You and You Only: Chapter 4 - Old Feelings, New Issues

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Sorry guys I really have to study so I can't reply to all of your comments but I am sooo happy you comment on my stories and I'm glad you like it. And I'm really sorry for taking so long to write this chapter....I had to write it all over again! smh...BTW that's a picture of Sharise in her wedding dress.
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With the end of Sharise's wedding ended also my mental and physical anguish. I had watched Nick the whole time I was there, from the time I stepped in line with the other bridesmaid to the end of the ceremony. We hadn't spoken since our little indiscretion, but I waited for him to sidle out of nowhere and appear next to me. I had an itch I couldn't scratch about the new him, and believe me I wanted to scratch it badly. I couldn't understand why he had been so seductive, so unashamedly seductive at the club and at the wedding he was cool as ice and nonchalant.

Subconsciously I wanted him to meander his way over to me unawares and press against me from behind and whisper something in my ear.

Then again that's what I had dreamed the night before the wedding. Not a dream I would admit to in public. I wasn't as innocent as everyone thought me to be....I was a virgin....but my mind wasn't as pure and virginal as I lead others to think. Inside my mind were visions of Nick seducing me until I finally and gladly acquiesced to his sensual demands.....over and over and over again.

Sexually repressed.

Yet he did nothing. Instead of walking over to me as the bride and groom danced he made his way to another Bridesmaid.....Alexia.
Yeah I bristled I might've even called her a b*tch once or twice....but why should I? Why should I be jealous?

No reason at all.

I was still gorgeous and I was still Nia....no matter if he was giving me attention or wasn't giving me attention. Still I didn't want to see the two of them dancing together...which I knew they would do.

His arm snaked around her waist slowly, and his eyes twinkled in the light of the garden lanterns. His lips moved and in response her light laugh echoed throughout the park.

'I don't see what's so funny'

Leia my Godsend appeared next to me with a small plate of snacks. Her hair was fixed in the same style as all the other bridesmaids(mines as well) in a bun with a swoop bang. As well as the dress, lavender strapless tight from the bosom to the waist and ending with a swell to the tips of her knees. We looked lovely all of us, I just had a habit of tugging at the top of my dress for fear it would slip down and I would flash someone.

"Hey, you should get some of these." She popped a cheesecake bite into her mouth and held the small plate out to me.

I shook my head, I was stuffed from earlier, "No I'm fine. But I ate already."

"It's a wedding. We're allowed to act like we won't have food tomorrow." She looked around the reception area in the park and the area where Sharise had married, "I know Sharise won't be able to eat tomorrow. How the hell...."

I shrugged, "You got me.....I guess its worth it. You only get married once."

"What are you going to do about that?"

Tiny wings from a mosquito grazed against my ankle and I slapped it away.

"About what?" I asked standing up straight and looking around the park.

"Alexia and Nick."

"Nothing. Me and him are not together....and...."

"And...what?"

I allowed my eyes to shift from her to the two of them walking hand in hand under the light glow of the garden lanterns. It would've been pitch black if it hadn't been for the lanterns, everything about the park was beautiful. There were trees, plenty of them, abundant green grass, lanterns decorations white and lavender for the wedding theme. It was all beautiful.

"Nothing."

"Nia." The serious note in her voice made me look at her, and really read her expression.

"Yeah what."

"I don't know if you knew this....but Nick and Alexia have kinda been messing around for a while...."

I nodded, but inside my head a bomb had just went off, because I could understand now why he was with her...in public...and why he hadn't paid me the slightest attention....feeling that familiar wave of rejection made me think of him ignoring me in front of Gabrielle. We were back to where we had started....strangers. Seven years ago, we had met, fought, kissed and foolishly vowed to be together forever....and now...

Nothing. And it was life...I couldn't change it, and I wasn't going to try. It was his life, and I had my life, and I was going to move on.
No matter how many years and tears it took me to do that.

"I told Sharise that it wasn't right.....and she said she couldn't help it...and you and him weren't together."

'How did the bastards meet?'

