| Name |
Views and Comments | Date |
| Sharon |
Working On It says he wants to facilitate the healing of his NB's real self by breaking down the NB's delusions whenever the real self comes out. He says his NB is basically a good person who knows he has a problem but who would never submit to voluntary therapy since he won't admit the problem publicly. Working On It then says how the NB reacts to it when his Nself is exposed to the real self - the real self retreats again and the Nself repairs the wall of delusion that was breeched.
I don't want to discourage you, WOI, but be realistic about the prognosis for NPD. If you know anything at all about NPD, you should know these people don't get cured. Any help they get is only temporary at best. They always revert back to type. Please, for your own sanity and good, you can't be your NB's keeper in this much less his therapist! Save yourself. Don't expend all your best energy and effort on him, because these N's are emotional vampires. It will be futile. I don't know how long you've known your brother is a N and hope you don't have to learn the hard way there isn't much that can be done for N's. |
7/23/2008 |
| Sharon |
I just read the interview article "Adult Children of Narcissists" and think it contains a lot of insight and wisdom for we who are so unfortunate as to be saddled with a NParent. Mine is my 88-year old NM who is now safely put away in a good nursing home. I found out about NPD as recently as this past April and have come a long way in a short time devouring and processing all the NPD info I can. I'm presently doing NC/no contact, which I have no intention of breaking until NM is dead in a box and on her way to the crematorium. Am also in therapy now with a counselor who is NPD literate. There are so many articles to read here that I don't know how I'll get to all of them! A cyberbuddy who has two N's in her life and who was the one who first informed me of NPD sent me this site. |
7/23/2008 |
| April Jackson |
I noticed that some of my writing was illegible. That was $ 200,000. That was the amount in property not including furniture and antiques... I hope he is happy. He still has one item of mine worth a little over $ 100,000, a home I bought with my hard earned money. While I was away on vacation he lived there, getting in with a spare key without my permission, and refused to leave. After years of fighting him legally, he lied under oath and claimed he paid the taxes on the "abandoned" property. Why would I abandon my personal dwelling, I was on vacation visiting my mother out of state. Taking advantage of the sqatters law and claiming he was disabled, the court awarded him the deed to my home. I was forced while the legal stuff was going on to live somewhere else because I refused to live in the same house as him. The law should have removed him. Anyway, I contacted members of Washington on my case and was referred to different political realms. My dad never had permission to step one foot on my property, in fact, just the opposite. He lied and said I abandoned the house. That makes no sense at all. He's just a criminal, child molester that needs to be in prison... So, now, as crazy as it sounds, the deed to my home is in his name and I am living there now taking care of him. God has blessed me with incredible patience. Somewhere, spiritually, I know that I will be rewarded, but is it really worth all this I have to endure? I inform my dad often that there is a law that governs our land that we are obligated to follow. That somewhat subdued his violent behavior... |
6/13/2008 |
| April Jackson |
It has really healped me reading the above. I wrote earlier but had more to say. My dad has really hurt me very badly physically, cracking my leg bone twice and contussions to my head. He is a very twisted person and I pray to God I get the money to move. Any prayers from any of the readers please welcome. I thought he might calm down a little after his surgery but he hasn't. Unfortunately, he never did one day in jail over his abuse to me and my own son, but I know God sees and hears all. I am currently disabled because of his abuse. His name is Ron Jackson and I pray God takes me away from him to safety. I am sick of his threats. He also still physically abuses me and I am 38 years old. Even today, he pushed his walker at me. This is the third or forth assault he has done to me in less than 2 months. (He only uses a walker for a short time because he just had surgery.) I have never laid a hand on any of my family members or parents in my whole life, always too afraid too. He twists the story around and tries to make out that I am the violent one. I pray the law one day finally puts him behind bars where he truly belongs. My sister refuses to even visit because he is abusive to her too. I have not seen her in 9 years because of theabuse he has done to us. She is so traumatized she wont come to see me. My son wont come see me either. Maybe, I do have a problem in that everyone