Many people question why women stay in abusive relationships. It is because such a relationship is a very serious issue that ties you down to an extent where it is not that easy to leave. No woman gets sadistic pleasure out of getting beaten to a pulp because she refuses to have sex, only to get raped later. It is often the more emotional obligations that hold them back. Women stay on because leaving is not really an option for them.
Types of Abusive Relationships
Do not be under the impression that physical abuse between a man and his wife or girlfriend is the only abuse possible, because there are many types of opprobrious relationships.
- Physical Abuse―In this kind of abuse the abuser physically hurts the victim. This is done in a bout of anger, and the abuser feels absolutely no guilt for it. In fact, they blame in on the victim.
- Emotional Abuse―In this kind, the abuser will time and again make the victim feel bad about herself. She will be made to feel invalid and unimportant. The self-esteem will be deliberately ripped apart. Emotional abuse also includes threatening, stalking when not around, spying, and eavesdropping. Basically, all that would frustrate and ruin the victim's peace of mind.
- Sexual Abuse―In this kind of abuse, the abuser forces sexual acts on the victim. This will not necessarily include penetration and intercourse. It could simply refer to inappropriate touching, kissing, fingering or even watching while the victim showers or changes. 1 out of every 3 girls has gone through this terrible ordeal as a child.
- Financial Abuse―In this kind, the abuser takes complete control over the victim's financial assets. This is often coupled with any other type of abuse, leaving the victim incapable of considering the idea of going against the abuser.
Why Don't They Leave?
Leaving an abusive relationship is not easy. In this section, I am only considering adult relationships, and not child and incest abusing. Children cannot leave an abusive relationship for the fact that they are minors. Many children are too afraid to talk about it and tell someone. As such, the abuse often goes on for a long time, until the abuser finds a new prey!
There are many people (due to my career) who come and ask me why women don't leave the abusive relationship. I always tell them, if you think that they are cowards, or that they lack the will power, you are wrong. Women are never weak, never cowards, and never will they lack the will. It's true for all women, we are strong. It is often this strength, that makes a woman stick it out in an abusive relationship. Mostly, a woman in such a relationship will have the responsibility of a minor. It is for the sake of this minor that many women stay in the relationship. They fear that their partner will take away the custody of the minor, and fear that he will abuse them as well. At other times, the victim is often scared of being stalked and further hurt. Some strongly fear that their abusive partner will find them and kill them. It has been seen in the past, for abusive husbands to stalk and kill their estranged wives. If a woman is being financially abused, she is left with no monetary resources whatsoever to be able to survive outside. That is, in fact, the very goal of financial abuse.
Sexual abuse is a whole other story. The percentage of women in sexually abusive relationships is unbelievable. Many people think that women who are being sexually abused get a kinky pleasure out of it. That, they say, is the reason why they don't leave. Wrong again. Marital rape is gaining a lot of popularity and awareness off late. Most of the women facing sexual abuse are married to their abusers. Most of them even have a child. As such, for the sake of the well-being of the child, they keep shut about sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is often coupled with physical, emotional, and financial abuse as well. A woman in such a plight, is in the worst possible situation.
What Should Women in Abusive Relationships Do?
Believe it or not, the answer is very simple. The best help a woman can get is from 'themselves'. Yes, this relationship advice is easier said than done, but nonetheless, doable. A woman going through oppression, first needs to get her self-esteem back on track. This is very difficult as your own cruel abusive partner does all he can to shatter the self-esteem regularly. But, you will still need to reaffirm your own personal strength. Start trying to look better. Cook better food and keep the house clean. Play with your kid and laugh as often as you can. Slowly, you can start manipulating your abuser. Let's face it, women are born with an ability to do that. The best way to do this is to take the sexual route. Get him hooked on to you like a drug. Soon, you will be able to start manipulating him otherwise. Get a little flirtatious, (with him only) as it helps. Once you have him treating you a bit better, start trying to get hold of your documents and finances. It will take a little while, but be persistent. Once you have accomplished that, break free. Go away and don't look back!
Many women make the mistake of believing that their man will change. Well, I won't lie to you, he might, but the chances are very slim. You need to stop being a Samaritan and start looking out for yourself. Put as much distance between you and him as possible.
Women! I cannot begin to say how important it is for us to be aware of our partner's tendencies. Trust your instincts and yourself. Make sure that you don't get forced into anything that you do not wish to do. This is where I sign off! All the best!