You just don't know...

Suffocation

No room
No space…
No privacy
No peace.

So watched over
Like I’m
In prison,
Just because
I do things
I shouldn’t.

They don’t
Understand why
I do it
Though. They
Look at me
Like I’m
Nuts, out of
My mind
And out
Of control.

They act like
I have no
Heart or
Soul.
When in reality
My heart
Is lost,
And my soul
Dead.

There isn’t any
Way to
Express
How I am
And what I
Feel when
I’m depressed.
But why tell
When no one
Cares
And they give
You cold
Hearted stares?

Call me
What you want,
But you’ll
Never know
The hurt
And violation.

It’s my life,
You only know
What I want
To show,
Who I am
You don’t know,
What I feel
You’ll never
Know.
So take it
And deal
With it,
Because there
Is so
Much you
Just don’t know.

You don’t
Know what
I feel or
What I felt
When I learned
What mom and
Brother did
Behind that
Door.
The screams
And shouts of
Insults
And hate, to
Much for a
4 year old mind
To take in.
The violence that
Went in in
The house,
The feeling of
Betrayal and
Violation.

When the bastard
Touched me
Before that.
I didn’t know
It was bad,
That he
Shouldn’t do
That, it was
To much to
Take in
For a 3 year old
Mind.

Like when
The bitch changed
Me when
i could change
my self, and
‘Accidentally’ touched
A naughty place.
Starved me
For that week
I was there
And said
That she doesn’t
Care.
That was
To much to
Take in for
A 3 and half
Year old mind.
Don’t you understand?

That’s why
I’m afraid of
The bed,
Afraid of the room,
Afraid of
The door,
Afraid to get
Close,
Afraid of
Violence,
Afraid of people.

Blame the
Bitch and the
Bastard.
The house and
The violence.
I didn’t know,
I was only young
When it all happened.
When the world
Fell down.

So let me cry
My way,
That’s only way
I can,
Through my ‘toy’
And the skin,
And the tears
Of blood
That come after…