I lifted my leg up slightly to take off one heel and then the other until I stood on the moist grass barefooted. It wasn't the smartest thing to do, but walking in heels for hours straight pained my two flat feet.I wriggled and dug my toes into the grass loving and hating the feel of soft soil between the crevices in my toes.The coolness of the summer night caressed my bare shoulders and the muscles tightening in my calves. I had a habit of squeezing my calf muscles now, then I would lock my knees together and squeeze my leg muscles until I'd had enough.

'Why did I do this to myself?' If I wanted him I should've just kept in touch and now he had a baby, and he was with someone else....and it was all so hopelessly stupid.

I was hopelessly stupid...and hopelessly stuck in the past...and stuck in his grey eyes...and in love with a man who would never completely be mines...because I was completely stupid...and it was completely my fault.

"No its fine. It really is. Me and Nick are over, we've been over for years now. I'm fine with it."

I shook my head and mentally shook my mind to release the idea of Nick once again being mine and grasped Leia's wrist.

"Lets go find some gorgeous groomsmen and dance with them."

"Lead the way."

In one hand I held her wrist and in the other I held my two heels. We half ran to the dance area, something that strike me oddly familiar as it reminded me of me and my mother running.

I was always running away from something...and never to anything.

But that night I was going to enjoy being a twenty-five year old woman and I was going to dance to my heart's content with all the gorgeous men. And me and Leia did just that...

With the remnant of memories assaulting my memory every so often.
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Two weeks before the start of classes I went to the local target and searched around for supplies and decorations for my classroom. I walked through the aisles aimlessly until I snapped out of my lustful reverie to find another object on my 'To-Do List'. After half and hour I had all the things I needed, but nothing else to do for the entire day but watch t.v. and eat ice-cream....alone. So instead of doing the logical thing and going back home I walked around Target searching for something else to buy. My flip-flops slapped against the linoleum floor lightly until an unseen force made me stop in the school supply aisle again.

"So....tell me Force...am I here for some reason..." I lifted up a notebook and tossed it back into its pile sluggishly, "Or are you screwing with me?"

"I think the Force believes it's not wise to talk to yourself, when you can talk to me instead."

The tips of my ears heated up as I slowly turned to face my audience of humiliation,in the process of doing so I accidentally hit my toe against the wheel of my shopping cart. Instinctively I dropped my eyes and lifted up the leg with the injured foot and cursed silently.

"Oh, hey hey. Sorry about that."

I lifted up my head grimacing at the person who had just witnessed my embarrassment. My eyes widened and followed the man pushing the cart away. The smile on his rugged face was apologetic and slightly impish. I attempted to smile but I winced instead at the throbbing pain in my foot. He made his way to my side and wrapped my left arm around his neck, placing his right arm around my waist as well.

Honestly I wasn't THAT hurt...I was in pain, but not enough pain for some random guy to be supporting half my weight.
I looked down at my foot and noticed thin line of blood slowly growing. I sighed and cursed myself again for being so clumsy and wearing slippers.

DAMMIT.

I touched my hair, tightly pulled up into a ball at the back of my head.

Why hadn't I fixed my hair?!!!

And why did I have on loose jeans and a big ass T-shirt! And why did he have to look so good in jeans and polo?

Point blank I looked a mess.

"Thank you...but I'm fine really."

I wriggled from underneath his hold and walked towards my basket so I could dash away with a little bit of dignity.

"Nia right?"

My breath caught in my throat at the sound of my name. Not once had he appeared familiar....maybe because not once had I looked at him directly, but I did at that moment. With my hands clamped tightly on the handle of the cart I gave him a once over.

"Yeah...I'm sorry who are you?"

He asked as he bent down to pick up the red notebook I had thrown back earlier and fingered it before meeting my eyes.

"No I guess you wouldn't remember me....I'm David by the way." He walked over and held his hand out for me to shake, which I did cautiously.

His brown eyes raked over my body and I blushed foolishly.

"I don't look like this every day." I explained.