stays away because my dad's abuse and I need to get away like they did, this time forever. He tells me nobody will marry me or date me and insults me constantly. In fact, nobody ever comes to visit me. I ask my friends why and they say it is because my dad is mean. Why do I put up with it? He has stolen huge amounts of money and property from me in the thousands and tens of thousands. Now I am broke completely and dependent financially on him temporarily because of the car accident I had in January. I am recovered now and waiting on enough money to move out again. It is so completely miserable living with him, it is like Hell. My son is missing and refuses to speak to me because my dad severly beat, kicked and tortured him. Most of it, I was told by witnesses. Some of us turned it over to Social Services and they did nothing so I got the father of the child, who was out of state, involved and they both disappeared and went into hiding years ago. I tried numerous times to prosecute my dad for abusing me, my son and my sister but no charges ever stuck. Then I found out he was stealing big amounts of money from me. That is against the law. Three years ago I was worth about $ 200,00. Now, I have nothing. I wrote the Governor on my case. My dad still abuses me today and looks at underage girls... |
6/13/2008 |
| April Jackson |
My "dad" has abused me my whole life and now I am caring for him. When I stand up to him he threatens to call the police. I want to move out. I am a Christian and I know that God will forgive me for leaving-if I don't I will go insane. I want & deserve a peaceful life. |
6/13/2008 |
| working on it |
I am the brother of a malignant narcissist and run a business with him, seeing him on a daily basis. I accept that it is massively draining to be in such a relationship but I am not going to withdraw completely from a member of my family. I feel a responsibility to look out for him and therefore I am willing to persevere with the relationship. We are a close family also and our parents find it upsetting that we can't get along. Thanks to the understanding I have gained on the Internet, including reading your material, I have developed some powerful skills to manage the problem. I have drawn some boundaries and stood totally firm with them which is quite effective. He hated it at first and kept trying to manipulate me into breaking the boundaries (mainly with the use of guilt) but soon he got fed up with being rejected and now he reluctantly respects the rules.
Rather than pacify him, which I think helped to perpetuate his delusions I now contradict his delusions in a compelling way which seems to help break them down, although this usually makes him feel like I have betrayed him and he tries to pour derision on me and destroy me.
When he constructs lies about some unverifiable fact to back up his side of the argument, they are "100% fact. totally beyond question". But all I have to do is hint that I might be able to check up on them and they suddenly they become "or at least I think that's the case." This too has been a useful strategy.
Unlimited power is a core part of his delusion, so a really effective strategy has been to ask him why we are so weak that we can't break out of this cycle of arguments. I tell him the argument is over. We are so pathetic. Only an idiot would carry on with the same arguments over and over again. A strong person would not persist with this negative behaviour and I for one am not going to be weak and perpetuate it etc. This has been very effective indeed as he can't bear to be weak.
However, I want to try to heal him and permanently improve the situation. There is some hope because he is a good person and genuinely believes in doing the right thing. He knows he has a problem and I am sure he wants to change. However he cannot publicly admit to this and therefore voluntary therapy is out of the question.
I know that I need to break down the narcissistic self and expose his real self in order that the real self can be healed. I succeed in exposing his real self from time to time, which is utterly dejected - but I don't know how to help him to heal it. Unfortunately after around a week of overblown gestures of generosity to the people around him, combined with pouring derision on whatever threatened his narcissistic self (me), he heals his narcissistic part and returns to a state of delusion.
Are you able to give me some tips on how to heal his real self in the short time it is exposed? |
6/2/2008 |
| Lost but Found |
Your information was very valid. As an adult child of a narcissist, I could relate to more than 90% of the info posted. Thankfully, I am in recovery. My spouse begin forcing me to stand up for myself about 14 years ago. it has been a long and uncomfortable journey and now, I am just starting to learn things about me (...and I am 38)! |
5/11/2008 |
| Dave |
Topic stuff. Very very true and accurate and helpful. |
5/2/2008 |
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