I have absolutely no idea where I would have gone."

Apparently, Jeremy Foley has never heard of Jon Gruden, Rick Neuheisel or Mike Bellotti. Three fine coaches who are miles ahead of Zook as head coaches, and who would have been welcomed with open arms in Gainesville.

It has been reported that Gruden even sent out feelers to the Florida athletic department expressing his interest in the Gators head coaching vacancy.

Ah, I can see it now: Jon Gruden, dressed in a bright orange shirt, stalking the sidelines of The Swamp, watching Grossman pass his way to the Heisman trophy, and leading the Gators to a national championship. Instead, Florida is stuck with a second-rate defensive coordinator with no head coaching experience, a group of underclassmen ready to jump ship, and a bunch of high school recruits scrambling through their garbage cans, looking for the phone numbers of those other college football coaches.

As a graduate of the University of Florida, and an avid supporter of Gator football, I only have one thing left to say:

Will the person or persons responsible for kidnapping Jeremy Foley and replacing him with a shortsighted, illogical, impatient imposter please return him to the University of Florida campus as soon as possible? No questions will be asked. Your cooperation would be greatly appreciated.