"Oh I know, but either way, dressed up or not you are a very lovely woman."

Ooooh men knew what to say to make a woman melt a little bit.

And yet I was gullible...so that meant nothing.

"Thank you, thank you. Still, who are you?"

"You can call me Mr. Smith."

Ahhhh...ohh. That name definitely rang a bell.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. How are you?"

I know I was embarrassed. Highly embarrassed.

"Great, you look fine..."

"Ohhh flirty aren't you?"

"Only with beautiful women such as yourself."

I didn't intend to, but the serious look on his face made me laugh. He couldn't possibly run that line on every woman he met.

"What's funny...is there something on my face?" He touched his face, tracing his fingers over his five o clock shadow and I couldn't help but to stare at his full lips. His fully kissable lips.....
Sexual repression....once again....How the hell are ya???

"No, you're...fine."

I could only imagine that the look on his face mirrored mines, we were both like dogs in heat one waiting for the other to initiate it all.

"Hey do you want to go out sometime, maybe this Friday?"

I wanted to say yes, yes I want to be in relationship. I'm tired of being single, and the other part of me wanted to be unattached and in control....so what could I say.

"I'm really not ready for a relationship right now."

"But...I'm not asking you for a relationship...I'm asking you for a date."

Date....oh...I could do a date.

*******Next Wednesday******

We should've stopped at the goodbye after dinner instead I invited him up to my apartment. I closed the door after him and walked over to the television to pick up the remote. I picked it up, but it slipped out of my hands and I had to bend over to pick it up.

"Make yourself at home...as long as you don't plan to stay." I grunted.

As I moved to stand up I felt arms around my waist and his strong body pressed against mines. His full lips traced over my neck and jaw line.

Oh sh*t...

We had spent a full week hanging out, laughing and just being two people who were getting to know each other, he had been over to my place three times already and he had tried nothing. The date...or whatever it was, had gone well, a day at the park talking about random things, and then that lead to dinner. But I was hoping it wouldn't lead to kissing...

"You smell really good."

Oh man....just like the woman who got raped by an acquaintance in 'For Colored Girls'

"Thanks, b-"

He led me to my own couch! And pushed me down before straddling me and covering my face with kisses. Good kisses, but not necessarily kisses I wanted. He was moving too fast and all his motions made me think of the knife underneath my bed. Only when he sat up to pull his shirt off did I stop him.

"No. No. Just stop."

"Wait what?"

"I thought we were getting to know each other, now you wanna screw me. Uh uh."

I pushed him off me, and he moved slowly staring at me in amazement. I did want to see his body without any clothes on, but not at the risk of losing my virginity to someone who would more than likely bounce later.

"Are you serious?"

I walked over to the door and held it open, "As serious as a heart attack."

He sat on the couch.....looking so amazing. Ooooooh, I was so close to getting down again. His white T-shirt was slightly rumpled and the look on his face was only one I could identify with sexual frustration.

"Wow....really."

I nodded. Yes, really, Ass. He finally stood up and slowly walked out the apartment with a frown. No 'goodbye' no 'see you later'.

Well at least I knew what he wanted.

But an hour later a little after eleven I got another surprise.

A loud bang on my door signaled urgency and I pressed my ear against it afraid to open the door. What if David was back to finish me off, how the hell had I been so stupid as to let him into my apartment?

"Who is it?"

"Nick."

WHAT?

I opened the door with shaking fingers and sure enough he was there and with his little boy dragging along next to him with drooping eyes.

"Nick hey...who told you I stayed here?"

"Sharise....Nia can you do me a favor?"

After you were an Ass to me? Sure.

"It depends on what it is...first give him to me." I motioned for little Cameron and Nick lightly pushed him over to me. Cameron walked over and rubbed his eyes with his tiny fists and held his arms out to me. I hoped my baby would be as sweet as him one day. I picked him up and cradled him in my arms as his eyes opened and closed before finally resting. His little snore followed soon after.

"Will you watch Cam for me?"

"I'm sure Alexia would do it." I replied.