You're Not A Jerk If You Jerk Off

I was not a precocious child growing up. I must shamefacedly admit that I never once rebelled against my parents. I got straight A’s right from kindergarten to graduation. I did not smoke or drink; and I never experimented with drugs. In short, I was a total bore.

Not surprisingly, the girls at my school thought I was a freaking dweeb; but my parents loved me. Believe me when I say it’s not an acceptable trade off. There was one silver lining, however. In one aspect, at least, I was not a model son. I managed to piss off my mom whenever she caught me jerking off. I may have been a nerd, but my libido was as active as any jock’s. My teenage years were during the era of Hollywood gossip magazines like Photoplay; and Jayne Mansfield and Anita Ekberg did it for me every time.

In case you’re wondering if there is a point to this aimless rambling, I’m getting there. Researchers in Australia have found that frequent masturbation may help men cut their risk of contracting prostate cancer. They arrived at this conclusion based on the scientific evidence that the prostate produces a fluid that is incorporated into ejaculation, which activates sperm and prevents them from sticking together. This fluid contains carcinogens like 3-methylchloranthrene, which could cause prostate cancer. Frequent ejaculations help to literally flush out these cancer-inducing fluids.

The researchers surveyed more than 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer, and 1,250 men who had not. They found that men who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to get cancer. Men who ejaculated more than five times each week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer.

So go ahead, guys. The next time mom gets on your case for your ‘disgusting’ behavior – or the pastor threatens you with eternal damnation – you can self righteously explain that you’re only doing it for your health. This is one of those very rare occasions when something pleasurable is actually good for you. Make the most of it.

Agencies